Look of the Night

One of the best things about having a gay son is the plethora of selfies and photos on social media documenting each mood and outfit, every friend, and numerous nights at the clubs (pre-Covid). I always know what he is doing, who he is with, and what he is wearing. For a mom who lives more than a thousand miles away, that is comforting. When Merlot first moved to the city from college in Boston, his everyday attire just didn't fit the scene. That was obvious in all his posts, even to me. Jeans and sweaters that looked appropriate at Berklee weren't cool enough for a rising star in NYC, but rising stars don't always come from family money. Helping to pay his high rent was difficult enough for me as a single mother on a teacher's pay. There just wasn't extra for new outfits.

Because I believe in his dream of being a musician as much as he does, I knew I had to somehow help with this dilemma. I started thrifting in Florida, where thrifting is inexpensive, and shipping him boxes of vintage blouses, brooches, scarves, pants, hats, belts,and coats. One box included two faux furs and a pair of genuine leather black pants. It became a hobby for me, and I loved seeing photos of him in all the treasures I discovered at Goodwill.

That was great for a while, but Merlot needed a more unique style to match his personality and brand. I learned to craft his jewelry. I bought berets, then dangled charms from them. I deconstructed, bedazzled, bleached and painted jeans and jeans jackets. I spent hours cutting and fraying denim to make it more fashionable. One Christmas when Merlot visited me in Florida, we when thrifting together and found the most amazing black and gold brocade long coat. He suggested some changes to the coat and that we "bling it out." He immediately took over the design and was so proud of the final result. Merlot wore the coat to a movie premiere when he returned to New York and someone called him "James Brown." From that day, the coat was lovingly called "James Brown."

As he flew back and forth from NYC to LA to write, record and perform his music, photographers took notice of him and his style. Merlot, the singer, was also quickly becoming Merlot, the model. Most shoots provided a stylist, but I've seen photos of him in magazines and on a Pride billboard in some of the clothes I mailed him. He was featured in a Milk Makeup campaign wearing a jacket I created and in a Dr. Martens campaign in a thrifted top. Marc Jacobs even liked a photo on Instagram of Merlot in a jacket I had bleached, then written lyrics on with a Sharpie. The jacket, jeans and belt cost a total of $14.

Soon Merlot would send me photos of styles he liked. I did my best to replicate the outfits. One was a jumpsuit with a huge hood. I thrifted a jeans jumpsuit and other jeans. My niece, Alisha, is a seamstress, so I asked for some help on this project. She remembered she had some fabric of vintage NYC photos we could use for the hood. With a mental picture of how it could be deconstructed and rebuilt, I started ripping seams. Using scissors, I cut off the sleeves and collar of the jumpsuit. Alisha created the huge hood and sewed it to the jumpsuit. It was certainly unique and memorable. Merlot always texted me photos when he wore my creations and I remember seeing this jumpsuit with the crazy hood in a dark photograph taken at The Standard.

When his first song "Bad for You" was released, I sent him two jackets. One had the cutout letters to the title of the song on the back and vintage buttons on the collar and cuffs. The other jacket was more detailed. I cut cuffs and the shape of a skull from a herringbone jacket and hand-stitched them onto a black jeans jacket. I added sequins and charms hanging from the collar. We called it the "Gucci" jacket. One night at a club Merlot was called over to the table of a famous designer. "Where did you get that jacket?" asked the designer. Merlot quietly replied, "My mother made it for me." The designer asked if he could fly me to New York to design sixteen pieces for his 'Americana' line. Merlot called me at 3:00am to tell me the exciting news, but we quickly learned that what is promised in a club at night is often forgotten in the office the next day. Still, to have my creation noticed and admired made Merlot so proud of me. Another night the Belgium fashion stylist, Tom Van Dorpe, was at Strut and took a picture of his assistant with Merlot in one of my redesigned jackets and berets. Van Dorpe posted the photo on his Instagram for the "Look of the Night" and Merlot's Instagram followers nearly doubled. Followers are a big deal in the entertainment industry as is branding. Merlot was branding himself.

My favorite endorsements came from his friends. I planned a trip to visit Merlot that summer and the host of Strut at Acme asked me to bring some of my creations to sell. I spent the evening meeting Merlot's friends and watching them try on the items to purchase. I think I gave away more than I sold that night, but I loved the hugs and encouragement from these beautiful individuals. More than one whispered during a hug, "Thank you for being a loving and supportive mom." The next night Merlot took me to karaoke at the Rosemont in Brooklyn. When he introduced me to a table of friends, one said, "The mom who makes all the outfits? We love you!"

During those three years I mailed Merlot many boxes of my creations. Some items were fabulous, some were not, but I was learning more about design and styles with each piece. He looked forward to these boxes and I was surprised at how eager Merlot was for me to help style him. I remember proudly reading one interview where he spoke of his style: "The singer and model has undoubtedly become a notable face in the fashion industry and when asked how he would describe his personal style the fashionable musician has a definite answer. 'I'd say my personal style is honestly just eclectic.' Upon looking at the singer's wardrobe it may seem as though his clothes would break the bank, however, he paradoxically reveals that he's 'a firm believer that having style doesn't have to be expensive. Most of my clothes are thrifted and repurposed, and my mom also crafts almost all of my jewelry from gift shop key chains and charms. Style comes from whatever makes me feel the most confident.'"

Venues closed because of the quarantine and during that time Merlot's gender-fluid style has evolved and matured--less bling and more femme. But I look back with such joy on the hours of thrifting and cutting and sewing and bedazzling and painting all those outfits. I'm the first to admit that I am not a stylist or designer by any means. I'm not even a skilled seamstress. I'm just a mother trying to have relevance and connection with my son. And he let me. Merlot allowed me to be an integral part of his dream, like I was writing the beats and he was adding the lyrics to a perfect song. Who knew a needle and thread, a pair of scissors, some jewels and glue could have such power.