Toby Thunderbutt - Family Hero

by Rosalyn Grams about a year ago in dog

Some heroes wear capes—others fart!

Toby Thunderbutt - Family Hero

That's Toby in the photo. Well, that's what the humans call him. His dog friends named him "Thunderbutt" in honour of his ability to produce the most disgusting, stinky, vomit-inducing farts... at will. That's right—Toby Thunderbutt can fart at will: and this is his superpower!

Practice makes perfect.

Every important skill must be practised and honed, so that you can do what you learned well enough, when needed. Chefs must learn to use knives safely so that they can chop vegetables in their jobs. Drivers must learn how a steering wheel works before they can become a bus-driver.This kind of logic is why Toby decided to practice his farting at home in his spare time, when he wasn't going for walks, chewing the buttons on the TV remote, or eating sandwiches left unguarded by the smaller humans in the house.Toby arrived to live with his humans a couple of days after the baby did. The first time Toby farted, the mummy human thought the baby had filled its nappy but when she checked the nappy was still clean, not a smear in sight!... So what the hell was that stink? She opened the windows, sprayed the air-freshener, and started checking the bins and food disposal area by the sink for the source of the terrible stench.

Toby watched the human's reaction to his specially made bum-puffs with amusement. They didn't have enough hands to cover their noses, spray the air-freshener, and open the nearest window all at the same time. Giggling while they struggled to breathe, he had figured out that the "silent-but-deadly" ones brought a much better and more extreme reaction from the humans than his loud ones—and he could let some utter rippers go!

When Toby choked the cat...

Marmalade - The Family Cat

Marmalade is the family cat, who lives with Toby and the humans. She likes to follow Toby around in a sadistic hunting game, pretending Toby is her prey. Last week, however, her game did not go quite as planned...

On her usual prowl, she followed Toby into one of the bedrooms and sat watching him from a chair while he proceeded to give one of their shoes a thorough chewing. A sudden gust of air from the open window suddenly slammed the door shut. On hearing this, Toby immediately ran over to the door to check out this new noise. However, when he realised he couldn't get out of the room, Toby went back to chewing the shoes—making a mental note to remember that the red ones tasted better.

When he'd finished his chewing task for the day, Toby needed something else to do so thought he'd practice his farting. Letting an absolute ripper out FFFFFFFFFfffffffffrrrrrrrppppppp! Toby giggled to himself, remembering his friend's reaction to his first ever bum-puff effort; when they named him "Thunderbutt."

Hearing a choking spluttering sound, our Thunderbutted pooch turned to find Marmalade sprawled on her side, trying to cover her nose with her paws because she couldn't get out of the room. She squirmed and struggled to breathe, gasping:

"That's disgusting! What the hell is wrong with your butt? Did something crawl up there and DIE?"

Well, thought Toby, she shouldn't have been sneaking up on me again... but while I have her captive—let's practice "Stealth Mode."Marmalade was still covering her face with her wee ginger paws, even though the smell was starting to wear off a bit and she could almost breathe normally again. She didn't notice Toby sneak over and slip behind the chair she was sitting on, so when his next "silent but deadly" superfart hit her she almost vomited and sprawled on her side again, gasping for air. Utterly disgusted, she didn't follow Toby again for almost a week after this incident.

Noises in the Night

Daddy gets hungry after he drinks his "special juice" from a can. Mummy keeps her "special juice" in a green wine bottle. She doesn't get hungry, though. She just calls her friends on that phone thing for hours... then falls asleep. After drinking his special juice, Daddy normally has a nap then gets up later and announces he has something called "the munchies." At this point he normally gets out of bed and goes to get something to eat from the fridge. Toby doesn't know what "munchies" are but likes to help with the eating part of this regular event in his home.

On one of the evenings when Daddy drank his special juice, he and Toby both decided to have nap. Toby was woken up a wee while later by sounds from the kitchen and thought ,"Hey, munchies time with Daddy—maybe I can eat chicken!" Bolting down the stairs and along the hall to the kitchen doorway, Toby came to an abrupt halt when he realised the fridge door wasn't open and that the human in the room wasn't the one called Daddy. He didn't like this one—this one came over and tried to grab him, but Toby was too fast for him. He bolted under the table out of reach, while he tried to work out what to do next. The burglar got down on his hands and knees and began to crawl under the table telling Toby, "I'll get a few quid selling a pup like you"... but didn't get to finish the sentence as the wind blew the back door shut and Toby let a bloody ripper of a superfart out! "FFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrppppp!!!" before scampering towards the stairs barking as loudly as he could to wake up the Daddy and the Mummy. It was the loudest bark and the loudest fart Toby had ever made in his whole puppy life!

When the Daddy came downstairs to see what the noise was all about, he found the burglar choking and struggling to breathe so, very quickly, he twatted him with a frying pan before tying his hands together behind his back with thick brown parcel-tape... and then he opened a window to get rid of Toby's superfart while Mummy called the police.

One of the policemen who came to take the burglar away told his family that Toby Thunderbutt had saved them from a very bad man. His most disgusting fart ever had overpowered the burglar, making him drop to the floor like a sack of spuds while Toby scampered away to warn his family.

Toby Thunderbutt was a stinky-smelling hero!

dog
Rosalyn Grams
Rosalyn Grams
Read next: Calling All Wannabe Pet Owners
Rosalyn Grams

#walking on wonky knees
I write about journeys,imaginary worlds, disability challenges, satire & other topics.  
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