Relicta No More

May 15th, 2016

Well today my fiancé found a kitten at work, though calling it a kitten paints a false picture of sweet purrs and adorable paws. This is a 200-pound tiger disguised as a two-pound orange tabby. This is a demon that was accidentally summoned by some teenagers with an Ouiji board and got relegated to the body of this kitten. This creature is as feral as they come.

Apparently this poor guy got trapped inside Home Depot and led Rick and his co-workers on quite the merry chase before they were able to catch him. Since I volunteer at the Tallahassee-Leon County Animal Service Center, Rick offered to bring the beastie home so I could take him in to the shelter. There’s just one problem: the shelter is closed on Sundays, and tomorrow they’re only open for a half-day in the afternoon. We’re leaving to go to Gatlinburg for two days tomorrow morning.

I figure we can set the little terror up in the bathroom with enough food and water for while we’re gone, and I can craft him a makeshift litter box. Then when we get back I’ll bring him in to the shelter. He’ll be separated from our cats, Tama and Pearl, in case he has any communicable diseases, and Cadence, though he’s the sweetest black lab and shepherd mix you’ll ever meet, will be spared from the temptation of making him a snack. Though eating something that fiery would probably give him awful indigestion.

I do want to point out the irony of my fiancé barring me, the future vet, from coming home with any animals, and then him turning up with a kitten.

May 18th, 2016

Our trip was a blast and we got back late last night. I don’t honestly know why I didn’t bring Homer to the shelter today, which is what we’ve taken to calling the little flame atronach since Homer is the mascot for Home Depot. I guess I got busy studying after class, then I got busy playing Skyrim, and then by the time I looked up it was after closing.

I haven’t really seen the phantom menace since we put him in the bathroom. I went in once and he still had some food and water left and then I mostly tried to leave him alone – he’s clearly still terrified. But while Homer’s with us, I’ve started trying to teach him to use the litter box by placing his poops in his makeshift box. His future owners will thank us.

May 23rd, 2016

“We can take him to the shelter any time” sounds an awful lot like “I can quit any time I want” when I really start to think about it. Maybe that’s why I haven’t really thought about it.

In the meantime, I made a vet appointment for Beelzebub Lite for tomorrow to make sure he’s healthy. He’s taken to doing this cute little thing where whenever we go in the bathroom he darts between the bathtub and vanity and starts hissing. You never see the hellcat - you just hear his adorable hisses. It also seems that he really doesn’t like the shower, not that I can blame him.

May 24th, 2016

We learned at the vet today that the ghost of panthers past is about 9 weeks old, and you know what they say about assumptions. I thought that since the terror machine was an orange tabby, that meant it was a boy. 95% of the time that would be correct, but it looks like Homer is actually a rare she-devil and we’re going to need a new name. You know, just to properly call her by before we bring her to the shelter.

May 31st, 2016

We settled on Coda, a musical symbol that represents the final passage of a piece for the hellion’s new name. Tama and Pearl are both named after drum brands, and Cadence is the name of a piece played by a drumline so we thought it was a good fit.

I’ve also tried to apologize for her kitten vaccines last week by adding some tuna and cheese to her meals. We’re still doing our routine of hiding and hissing, though she does’t seem to be wedging herself quite as far back in there as she was before.

June 4th, 2016

Any thought of bringing Coda to the shelter has finally faded, especially since these last few days she’s finally begun to come out of her shell. It started with her not running behind the vanity when I went in to use the bathroom. I must say I was half-expecting her to attack my feet as I was sitting on the toilet, and I’m not entirely sure that she wasn’t thinking about it as she just sat there – staring at me. It’s hard to tell what’s going through the mind of a gremlin.

She also let Rick pet her today for the first time! It turns out she’s got this super deep purr, which I would say I’m surprised could come from such a tiny body if I hadn’t already heard the other demonic noises she’s made. Nevertheless, Rick pet her for a few minutes and she seemed to be actually enjoying it. Granted, she turned into a whirlwind of claws and teeth when she decided she was done being social, but it’s progress.

June 12th, 2016

The absolute cutest thing happened today. Coda actually climbed up on Rick’s shoulder, and sat there for a good long while. She ripped him to shreds when he tried to put her back down, naturally, but it was still adorable.

I think she and the other girls have had enough time to get used to each others’ smells, though all I hear whenever either of them go to her door is hissing, and I don’t think Cadence will try and mess with her much. Now that we know she isn’t contagious with anything, tomorrow we’re gonna let her start exploring the rest of the house.

June 13th, 2016

Well Coda mostly stayed and hid in the bathroom today, but I guess that was to be expected. It’s a big, new world out there.

June 20th, 2016

We’ve started bringing Coda into bed with us and playing with her. She is wicked-fast with those needle claws and teeth, and we’ll definitely need to get her some better toys to shred than our hands. She’s also tolerating us petting her more and more, though a quick nip or swat is still her favorite way to say she’s done.

She also seems to be a lot more comfortable in the house and she’s been doing a great job of using the big litter box. I did have to pull Cadence out and away from her - but she had decided to explore his crate. Not her best idea, but I think it scared her enough that she won’t try it again.

Speaking of, Coda still hisses and puffs up whenever she sees Cadence but he’s started turning tail and heading back the way he came whenever they encounter each other. I don’t know if she ever slashed his nose, but sometimes I swear he’s more afraid of her than she is of him. Coda and the girls are also still hissing at each other fairly regularly, but all three of them managed to coexist on the bed today which is fantastic progress!

July 18th, 2016

Something I never thought would happen occurred today. I took an hour-long nap with Coda nestled up against my chest. It was glorious. She also asked to be pet for the first time and I love her deep, rumbly purr. She’s still a little turd when she wants to be and everything is completely on her terms, but seeing where she started as a feral/possessed kitten I can’t help but be amazed by how much we’ve come to accept each other. She’s definitely part of our family now.

May 15th, 2016

Today I was kidnapped. I am scared. My captors are two clumsy, ugly humans – a man whose name appears to be Rick and a woman whose name appears to be Stephanie. They have placed me in a cramped, tiled room with a single closed door and a frosted window. There is a huge, white, rectangular bowl with drapes covering it that I do not understand the purpose of, and two other structures that are too high for me to jump on.

There does not appear to be any means of escape, though my captors were merciful enough to place bowls with both food and water in my cell. There is also a plastic container with some form of gravel in it. I do not understand the purpose of this, either.

How did I find myself in this predicament? I was separated from my mother and siblings as we were running from the noisy, smelly machine behind the building where there are sometimes mice. I took cover in that building where everything is orange, planning to hide out between the lumber stacks until the coast was clear and then return to the outside.

I suppose it all went wrong when I hissed at that first human. Mother did not teach us much about fighting in our eight weeks of life, so I thought that scaring away the human that wandered too close to my hiding place was the best course of action. I was wrong.

I was chased, tormented, captured, and manhandled. I scraped my nose during one of my desperate attempts to evade my orange-aproned assailants, and eventually I was caught and placed in a clear containment device by the human called Rick. There was no escaping it. I was then loaded into one of those noisy machines, and transported to my current holding cell.

I am not alone in this dwelling. There appear to be two other cats that I have smelled from across the door. They are not allies. There is also a black, monstrous beast with teeth like daggers and a horrendous stench. I assume he is my warden, and any attempts at escape must include a plan to outmaneuver him as well.

I heard the humans discussing bringing me to something called a “shelter” when they get back from their “trip”. Whatever that is, I just hope my mother is there.

May 18th, 2016

The humans returned from their “trip”. They visited my cell, and I found that I could squeeze myself between the enigmatic white bowl and the tallest structure to avoid being seen by them. I let them know my displeasure with the whole situation in a series of hisses and growls. They soon left, but not before placing my waste matter in the container of gravel. I am confused by this gesture.

The nourishment they first provided has lasted the duration of their absence, and I can only hope they will replenish my bowls with more on future visits. I must admit it has been nice to have consistent access to food - that has not been the case since mother’s milk dried.

I have exchanged hisses with the other two cats on the premises over the last few days under the door, and there is no doubt now that they are hostiles. It also seems that the humans are referring to me by the name of “Homer”. I am Relicta, and I refuse to answer to “Homer”.

May 23rd, 2016

My days have passed in a regular monotony. My captors occasionally enter my cell each day to utilize the structures inside, at which time I take cover in my usual place. I have learned that the large, white bowl is actually part of a rain-storm torture chamber. I pray they never subject me to such a cruel punishment.

They continue to try and coax me into their presence, but they insist on referring to me as Homer. I have also gleaned that my captors continually place my waste matter into the gravel container because they wish for me to excrete it there myself. I suppose I can accommodate this, for fear of retaliation.

I have not made sufficient progress on an escape plan. The blueprint of my cell requires that I expose myself fully to the humans as they open the door, as there is no access to the door from my hiding place. I may have to build up their trust before such a plan is feasible.

May 24th, 2016

Today those monsters cornered me, recaptured me, and brought me to a fresh hell known only as “the vet”. I do not wish to talk about it.

May 31st, 2016

My captors have attempted to make amends for the events of last week with various offerings of delicacies. I have decided that tomorrow will be the start of my escape plan, whereby I must begin to officially earn their trust. They have also begun calling me “Coda” now, which is fine because I will still not answer to it.

June 4th, 2016

I let the human called Rick pet me today after multiple days of tolerating their presence from afar. I did not expect it to elicit the purr that it did, but I suppose I have missed grooming and being groomed by my family. I soon grew tired of the pretense, however, and let him know that we were done with an open-clawed swat, as I would with my brothers. It did not seem to be well-received, but I was allowed to go in peace. We shall repeat this process tomorrow.

June 12th, 2016

After days of fortifying the trust of both Rick and Stephanie, we took a rather large leap forward this morning. Rick allowed me to climb up him and I found that I quite enjoyed the tall perch of his shoulder. Of course I bit him when he put his hand around me to place me back on the ground, but I would say that in the next few days I should be able to make my attempt at escape.

The plan is as follows: I will wait by the door of my cell and allow whichever human opens it to step inside. Then when they go to push the door closed, I will dart around their oversized feet and follow the route I formulated during my visit to the place that shall not be named. I will take an immediate right upon exiting my cell, skirt the large room to avoid attracting the attention of the beast, then make another right and hide in the room closest to the outside exit. At the next opportunity I will rush out the door from there, to my freedom.

June 13th, 2016

Everything has changed. I am unsure of how to proceed. The humans have opened the door to my cell, possibly permanently, with no fanfare or restriction. I have been hiding in my usual spot, which has admittedly grown more cramped in recent weeks, contemplating this development all morning.

The two other cats – who I now know to be Tama and Pearl, came and familiarized themselves with my former incarceration. I hissed at them and they hissed at me. Our standard interaction.

I do not know if this is the humans’ way of demonstrating trust or insinuating that they know my plans. Either way, I believe that my best strategy from here is to branch out when I am sure no one is around and slowly familiarize myself with the larger prison at hand. It may be that I have been upgraded from solitary isolation to general population.

June 20th, 2016

I have learned to tolerate the humans picking me up. I have been forced to. The humans insist on finding me and placing me on a structure they refer to as “the bed”. I will admit that I enjoy being on “the bed”, as the humans have taken to playing with me there like I used to with my brothers.

I have also managed to mostly avoid the beast, though there was one stand off that Stephanie had to diffuse where I was cornered with no escape route. That is the last time I will mistakenly enter the dwelling of the beast.

The food remains plentiful and I have started using the same gravel as the other cats to make my waste. We have come to an agreement that we will hiss at each other on-sight, and then go our separate ways. It is a good agreement. I have also slowly discovered comfortable places to find respite during the day.

I am surprised to find that I have been less and less vigilant with planning and calculating my escape. There does not seem to be the urgent need there once was. Is this Stockholm syndrome at work?

July 18th, 2016

The humans brought me onto the bed today and I initiated being pet by Stephanie for the first time. I then chose to take my afternoon nap with her. It would seem that Relicta, the tiny, scared, captive kitten, is no more. From now on, I am Coda.