My touchable happiness

When I was a senior in high school, my dad brought a tiny Shih Tzu from an animal shelter. I named him 'Woogie' and I still don't know why. He said that he just went there because a friend of his asked him to tag along. But, when Woogie saw my dad, he straight ran into his arms and didn't let him go. It was not the ideal time for my family to have another addition and we all knew it, when my mom pointed it out, my dad said

"But I mean.. look at that face!"

Fair enough.

Eleven years from that day, it hasn't been a day that our family didn't take enough care of him. Woogie had to spend the first three months of his life in a small cage in the shelter. Back then, we lived in a studio apartment, so there wasn't enough space for him to run around freely. He wouldn't stop running whenever we took him to the park, for he never got to do so before. He smelt and touched everything he could find, and we always made fun of him for being nosy. Every little thing he did made us smile.

No matter how much we loved him, nothing couldn't stop him from getting old and weak. About two months ago, my family had to say goodbye to him. Since I was away from home, I couldn't take care of him or even come to see him as a lockdown happened. The moment I heard that he died from my brother on the phone, my heart sank. After I cried my eyes out for hours, I started replaying old memories with him.

The last time I saw him was when I left home to get to the airport about two years ago. I was going to fly to Australia and come back home a year later. But I changed my plan, never knowing that would be our last bye.

Still, I remember every bit of him. He has such beautiful, long eyelashes on the top of his dazzling eyes. His ears make him look like he has shiny long hair. Soft white and brown hair covers his body. I always thought his back looked like espresso and cream.

He always chose to sleep in my arms or between my legs. He moved his legs restlessly and made a lot of weird sounds when he's asleep, but it never bothered me. It was the cutest thing.

When my granddad that I grew up with passed away a few years ago, I had to fight with overwhelming regrets. His last word was that he wanted to see me, but I wasn't there right next to him. Was I too immature to appreciate the unconditional love? Or was I just arrogant enough to take things for granted? I'd punished myself with these questions for long.

I've never been good at dealing with any kind of loss. One night, I went through all the pictures of Woogie that I've ever taken. I was surprised how many memories we'd shared and how still vivid those were to me.

When you get pets, you already know their time should be shorter than ours. You also understand that sadness and longing belong to those who are left behind. Then why do I keep making the same mistake and falling in love? It sucks that people are made to be too complicated to be in unconditional love. We are too smart. We overthink. We complicate everything. We easily fall in love with a naked body, but what about the imperfect soul under the thin skin? But the puppies, you know, when they love, they only love.

Looking back, Woogie showed me the purest form of love for all those years. It must have changed me a little by little every day to a more loving and caring person to anything alive. We've always been best friends to each other, and he made me laugh countless times. When I lost him, I cried for him, and I remember whenever I cried, he would crawl up to me and stay right next to me for hours.

So, this was our story. For it is too beautiful of a story to cry over, I am not sad anymore when I think of him. I am merely amazed that this little creature taught me from love to pain. Since the day he came to my family, many things have changed. One of them is that my parents built a beautiful two-story house with a big garden. It is such a shame that he died just a few weeks before the house is done. He must have loved that garden.

But no worries, my fluffy mate! One thing that will never change is that I loved you, I love you, and I will love you forever. I couldn't say goodbye to you, but I will never be able to anyway. So bye for now.