Entry No. 3

These girls are way more impressive on me than they are in the picture. That's sad, but I'm not modelling them.

These are fashion show shoes, so I didn't pay for them. Let's go over the fashion show rules. Today, you get another rule.

Second Rule: You don't buy anything. You give a donation to the charity we're raising money for, but you don't pay any specific amount. All the clothes are used, so these were used, like everything else.

I wore these for a finale walk a few years ago. I wore these girls with this amazing black dress with cream-colored fans on it, along with an orange floral fan in my hand, and an orange gem necklace. I still have the necklace and the fan, and so now I'm regretting not putting them in the shot. It was an especially good day because we had a pretty posh photographer for the show. He took me aside afterwards and took a collection of shots of me. I felt pretty special.

Anyway, they're open-toed, and I think you already know that I hate that. I hate it because of the pedicure thing, but also because they hurt me. These girls really hurt. I wore them a few times after the show and just gritted my teeth through it because they are so sexy in this orange, mod, grown-up woman kind of way.

Finally, I decided I needed to do something or get rid of them. I thought of taking them to the cobbler, but the cobbler I go to never wants to help me. He's always trying to get me to do things myself. I could throw money at him, and he'd still look at me like a cow with a piece of grass hanging from his mouth, saying, "You could really do this yourself... You know, if you didn't suck." I haven't been to see him in a while. He's probably okay since everybody likes cows so much.

Anyway, I saw this dumb thing on YouTube where a girl with prettier hair than me put plastic bags in her shoes, then filled them with water, then ziplocked the bags shut, then put them in the freezer, then went to do her nails (even though they were already done), then left them for at least one day until the bags were completely frozen, then took them out of the freezer, let them melt, and then took the bags out. Then her shoes, which were a touch too small for her before, fit perfectly.

I had nothing to lose, so I did it.

It worked really well on the right shoe. I don't know why it didn't work equally well on the left shoe. I also don't know why I thought doing this was so tiring. I thought it was really tiring. It also takes up a lot of real estate in your freezer. Like a lot. Ain't nobody got room for this!

Anyway, I fix the problem with the left shoe by putting on a preemptive Band-Aid in the only remaining trouble spot. Then they're fine.

When styling these shoes, I did not have a proper orange match in my closet until recently. For the first few years, I did the thing where you wear a black dress (or a dress with very little color), and then you wear the shoes to pop. You don't even need to match the color up with anything else in your outfit. You just let the orange high heels pop.

You know, something odd just occurred to me. When I was a teenager, I used to own a pair of orange boots that I used to wear with everything, no matter what it was. I always thought I looked hot in those. Maybe I just think orange feet are sexy on me. Yeah, I think I'm weird that way. Hey, my eyes are up here!

Anyway, I didn't have anything that matched until recently. I was in Vancouver, and I always get a dress when I go to Vancouver (this was the second time, in case you're interested in how outrageous my fashion habits are). Anyway, I landed on a black, orange, and green butterfly dress. In the 1970s, they would have called it a kaftan (and probably some people still do), but we don't call flip-flops thongs anymore, and we call bellbottoms flares.

I'd show ya'll how great the outfit is, but clothes are much harder to take photos of than shoes.

These shoes were free, like how the office birthday cake is free. All you have to do is contribute to the kitty.