My best friend.

🥞 An Ode to Pancakes 🐈

Little Gray Paws

And meows full of life

Waiting at the door

For me to arrive.

If I don’t come in fast enough

The meows get even louder!

That’s my best friend on the other side

And he’s always been a shouter ♥️

-

Let me tell you about

My best friend, Pancakes ♥️

Pancakes

Was my favorite

Of a litter of 5.

Born in April of 2020,

During the height of the COVID pandemic,

His face was the first of the kittens

I saw after I arrived

From my drive

To a friend’s house

To see the widdle babies 

That had only wecently come awive ♥️

I still have the first picture

I ever took with him

From the first day we met.

-

I’ve had other cats before

But never like you...

You were at my side

Through the worst year of my life.

We experienced homelessness together.

You rode on my shoulders

Or sat next to me

Consoling and comforting me

As tears ran down my face from day to day,

Caused by literal days and weeks of starvation,

Untreated physical injuries,

And a world that slowly, methodically,

and intentionally

 Fell apart around us

-

After enduring day

After day

After day

Of life devastation,

I still remember the morning

that the world finally broke me...

I walked to one of my kitchen drawers,

Pulled out a serrated knife,

Walked to the sofa,

And sat in silence

For several minutes.

-
Life had beaten me…

For the first time in my life.

I’d contemplated ending everything.

And then...

I felt a familiar headbump

On my left leg.

You didn’t meow.

You just looked at me.

And I ultimately ended up deciding

That there was no way in hell

I’d ever leave you alone in this life.

Because you’d never left me.

-

Pancakes

is the last surviving sibling

of that litter of 5.

By taking him in,

I saved his life.

And by taking me into his,

He saved mine.

______________________________________________________

Never Again.

A few minutes until midnight

On August 31st, 2021

I wrapped my best friend

In a towel and covered his eyes

On the way to my car.

After the minute long walk

That seemed like an eternity

Shrouded in meows reminiscent

Of a confused and betrayed child

I finally got to the car door

Opened it quickly,

And let you loose into the backseat

That was full of everything

I could fit in there.

I slammed the door as quickly as possible

So you wouldn’t rush out to follow me.

I could hear you meowing loudly

on my final walk back to the apartment,

Until I went inside for the final time.

I took a look at so many

Of the belongings I had to leave behind.

Nothing else would fit in my car

And the smallest storage I managed to rent out

Was completely full.

Among the things

I had to leave behind

In the apartment

Were boxes of

Memories taken from my childhood home.

The home

I intentionally left

Along with a family

I intentionally never wanted to see again.

I left behind trinkets…

Remnants of a marriage

And a spouse that left me

In isolation

 With nothing but the company

Of my best friend for more than a year

Who now sat in a car,

Waiting for me

To finish shedding my tears,

Wondering what I'm going to do now.

Where we’re going to go…

-

The next few weeks of being unhoused

Felt like an eternity.

Although I only had to live out of my car

For a fraction of a month

Before finally finding

The hovel I currently inhabit,

My hardest challenge

Was having to see Pancakes terrified,

Hiding between

The piles of clothes and boxes in my car.

-

As I started drifting into sleep.

In the driver’s seat in a parking lot

On the first night,

I called out to Pancakes

And promised him that this wouldn’t last.

-

You’re always so talkative…

But hearing those timid, fearful mews

Absolutely destroyed me.

I promised myself

I’d never again put you through this.

-

The next morning, I somehow got permission

From my work manager, to let you into the building

So you wouldn’t have to stay in the car.

So again, I wrapped you in a towel

And took you into a room upstairs.

I thought maybe that would help you get calm

But after just two nights there

You seemed even more afraid and confused.

And so was I…

-

Every apartment I’d found

Asked for hundreds of dollars

In pet deposits

That I absolutely couldn’t afford.

It was either keep you and keep living in the car,

Or give you away and

Find a nice comfortable, apartment to live in

Immediately.

It wasn’t difficult to pick the first choice.

Then I started seeing

the way it was affecting you too...

The homelessness itself left me scarred

And humbled,

But what I fear most about it happening again

Is putting my best friend.

The only family I have,

Through that unnecessary

Fear and confusion.

He felt his own take on homelessness.

Where even I couldn’t calm

His anxieties and fears.

Never again.