Monkey See, Monkey Do

No literally. Some people have angels, which are much more convenient and conspicuous. Congratulations to you, by the way.

Others have great-grandparents, who’ve earned every silver hair and the right to tell-you-like-is per all they experienced “back in their day,”

But I have an owl.

Don’t get all Twilight Zone on me, and trust, I’m not crazy- excluding the time I self pierced my left eyebrow and the failed attempts to blend veggies in dessert. Note: avocados and zucchini don’t have a real place in fudge brownies...but don’t tell the kids.

It’s quite simple, owls are like parrots. They speak. I guess they just get the whole wise reputation because they use multi-syllable words, full sentences, and multiple languages; unlike most parrots.

Here’s the catch, they don’t come ready-made. I mean it’s not like starting from scratch with an infant. It’s more like those weird 80’s chia pets that already have the seeds in it and you ‘just add water.’ They’re full-bloom in like a week. The weird plant and the owl...

When we first started out, it was like playing a bad game of telephone. Potato was like tomato. It ruined every home-made recipe! Trust me, Hungarian Goulash has never been the same. And, one time I’d heard, ‘watch your pet’ instead of ‘watch your step’. I quickly had the most wishfully forgetful 2nd grade lunchroom flashback. Needless to say, we’ve lived and learned.

I’m sure you’ve heard of, How To train Your Dragon, well, here’s the best tips to get the most out of a wise owl:

Think before you speak

‘What you say can and will be used against you,’ in a court of law, or otherwise. Teach Owl poor grammar, chances are you’ll be rejected not repeated (they are after all wise and know better,) but point being, be selective. Behaving and saying right things even if only an owl is in sight, pays off. It’s honorable, integral, and spares tons of clean up.

"keep in mind

to keep some things

in mind, only"

Also, keep in mind to keep some things in mind, only. Do you really want to start a marital dispute because Owl repeated loathing regards of the mooching brother-in-law who comes over every Monday night football empty handed yet quote unquote ‘famished’? How is it he just happened to ‘have a taste’ for exactly the meatballs or Buffalo wings randomly served, every time? Inquiring minds do want to know but it’s best to just spike his punch, enjoy that halftime show, and never actually question such things, aloud.

Listen

Too often in human conversation we interrupt and rush to reply but if there’s one thing the patience of an owl can demonstrate, it’s the beauty of listening.

It probably seems pretty counter-cultural since there’s a whole social media universe insisting you blog, post, tweet, sing, or say something- albeit quickly and frequently, too… but there’s quite an advantage to listening.

My teens have yet to master this skill. As such, they aren’t aware Owl can speak. Instead they speak freely around Owl. And you guessed it, in turn, Owl speaks freely around me…

I’ve learned so much. Take for example that one kid unsuccessfully attempted vaping, really did try his best but flunked calculus, surprisingly loves classical music, and has a girlfriend on the swim team.

Or take for example the inside scoop of the other one who apparently never actually practices his guitar and just turns out to be a natural, showers approximately every other day, and yet has several dating prospects. He’s clearly a rockstar in the making...God help us all.

‘That lovely two way street called conversation gets lost in construction…’

That lovely two way street called conversation gets lost in construction around teenhood. And although mother’s may ask (and intuitively know better,) kids aren’t as forthcoming with verbal details. But just because they aren’t speaking doesn’t mean listening is any less important. They’re still saying plenty, one way or another.

Lastly,

Enjoy comfortable silence

Knowing what you know doesn't require broadcast or proof. Owls secrets are safe with me and in turn, I get credit for the best ‘how did you know’ every gift-giving. I can show grace with math grades- seriously, who needs Calc anyway? Confessional: I can’t do it either! And knowing the swim team love of a son’s life, helps me force introductions and assure chaperones for every away-game. Best of all I never look like the bad guy.

Fortunately, actions speak louder than words...that is, when wise owls speak.