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Weird Things My Dog Does Daily

Bobby the Boarder Collie

By Emilie WestallPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
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Where do I begin? I could write a novel on how this quote on quote "dog" makes every day unique. I think I should start by saying we bought him from a farm for £150. We saw a Facebook ad and were initially interested in his sister but he was still adorable.

So my mum goes there to have a look and the little girl couldn't be less interested. But Bobby was all over my mum to the point where they had to peel him off. We couldn't buy him straight away because we were going on holiday for a ten days later on so we agreed to take him home for a week to let him get used to our house, take him back to the farm and then pick him back up when we got home.

I remember walking home from school and my sister literally pulled me into the living room where there was a tiny, black and white puppy in my mum's arms. I remember when he was too small to climb on the beds and sofas so we had to scoop him up under his little butt.

Like every puppy, Bobby never stopped moving. Ever. He always had pent up energy he needed to burn off immediately. To this day, he can't sit still for more than five minutes. If you take that toy from him, be prepared to not stop until he says so and I can promise you that won't be for a very long time. He used to try to offer toys to the cats in hopes of them giving a damn. He used to sit in one spot either on the floor or a bed and pivot on his butt to turn to the person giving him attention. He never wagged his tail, he'd whirl it around in a circle or a figure-of-8.

If he offers you a toy and you ignore him long enough, he'll try to talk to you in the form of little grunts and whines. Of course, you can't ignore him for too long because he's just that cute with those big, brown eyes and the fact that he won't shut up until you do.

One thing you ought to know if you find yourself meeting him in person, don't pet him. Just don't. Let him come to you and more often than not, he can be very loving. If you just go to pet him, stranger or not, he won't like it. He won't bite, he'll tuck his tail between his legs, head down, growl and walk away. I promise nothing happened in his puppy years, he's just always been like that. This is also the same dog who was scared of the chickens on his farm because they were bigger than him.

If you pet him, no matter where he is or what he's doing (other than eating), he will growl and move, giving you death glares. He'll still growl and give you death glares when you pet him while he eats, he just won't move because he loves food too much.

I'm pretty sure Bobby uses licking as a comfort thing like how a baby sucks its thumb. He will lick anything and anything he wants but like petting, it has to be on his terms. You can't just offer your hand to him, no. You can rest your hand down and he will go to lick it if he wants. What he used to do with me when licking my hand is to get so far into the zone, he would take my whole hand in his mouth and still try to lick it. If you force your hand to him, he'll try to walk away at first but then passive aggressively lick it by, at the same time, growling and showing his teeth. The reason why we keep on doing it despite him not liking it is because the sound of licking and growling together is hilarious.

His toy selection started out as normal dog toys you can buy. But what he does to make them "better" is to rip all their stuffing out and give you the rag to play with. If the toy squeaks, he will make it his life goal to get that little plastic squeaker out of the toy, chew it 'til it doesn't squeak anymore and then have you play with it. The way he wants you to play with the squeakers is to either play tug of war or have you squeeze it in his mouth for him.

I know dogs shouldn't eat chocolate but I swear we didn't give it to him, he found it. He ate half a chocolate orange and I wasn't around to see this but according to my mum, she had to peel him off the ceiling and he hasn't even approached that level of hyperness since. I also bought a Bonneville dark chocolate bar and there was about £2.50 worth of it. I ate two rows before Bobby found it and ate the rest. He's somehow still alive and healthy. Somewhat overweight, but perfectly healthy otherwise.

Sometimes when he grooms himself, he makes his own leg twitch. If you (Mum) scratch him in the right place on both sides of his body, he'll look like he's riding a bike.

The first time he saw my hamster in its ball, he didn't know what to think. He was trying to concentrate on my mum and aunt but the yellow ball moving on it's own caused too much of a distraction and he tried to chuck his toys at it.

He loves to look out the window. Not because he wants to be outside, he just loves looking for dogs walking down the street. When he does, he cries and runs back and forth upstairs from window to window.

You also have to be careful with what you say around him because he can understand more English than you think. You cant say the following words:

  • Bath
  • Beach
  • Abbey
  • KissKiss
  • Toofers
  • Shall we...
  • Going to work

Bath, Going to work, KissKiss, and Toofers will make him growl and walk away and sulk on the stairs. All the others will make him excited and it'll take forever for him to calm down. Bath time isn't so much of an issue as one would think. He doesn't like it, but he just doesn't put up much of a fight. If anything, you feel bad for him because he climbs in the tub on his own, looking all sorry for himself. It's just when you're rubbing in the shampoo is when he sounds like a motorbike.

But he's always ready for bedtime with mum on her bed. He's like a human toddler when it comes to sharing a bed. He loves to cuddle her but she can't cuddle back. She'd be lucky enough to be granted the pleasure of touching his back.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

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