While the Person is Away....

Things start slow and ramp up FAST the minute I leave my furry kids home alone. They hear the click of the lock the games, reign of cat terror, and operation “destroy Annie’s (dog) mental equilibrium” commence.

The numbers are 3 to 1 - hardly fair but cats don’t care about that. Let me introduce you:

Senior and King of the Castle is Phloyd a 23 years old Russian Blue rescue. He weighs as much as his age.... Think Barry White of the feline kingdom. He is a bit slower than he used to be- but, the others respect him. That is saying something.

Phrank is the “middle cat child” - he adopted us about 4 years ago and instantly found his way into our hearts - even Phloyd’s. (Typical middle child syndrome- he often feels neglected and acts out accordingly for attention.

The youngest “rebel without a cause” but, whose purpose is to single handedly destroy every breakable thing I own is Phred. Barely a year old and feeling his oats - every minute of every day.

Our only Dog, Annie (Australian Shepherd and Border Collie Mix) only had ears for my Husband’s voice. Since his passing, she pretty much does whatever she thinks is worth doing and can be quite deaf when I am trying to direct her attention. She is about 7 and was adopted from a Prison rehabilitation program that matches dogs with inmates to train. You would think that coming “from the big house” she would at least have some “cred” to keep the cats in line. Nope.

While I am away, it’s like a no holds barred party at my house. The cats (except Phloyd) chase each other a hundred miles per hour around the cabin. Jumping from chairs to couches to bed to fish tanks, to couch - discombobulating all papers, dishes, plants, flora and fauna are these are subject to be used as bases for them for their inner insane track races.

Phrank enjoys the Jack in the Box approach to startling his brothers and sister. Any box or blanket will suffice for him to jump out from - giving Phloyd and Annie heart palpitations (thankfully he hasn’t scared them to death, yet).

Annie’s pay back and only recourse that she has is emptying (completely) each and every cat food bowl. Panic sets in once the cats discover there is no food available to them. An unnatural and illogical terror (given they all weigh between 17-23 pounds - big boys indeed), they could live off of their reserves if I were to be absent for a month or even more.

Annie not so much going through food panic, but she is so intimidated by the “Feline Force” that she tries to hide and pretend she is invisible. Logically this does not work - but it makes her feel she is doing something proactive to protect herself.

Inevitably- Phrank and Phred will find a fly or catch the scent of a mouse and knock things around in their quest of seek and destroy.

(I am only glad when they don’t do this while I am home trying to sleep!) More than one morning had passed that I have forgotten to put my slippers on and my foot comes in contact with one of their deceased furry “conquests”.

I have come home to Annie locked in the closet, locked in the bathroom, cornered by cats in the utility room- she has also been hiding under a blanket on the couch. I am certain the cats imprison her in hopes of preserving their food supply. Doesn’t generally work- but, they have to try.

I arrive home- put my key in the lock and from nowhere there is instantly a welcome line at the door - jumping, frantic, happy, anxiety disorder, psycho dog- ambivalent felines who just want dishes refilled (because they will perish if this does not happen in the first 2 minutes).

The house must then be cleaned up after their unsupervised Olympic Games. So piece by piece it gets put back together- broken glass and China pieces swept up, documents need to be gathered, disposed of, and refiled all in their places. The dog and cats wait patiently, biding their time until the very next time life calls and “the person goes away so they animals can play”.