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The Cat and the Ashtray

A Story I Regret

By Adrian RPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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A couple of years ago, a cat we inherited brought home a best friend. They were both maybe three, four months old, both male and still very playful. Although the new cat was slightly larger than our original, he was very skittish and shy for a long time. To this day, he is scared of cats smaller then himself.

For several months a huge alpha male alley cat (a real monster) would come around to harass them, spray his musk and cause all kinds of racket.

My wife, by the way, is allergic to cats and wouldn't have them in the house anyway. The furniture would suffer I suppose so I'm only allowed outdoor pets.

One day, I hear a cat-fight out back and head outside. I catch a glimpse of the monster running off and I find the new cat with a clean slice across his left cheek. It would surely fill with puss, lead to an infection and definitely need medical attention.

I grabbed some medical wipes and a tube of super glue. A 1986 independent study suggests that super glue can be safer and more functional for wound closure than traditional sutures. It's just way harder than 'using super-glue on a cat' sounds. As well as painful enough to make me angry.

Now I've always had trouble sleeping, and at the time, I was working as a business trainer. When teaching a class of fellow employees, not looking tired is very important. Class start time? Six in the morning.

Weeks later, I woke up one night at two a.m. for no reason and went outside to smoke a cigarette. The evil alley cat made another appearance and I was still carrying a grudge.

He walks by and doesn't notice me as I was pretty still at the time just chilling in place whilst inhaling and exhaling. Without moving my head, I look around and notice the outdoor ashtray. It's made of thick heavy glass, quite angular, and the only plausible projectile within arm's reach.

Like most guys, I've done my share of chucking stuff over the years and I tell everyone that I have pretty good aim. But even given a perfectly round baseball I would not have bet more than a dollar that I'd have a successful throw. I honestly was only hoping to scare him away. I knew the cat could notice me at any moment and didn't have enough time to consider the situation more carefully.

I make my move, the alley cat takes off (much faster than I had anticipated and way off from where I had actually aimed) and runs headfirst into the flying ashtray. The bonk sounded like a coconut. No hiss, no caterwauling, no sound from the cat's mouth at all. Just a couple of brief tail gyrations with death spasms.

Now I do feel horrible and I apologize, but here comes the really bad part: I needed to get back to sleep as soon as possible. Normally, I would have buried that cat. Instead, he ended up flying over the back fence after a mighty heave off the end of a garden rake. Poor guy. I'll never throw anything at another animal ever again.

You can stop reading at this point. I’ve learned my lesson from this story, and need only to add to the word count in order to be able to share this fantastic tale with the world at large. May it bring a smile to as many happy faces as is possible. May the Force by with you. Remember to spay and neuter your pets, and have a very merry life.

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About the Creator

Adrian R

Bit of a tearaway sharing stories that I would tell the children that I always wanted but never had.

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