My First Baby

“I’m gonna get a cat whether you like it or not!” I said to my boyfriend, Ted.

“I hate cats! I don’t like that litter box smell and picking up all that hair off the floor!” said Ted.

“You have a dog, why can’t I have a cat?”

“He lives outside!”

I rolled my eyes and stomped out of the room. It was not a cat I wanted. I wanted something to love and care for. I wanted something that would love me in return, no matter how I acted.

Trouble brewed in our relationship ever since an accidental pregnancy miscarried. I wanted kids; Ted didn’t. Adopting a cat would further illuminate the differences between Ted and I.

Ted became very distant. We just couldn’t make a connection anymore. After awhile, I didn’t really feel like engaging in any intimate relations with him.

After several days of hearing me whine, Ted finally gave in to my request for getting a cat. I hated manipulating him in that way, but in this case, I just had to have my way.

One Saturday afternoon, we traveled to the local animal shelter and adopted “Laney”, a domestic long-haired cat. She was solid white, with crystal blue eyes. She was about two years old. (I had gotten a long-haired cat just to spite Ted). I fell in love with Laney the first time I set eyes on her.

We took her home, and I showered her with all kinds of attention. She had the best food, toys and amenities that any cat would love.

Soon, after working long hours at work, I would look more forward to coming home to Laney rather than Ted.

Ted picked up on my feelings. He began to resent Laney and would complain about her all the time.

“That damn cat stinks! She sheds all the time, and scratches up all the furniture!” Ted would scream.

“That’s what cats do!”

By that time, I didn’t care what he thought of Laney. I loved her, and that’s all that mattered.

Over time, Ted and I got sick of looking at each other and fought everyday. Eventually, I told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I took Laney, packed my belongings, and left.

I found an apartment close to my workplace. It was just me and Laney, and we were happy. Ted and I had been together for six years. Leaving him left me with a welcome sense of relief. I felt I could breathe again. It was very refreshing to be alone and not be held accountable to anyone else or worry about making someone happy on a constant basis.

About a year after leaving Ted, I met Michael. He had light brown hair, dark brown eyes, a toned physique, and big hands. (Heehee!)

We dated for about two years before he proposed marriage to me. He was exactly what I wanted in a man. He was financially secure, gentle in spirit, and not too wimpy, but not too macho. He was perfect. I said “yes” to his marriage proposal, and we married within six months.

Michael had an allergy to cat hair.

“We’ve gotta get rid of this cat, Elizabeth!” he said to me.

“Oh, no! I’ve been through hell and highwater with this cat, and she’s not goin’ anywhere!”

“So what are you sayin’? That you care about that cat more than me?”

“No, Michael, of course not, but she WAS here before you, and you can’t just expect me to get rid of her just like that!”

“Well you know I’m allergic to cats, and there’s no way I can go on like this.”

“We just need to try to work out some kind of compromise.”

I hated being so mean to Michael, but I couldn’t get rid of Laney so easily. I had become attached to her and she was a part of me. We were buddies.

Michael decided to take some Benedryl, an over-the-counter allergy medicine, to help ease the discomfort of the allergy. It did help, a little.

I kept Laney’s hair groomed and I vacuumed the carpet daily. I closed the door to our bedroom so Michael could have some relief from her, if he needed it. This system worked until our daughter, Tracey, was born.

The first month after we brought Tracey home from the hospital, she started displaying the allergy symptoms. She was sneezing, her nose was runny, and she scratched her skin constantly.

I didn’t want to admit it at first, but I knew deep in my heart what we had to do.

We took Tracey to the pediatrician. The doctor immediately diagnosed her allergy to cats. He prescribed Zyrtec for her allergies, and asked us to get rid of the cat.

When we returned home, I could not face anyone. I went into my room and cried. People who do not care about pets probably would not understand my reaction. But, those who do own and love pets, know EXACTLY what I must have been going through on that day.

The next morning I resolved to let Laney live outside. I just could not bring myself to give her away and never see her again. I figured if I kept feeding her and playing with her outside, she would not stray too far.

After arriving home from work one afternoon, I searched for Laney. I put her favorite food in her bowl and set it on the ground outside. I waited all night; she never showed.

I surrendered to the thought that someone had most likely taken her in. I was mad at myself for not having the courage to find her a nice family who would take care of her. At least then I would know she was okay and I could live in peace.

Now, I had no idea where she was, or who had taken her.

Was she being fed properly? Did they ever mistreat her? I had nightmares about her for weeks. The guilt had overwhelmed me.

Two years went by. They say time heals. I have healed from my pain of losing my beloved pet. I still think of her from time to time and sometimes she even comes to me in my dreams. I knew we would be reunited with each other in Heaven.

Traveling to the grocery store, one evening, Michael and I pulled out of our apartment complex. I was looking out the window of the car when I noticed a cat that looked identical to Laney, playing with two children in the front yard of their home. The cat looked happy and healthy.

“Stop the car!” I yelled at Michael.

“Why?” he asked.

Then I thought about it, and realized that even if it was Laney, there was nothing I could do about it. I could not take her back in, and I just hoped that whoever those people were that took her in had given her a good home.

“Nevermind,” was all I could mumble.

I love my daughter, but Laney will always hold a special place in my heart because she was my first “baby”.

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