The Best and Brightest Have Fur

There is a wonderful Japanese proverb that my dad taught me. We have three faces. Our first face is the one that we show other people. It is the best performance we can give, whether it be a job interview or first date. This face is what we want people to see us as and remember us by. Our second face is the one we show to family and close friends. This is the face people talk about when they really know you. They see your strengths and weaknesses and love you for all of them.

The third face is the one that is known only to you. This is the face that we keep to ourselves because it is the truest reflection we have of ourselves and that is something almost sacred. Authenticity, I believe, is when your third face shows. The face we show to no one contains the part of us that we are scared to show anyone, but also the face that makes us who we are at our core. More importantly, it is the face that is full of potential for who you could be. For most people, I believe that this is the best of us because it is inherently ‘you’, something no one else can ever claim.

My third face shines through when I work with animals.

Cats have always been a huge part of my life. I have never lived in a home without a cat. I got my own kitten from a shelter when I was three years old and he was, and is, the pride and joy of my life.

I miss him every day.

I was eight when my mom brought home our first foster kittens. The mother, a beautiful tabby named Lucy, came into the shelter with two babies. She was cold, struggling, and starving. She was doing everything she could to keep her kittens fed and healthy. She was barely more than a kitten herself. Lucy was so scared when she came into our home. We had her set up in a cardboard box with blankets and towels so that her kittens couldn’t escape but she could roam. A heater was placed a little ways away.

Eventually, Lucy trusted us enough to let us hold her babies and nap on our lap. All three cats got adopted to good homes where they got to live their lives warm, fed, and loved. We kept fostering after that. We took in cats that were ‘unadoptable’ because they were sick or mean. If we couldn’t find them homes, which was rare, they joined our family permanently. We had hundreds of cats and kittens come through our home. We loved each and every one of them.

Waddles, a kitten born with defective back legs, learned to walk and grew up healthy. Jell-O, a small calico baby, never grew up to be an adult. But he still found the strength to purr before bed every night despite a deadly respiratory infection. Venus, a mother cat who’s owners never got her fixed, was sent to the shelter 4 times with 4 litters. She was the best mom to her kittens and took many orphans in without question. She got to live out the rest of her life with a new family who loved and cherished her. Jack and Jill, two orphans, tried but ultimately couldn’t make it without their mother. I learned while taking care of these cats that everyone, animal or human, deserves to live a life where they are loved unconditionally, no matter how long or short their life is.

As I got older, I stopped being just a helper to my mother and instead became a co-caregiver to the animals. With this came an even closer connection with the cats. I no longer just cuddled and fed them, I cleaned up after them. I prepared beds and kennels for sick or nursing cats. I helped give the medicine instead of just watching my mom do it. I became a surrogate mother for orphaned babies. I would hold them close and feed them warm milk. I would help them to go to the bathroom and hold them close to my chest for hours to keep them warm.

Most importantly, I loved them. Just like human children, kittens create deep emotional bonds with those around them. What people won’t tell you about kittens is that, without a mother or surrogate mother cat, they will die most of the time. People rarely can connect with kittens to the extent they need to survive. Hundreds of cats have passed through my home and many of them were orphaned, sick, or premature kittens. Most of them died. So many kittens have taken their last breath in my arms. And I cried for each and every one of them. Every animal is a living, breathing being with a unique personality and so much life in them. They have likes and dislikes and connections with people and other animals. They deserve to live a life loved and taken care of. And they deserve to know that, when they die, someone is going to be there until the very end. It hurts me every time but I will never stop.

I wish that I could be that compassionate in every aspect of my life. I wish I could care and love everyone and everything as much as I do the beautiful and amazing animals that I hold. But I’m human. I’m never going to be my best self all the time. But I want to try. I learn about myself with every new furry addition to my family, temporary or otherwise.

Authenticity is when you are true to your personality and values. Authenticity is when you are genuine or real. Authenticity for me is trying to be my best. It’s trying to be compassionate and caring. I fail, all the time. It’s an impossible task and I’m so far from perfect that it’s laughable. I will never be perfect, but I can do my best.

I learned that my best self shines through I’m playing with rambunctious 4 month old kittens that are leaving scratches everywhere. I’m my best when I’m crying over a small body that deserved more time. I’m my best self when I have a cat curled up on my pillow, purring as we both fall asleep.

It took me a long time to learn my authentic self and I’ll never stop learning and growing and discovering more about the woman I am or the woman I can be. And I’m immeasurably grateful for every purr and hiss, every scratch and lick, every bit of love and misery that my four-legged friends have sent my way. They’ve helped me become who I am today and I can only hope to continue returning the favor by loving them, myself, and the people around me.