Entry No. 7

Due to some unfortunate unforeseen circumstances, I was travelling without my suitcase.

It was rough. Like really rough. I was not the only person without formal wear, and we all needed formal wear. I made arrangements for the other members of my family, but I needed a skirt or a dress and a pair of shoes.

My mother-in-law kindly offered to let me borrow a pair of hers. I didn't want to borrow a pair from her. Not only do we not have the same size in shoes, but she's not a high heels girlie. She's tall. I'm short. Occasionally, people look at me and declare it as if they've just discovered a new continent, "You're short!"

I'm like, "I know." Big pause. "I know. When I wear a pair of high heels and walk around my house, I see an entire new layer of dirt I didn't know was there. I know. I shop in the petite section. I know. Every single person in my family is taller than me. I know. If I put on the tallest pair of high heels I own, I'm still shorter than my husband. I know."

I was at a baby shower where they were playing a pass-the-present game. They had to pass it to the tallest woman in the room, and everyone looked at me. I'm like, "Both the women on either side of me are taller than me."

Anyway, I went and looked at my mother-in-law's shoes. They were all nude, open-toed, flat, or sandals. As I have said before, I do not police other people's choices. Anything anyone wants to wear is fine. So I politely tried them on and then let them fall off my feet like I was a little girl trying on mommy's shoes. "Oopes! They don't fit." Stick my toes toward each other, frown, twist a lock of my hair, and say, "I guess I'll have to go shopping."

The shoes I bought were $6. That is how bratty I am. I bought $6 shoes. They are the ones above.

Aren't they hideous? I love them.

The thrift store I bought them from was so gross. If I hadn't been traveling and desperate, I wouldn't have given that place the time of day. But it was a big store, and those heels looked sorely neglected. Every other pair of heels on the rack was priced at $14, so these girls had been priced at $6 before inflation. They were so ugly that no one wanted them, and they just wilted on the rack while the world changed around them until they were the cheapest pair of heels that grungy thrift store had to offer.

Except, I saw those girls. I saw them because I was looking for a pair of women's high heels that looked like men's shoes. I was not crazy about the little archway detailing on the toe (what is that called?). My dad used to wear a pair of shoes that looked almost exactly like them, and I thought they were ugly when I actually was that little girl I was so recently pretending to be.

Anyway, I brought them back to my in-laws' and took them straight to the bathroom for a spa treatment. I did not get further than a moist paper towel. They were in excellent shape. The inside lining hadn't started to crumble, the tread was hardly scuffed, and they were so sturdy. It turned out that the problem was that they were just dirty. I was so pleased.

So, what do I wear with these girls? What don't I wear with them? They're black high heels. They go with everything. And they're so ugly that no one can boss me around if I'm wearing them. I have daddy energy when I wear them, and that's worth a whole lot more than $6.