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My Battle for the Bathroom

All I wanted to do was pee.

By Destiny HarrisPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Type of snake I saw, black racer. This is not my photo! Photo credits @Colubridconnor Instagram.com

Do you ever accidentally create a new dance when you’re standing behind someone by crossing and uncrossing your legs or swaying side to side? Then by some odd force of nature these movements cause you to start generating sweat which tingles a lot on your face. So, you try to focus your energy on something else, anything else but all you can hear are church members pouring drinks down the hall. You start to wonder if you should have stepped out of service early when the pastor claimed, “I’m almost done” an hour before he actually was. After standing in an excruciatingly long line for the woman’s restroom your bladder had all but completely combusted.

How I wish I could trade genders in that moment. I mean I LOVE MY FEMININITY, but I REALLY HATED THAT LINE. Why is it that women always have to wait in line for the restroom in the first place? Meanwhile men can come and go as they please. It’s really a flaw in human anatomy that women must suffer through life having tinier bladders than men. Architects should really build places with multiple restroom facilities for women. Now my rant is over.

So, I’m standing near the front of the line, inches away from cutting the cord (using the restroom) that would deactivate the bomb (my bladder) about to explode inside (you get the picture). Someone pointed out that there was no one using the restroom to my left and soon I would understand why. The wooden door itself was difficult to shut while I was stumbling to lock it and could not stand for much longer. In the past I can recall at least three different times when someone walked in on me using the restroom all because of the stupid lock not locking. Let’s just say every time I screamed louder than a caged canary. Again, why couldn’t architects make all restrooms with automatic locks? Seriously, it would have saved me a lot of embarrassment as a kid.

Anyways, when the door finally clicked, I looked around the facilities to ensure there was enough toilet paper to use but it seemed rather thin. Searching to the right of the toilet for another roll under the sink I had no luck. So, I decided to just get on with it and sit on the toilet. As I was gazing over the other side of the toilet above the pipes sticking out of the wall was a BLACK SNAKE!

That time I really wanted to scream bloody Mary; however, I held my composure. Its head was piercing through a crummy little hole in the wall inches away from my buttock. Staring straight into its beady cold dead eyes, suddenly my heart stopped, and I did not have to pee anymore. Its black tongue kept creeping in and out of the snake’s mouth giving me an extreme case of anxiety (sorry for those with snake phobia). I don’t even think I was breathing the entire time it was looking at me. Slowly inching away from the snake towards the door, I pulled up my underwear trying to figure out if it was venomous or not. I was praying that I could make it out of the restroom alive.

When I trapped the snake inside the restroom with nowhere else to go, I ran to get help. I directed two of the men from the church to the one all the way on the left. One of them went in first with a broom while the other stood by the door. For three minutes all I could hear was thrashing, clanking, and yelling from the man with the broom. The snake must have slithered out the hole and on to the bathroom floor. I couldn’t believe it didn’t bite me when it had the chance. Those were the longest three minutes of my life. As the door opened the other man outside the door rushed in. Each of them were holding on to one end of the broomstick with the black scaly creature dangling dead on it headed outside.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was almost the full length of one of the men. To those of you who don't know, when you live in Central Florida, this isn’t abnormal to encounter a snake. I was just surprised to find it where I did and lucky I checked my surroundings (paranoia is real). Word of warning: always use the bathroom at home instead of out in a building near the woods.

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About the Creator

Destiny Harris

Inspired by the little things in life. Family. Education. Adventurous.Foodie. Leo.

Contributing writer for the FAU University Press. Currently an undergraduate Multimedia Major concentrating on Journalism.

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