Us Pretty Brown Girls

Hospitals, Day care, playground and parks, these locations are all meant for the well-being and engagement of our children. Not just any children however, these children are special. You see these children bombard you at the door from a day’s work. They insist you rub their bellies when your hands are most occupied, and any meal you make, it’s no longer yours but ours. These are the children that go viral on social media at the mention of their names and the very children we avoid our social life with people for. Bottom line, you’re pets are family and basically just like you’re children. Now they can’t grow up and become Doctors, or Farmers, or lead a civil rights movement for justice, but boy do they put a smile on faces. Owning a pet is a great responsibility and caring for a malnourished pup will have you realizing how strong you really are when being strong is all they depend on. Here’s the story of when I found Cocoa Chanel deJesus.

In 2017, I was doing a lot of freelance work, a little Uber here and a few Door Dash deliveries to make up the extra time in between peak hours. One day during a Door Dash delivery, I walked past a house that was in awful condition and outside on their small, patchy lawn were pit-bull puppies all barricade in an octagon cage outside. I was overwhelmed with joy by their playfulness the way they toppled one another and couldn’t take my eyes off them as I walked to the neighbor next door to deliver their order. As I was walking back, I couldn’t help but to peak by the cage for a quick hello. They all came to greet me with licking curiosity, all but one, a brown spotty thing who could fit just in the palm of my hands. The owner all this time was sitting on his patio unseen by the screening and he yelled out, “you want one?” Startled being caught in action I exclaimed, “oh my gosh, yes! I can’t afford one though. You see I just delivered food to your neighbor; I need the extra cash.” He explained to me that the puppies were just born six days ago and that he hadn’t taken them to the vet or had any treatment done since the day they came out, so they were going pretty cheap. I looked again and weighed the responsibilities for the long term, then the puppy that didn’t greet me caught my eyes again. It was the only one in the litter that wasn’t playing. I asked about it and the man said she was the last to come out and usually runts don’t “live long”, so he advised me to pick another. When he said that, I felt a sense of self-reflection because of how badly I was dealing with depression and mental dysphoria, I too had wished I didn’t have long to live. I asked if I took her what would be his price, he said, “what do you have?” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ten-dollar tip I made on a delivery but tried to assure him if he’d save her for me, I’d try to come back with more the next day. He told me it was no worries and to just take her, so I scooped her fragile body in my arms and off we went to my hometown vet.

Cocoa had a lot of issues growing as a pup and I had a lot of learning to do about Pit-bulls and the cost of having this breed. In order to provide her with the care she needed, I had to make some major changes in my living expenses. Cocoa was the reason I can proudly say I lived off seven PB and J sandwiches a day for four and a half months just to afford vet visits and medications, medicated shampoos, puppy supplies and more. She’s the reason I woke up two hours earlier to bathe her in warm oatmeal baths and pamper her before my 12-hour shifts. When I look back at our time getting to know each other, I realized both of us had developed a willingness to live so we could see each other again. And now, at the age of three years old, she’s grown into a spoiled, intelligent, playful partner who listens to me recite homework lessons and seems to genuinely take an interest in my conversations sitting attentively to my every word. Even now, she watches the screen as I’m typing our story to you. It took me a while to realize that she mimics the very characteristics I feel I lacked and never judged me for being a trans-man. To know that she was depending on me seemed more like an honor than a responsibility. I don’t live on PB and J sandwiches now, not that she ever knew the difference, but that self-discipline and perseverance, channeled something in me I forgot was even there, the tenacity for unconditional love and an unforeseen journey of life and playtimes together.