When You Say Goodbye

Why can’t you keep him forever? Why do you only have him for just an inkling of your own lifetime? It’s not fair. You have found that perfect little four-legged, furry creature that has stolen your heart and you just don’t know why he won’t be with you forever. It’s so hard to have to say goodbye to them.

Before moving to our new house, Momma had lost her Lhasa-poo, Buttons. Momma had Button since she was a puppy about 15 years previously. She was Momma’s little angel. Momma felt lost without her so after we moved to the new house, I surprised her with a Pomeranian, roughly around five years of age, for Christmas. We could not have asked for a better dog for Momma. She followed Momma around. Wherever Momma was, Little Bit was right behind her. When Momma became bedridden, Little Bit stayed on her bed and was her faithful watchdog. Momma was confined to her bed for two and a half years and Little Bit stayed with her until Momma’s death. She wouldn’t let anybody bother Momma. She would bark when Momma’s nurses came in to check on her. She would bark whenever Tommy or I came in to sit with her or take care of her in any way.

Whenever Little Bit needed to take care of her business, she would then allow Tommy or me to put her off the bed. She would run back to her room to get back to Momma as soon as possible. Little Bit was happiest when she was with Momma and miserable when she was not with her. Momma was Little Bit’s universe. As Momma’s time was getting close, my brother and I worried about her as to what would happen to Little Bit when Momma passed. I tried getting her used to me more but she would not have it as most of the dogs congregated in with me and Little Bit wanted to be the center of attention. I already had too many of those, so she slowly started warming up to Tommy. This transition was started while Momma was still with us.

After Momma passed, Little Bit was a little lost, not knowing what had happened to her. My brother took his time and won her over. As faithful as she was to Momma, she now became Tommy’s shadow. She would be by his side and when he was not home, she would wait for him at the door. Tommy became her life. She slept with him, she hung out with him in the man cave she was behind him when he fixed dinner. Whenever he was not in her sight, she would bark for him as if to say, I know you’re in the house, why aren’t you with me?

Although I was at our home almost constantly, Little Bit didn’t like venturing into the dark side as my room was referred to. Little Bit was a one human dog and that was my brother.

Years passed since Momma died and it was catching up with Little Bit. She was relatively young when I got her for Momma and it has been six years since Momma was gone.

A few months ago, Little Bit started having small seizures. They were very infrequent but it took her a while to recover. Our vet suggested we keep an eye on her. He could put her on medication for it but it would be for the remainder of her life, but he really didn’t want her on anything if they were isolated incidents. She did fine for a dog of her age of 15, just having had a couple of them. Last week, she had another one but it affected her ability to stand. She came out of it during the evening, jumping down off the couch and getting water. We thought she was okay.

The next morning, my brother comes to my room obviously crying. Here, this giant of a man is cradling all five pounds of his little girl in his arms. My brother is fantastic with dogs, loves them with all his heart but is never ready to let them go. He kept saying, "We’re losing her, do something Margie, please. I can’t lose her. She is the last thing we have of Momma’s."

When he brought her into me, I honestly didn’t think she would make it until we got her to the vets, but she did. I really think she knew that her “daddy” wouldn’t be able to handle her dying at our home.

I used to take all our babies to the vets when it was there time but since I no longer drive and cannot get around, Tommy takes them. It takes a lot out of him as he is not used to having to do that. Knowing that she would not be coming home, I asked a friend to go with him and stay with Little Bit since I knew Tommy couldn’t be with her in her last moments.

After Tommy came home without Little Bit, he was inconsolable. He was so afraid that Little Bit would be wandering up in Heaven looking for Momma. He felt that he was an executioner because he had had to take two dogs to the vets for their final days in such a brief period of time. He was afraid that none of our dogs would ever get in a car with him again since two dogs left and never came back. Some might think he was acting childishly but he wasn’t. That is my brother, he is just extremely sensitive and loves his animals. Trying to reassure him that Little Bit was grateful on what he did seemed moot because how deeply he loved her. I told Tommy that she didn’t have to worry about finding Momma since I truly believe in the Rainbow Bridge. I told him that Momma knew she was coming and was waiting for her. I just wanted to hug him, tell him was going to be okay, that even though we only have our animals for a brief amount of time, they will always be in our hearts.

It’s been three long weeks since Little Bit left us. Tommy is doing better. He still hears her a couple times a day instead of constantly. He only looks for her outside occasionally. He just misses her. I just tell him that she knows he is not ready to say goodbye just yet and will be here for him until she knows he is ready. I had been holding off telling him that her ashes are still at the vets because I knew he wasn’t ready just yet but I was talking to him. I asked him if he felt that him hearing her barking was telling him that it was time to come home. She wanted to be here and it was time. Dogs are just like that, they sense what you need from them, even in death.