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Kintsukuroi

Historical Fiction

By Courtney NugenPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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Kintsukuroi
Photo by MUILLU on Unsplash

Hi, my name is Aimi. I remember as a little girl growing up many things that my mom taught me, including the important art of Kintsugi / Kintsukuroi. I hope to see this become a fashion movement.

I once dropped my mom's ritual saké cup from her wedding while reaching for a bowl. (I know a cup isn't necessarily about fashion, but bear with me.) I immediately burst into tears because I knew that I had ruined the cup that meant so much to her. Mom would sometimes take afternoon tea in that cup and pray for my Otōsan who was still working in Japan while we lived in the United States. I know that my parents didn't want to be separated, but they really wanted me to go to school in the States and my Otōsan's business was important in Japan.

My mother looked down at the cup for awhile; she seemed confused or distant. But then she smiled at me, with rose in her cheeks, and said, "Don't worry Ai-chan, we will fix it with kintsukuroi, and then it will be even more beautiful." That afternoon we mixed lacquer and powdered gold together to form a paste. My mother helped me form the pieces back together into her saké cup. As we gently collected each piece, my mother would tell me something about my father and I that she loved. "Otōsan is a hard worker, and I know he misses you very much Aimi." "Aimi you are beautiful and sweet, I pray that you learn to be more and more kind to those around you." She continued on, telling me many beautiful things that made my heart glow.

Once the cup was finished, we set it aside to give the lacquer time to harden.

"Aimi, now every time I see this cup, I will think of your father and I's wedding, and this afternoon too. This cup will now have even more beauty and meaning to me."

Hi, my name is Aimi. It means love beauty in Japanese, and I felt that the most important thing my mother taught me was the beauty in love and not things. Having something broken and then repaired with Kintsugi was a way to highlight the history of the object, create resilience, and focus on those we cherished.

We moved to the States when I was 10, and to say that I had culture shock was an understatement. I broke mom's cup at 14, when she taught me about Kintsukuroi. I was 16 when my Otōsan passed away. I am not ready to talk about that; but it's important to know, because my mom and I had to move to a cheaper area and she opened an international store to supply more income. I promise, I'll get into the fashion bit now. Thank you for listening so far!

During this time, my dear friend Nina would often give me hand-me-down clothes. Some I loved, and others I didn't like. My mom taught me to focus on that it reminded me of Nina and our friendship, and to look past the style. The funny thing was, was that I often got the most compliments on the shirts or pants I liked the least.

One day, when I was 17, Nina ripped a hole in her favorite shirt during gym class. I invited her over to my house that afternoon and taught her the art of Kintsukuroi. She spent most of the afternoon crying; it had been one of those days where every little things goes wrong and builds up and you just need a good cry. I started to embroider a golden flower over the hole, and with each petal I told Nina something I liked or admired about her. "Nina, I love that you are one of my best friends. You are a good listener and generous." I went on for awhile with compliments at each petal, but Nina kept crying - nothing seemed to reach her. Toward the end, I felt a weight in my heart. I felt what I think was guilt.

With one of the petals, I confessed to her that I don't actually always like the clothes she'd given me because they weren't "my style", but that I'd grown to like them because they remind me of her and our friendship, and that they have become precious to me. I told her about the saké cup and what my mother had done for me that afternoon when I was 14. As I finished the flower and being honest with Nina, the guilt subsided.

Nina finally stopped crying as I confessed, and then she began to smile. "Aimi, your words are so kind but they made me feel more guilty about how sad I was about my day and my shirt. None of those things you said seemed true of me. But when you admitted you didn't always like the clothes I gave you, I felt understood. It helped me realize that maybe I could learn that too."

We both spent the rest of the afternoon giggling together. The next week at school, Nina re-wore her favorite shirt with the embroidered flower. She told me that afternoon that she had received many compliments about my embroidered flower.

I wish to see Kintsukuroi as a fashion trend. I think it could add more meaning to what you already own, for your sake. I also selfishly want it because it reminds me of my mom.

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About the Creator

Courtney Nugen

Hi! I am Courtney Nugen. I breathe plants and books, and dabble in writing. I graduated from the Ohio State University with a bachelor in science for agroecology and a minor in Spanish.

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