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by Kira =) 2 months ago in dog
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A sad story of a death. ( sorry idk what i'm doing could be really bad)

Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash

I looked at the clock at 2:30 am. It was October 29 and I had to get up at five that morning for a physical conditioning class I took that trimester of school. After I turned off the TV, plugged my phone in, and got under the covers I called my dogs to lay with me. They ran from the other room and jumped in bed with me. Nala got jealous of her mom who was lying on top of me. I had two dogs. The older and the mom Sara short for Sarabi who was maybe 8. And the baby named Nala, two at the time. Both are named after a "Lion King" character. It was common for my family's pets to get a name from that movie. Sara had been sick recently, so I had tried to spend more time with her. I let her lay with me because I had been upset with her that day and wanted to say sorry, but she was old and got off my bed to lay on the floor. I fell asleep shortly after wanting to be ready for school in a few hours.

I woke up on time at 5:30 am like I did every morning. I heard Nala whining

and then dad yelled to let the dogs out. Wishing she would just be quiet I got out of bed to let them out. I walked to let them out and saw Sara lying in the kennel. I went to get her up to let her outside. I saw she was breathing funny and I kinda panicked. I tried many times to get her up. I could see the panic in her eyes. Sitting there not knowing what to do I cried hoping I was imagining what was happening. I didn't know what to do. She's Sara and she's always ok. Even when she ran off in the woods for hours we found her because she is Sara. I said that over and over in my head hoping she would get up. I had sat there for 5 minutes before I had decided to pretend like it didn't happen. I let Nala outside hoping Sara heard the door and got up to join her kid. No, she's still laying there, but she's Sarah and she will be ok. I slowly walked to my room after letting Nala in; waiting to hear the sounds of two dogs following me to my room. She is Sarah and she will be ok is all I hear. I slowly walked to my room crying but knew I needed to get ready. knowing we were going to leave soon crushed me. The clock hit 5:45 and I had to leave. I had to go pretend as if nothing happened. I was kinda happy because she is Sarah, I know she will be ok. She was probably just in deep sleep, ya she will be right there wagging her tail when I walk home from school later. She will because she is always ok.

I opened the door to get out of the car after I was driven to the school, saying bye to dad and I would see him later. He said bye, love you like he did every day. Because it was a normal day. I walked into the school saying good morning to Mr. Elizondo. Talking like we did every morning. I walked into the locker room and got changed by myself because I was the only girl in this class just like every other day. We left our phones in the locker room because they weren't allowed in class. I was ready for class so I walked out and started stretching. For an hour we worked out and everything was fine, it was normal. I had forgotten what had happened this morning, almost Like it had never happened. Everything was fine. She was and is ok.

I had walked back into the locker room to get dressed and ready for a normal day to start. After getting dressed I looked at my phone to see if I got any notifications. I got some normal assignments I got from the classroom or something that happened on the news. But there was one that made my heart fall to my feet. I sat there staring at my screen rereading it so it would disappear, but it stayed there never leaving my screen. Did you let the dog out? Did you see the dog this morning? Kira call me ASAP. I read it over and over not wanting to call. I brought myself to press the phone shaped button hearing it ring and then stop. Hearing the sadness in my dad's voice broke me. I sat in silence all alone in this locker room hearing my dad try to explain what had happened. He had said something like,” Kira… Sarah had a seizure last night and we have to put her down right now. Erin is here and I was wondering if you wanted to come to say goodbye”. Goodbye? she is always ok, it's Sarah… sitting there in silence I hear,” Kira do you want me to come to pick you up so you can come to say bye to her”. I can’t see her again not like that. “Kira, I need an answer”. I take a deep breath and try to say “No I can't see her like that I'm sorry… tell her I love her”. We sat there in silence crying until the silence was cut by dad saying, “Bye Kira, try to have a good day”. I hung up the phone and sat there for a second trying to comprehend what I just heard. There's nothing I could have done. After a few seconds of taking a deep breath, I went outside to wait for my classes to start.

I had walked outside like I did every morning and sat in my spot like normal waiting for my friends. As I was sitting there I had time to rethink what just happened which was the worst thing that could have happened. By the time Malayna had shown up, I was back in tears. I tried to make it look like I wasn't crying or like nothing had happened. The second she asked what was wrong. I had told her what had happened, and she tried to cheer me up although I don't think she knew what she was doing. I had curled into a ball holding myself trying to hide my face. After more and more students had shown up, I had to calm down. Then one more of my friends showed up. Her name was Lennlee. She saw me crying with red eyes and just hugged me without asking anything yet. When I calmed down a bit, she tried to ask me what was wrong. All I said was, “my dog had a seizure sometime last night”, by this time she was hugging me again. “She has to be put down” I tried to finish my explanation although devastated. I was thinking I have mo0re people I'm going to have to tell this to. The more I said it the more real it got. When Kyla got there she just talked like she didn't want to ask unless I brought it up. I was very happy that I didn't have to say what had happened again. All I wanted to do was go home but also never enter that house again. Entering it and seeing one dog instead of two would make it more real then I think I want it to be this soon.

I remember breakfast being dull. Everything was racing by, but also going in slow motion. When we sat down It was almost a normal breakfast, I did not grab breakfast, and sat down waiting for everyone else. Everyone seems so happy. I buried my head in my arms and tried to drift away from the world, but It wasn't working. I realized I had to play through that day and try to be ok. The bell had rung and the day had just started.

It had already been an hour and the second period had started. I walked into class quietly, something different that day. The first thing that happened was my teacher asking me if I was ok. I don't know why I didn't want her to know what had happened but it kinda bothered me. All I said was “Ya, just tired, long day”. I sat at my desk and then one other person I had to tell walked in. I turned around to my cousin Brooke and tried to tell her what had happened. Before I spoke she had asked what was wrong. I tried to explain to her without showing emotion. The moment I said Sarah I started tearing up. Remember everything that happened only 2 hours before. “Sarah… she had a seizure last night”. The look on her face somehow made it worse. She said sorry without saying it. “And the worst part is I found out in school after zero period”. I just sat there crying not knowing what to do. She had said she was sorry and gave me a huge. Once class started I tried to pay attention to class but couldn't. While we were all putting our stuff away Brooke was on facebook and saw a post my dad had made about the sad loss of Sara. She had asked if I wanted to read it and I did even though I knew what would happen. As I read it and looked at the attached pictures my heart both loved it and was mad dad posted something so soon like he had exempted that she was gone. I didn't know how to feel guilt, anger, or sadness. All I could think ofis how much I could have done to try to get her better.

I had tried to not think of what had happened in the morning until I got home, not wanting to worry anyone because I wasn't my chiper self. There were a few more people that I told and each time it was just as hard. Except for one Miss. G, she was my math teacher and had seen I was acting off. She walked over to me to ask if I was ok. Once I told her first reaction was to ask me “ Do you want chocolate”? I just laughed and said sure. I had a good time in that class with her and my friends trying to cheer me up. I also remember my last class and Mr. King. He was a great teacher, I was in his psychology class. I walked into his class and sat down, because it was a Friday it was a differentiation day. He read us a small story for one of his favorite books that day. This was one of the worst stories I think he could have read. It was just a silly story about this family, but they had many pets and at the end of it unfortunately lost their dog and much more. I tried my best to drown it out but couldn't. Once that class and day had ended I was both happy and scared. I had to go home and find Nala alone.

The day was finally over; it took forever to end. I have never been so scared of the end of school, not having something going on afterwards to stop me from going home. All of a sudden I was at the front of the door to my house. Turning the handle to go inside and see how different it felt. Walking inside, setting all my stuff down, nothing had changed, it all felt the same. I walked into the family room seeing the kennel she was in just this morning. I had to let Nala outside. In order to do that I had to walk past Saras kennel, the one I saw her in. looking in that kennel almost seeing it again. I sat there all the feelings I tried to hide in school came rushing over me and I can't hold back tears. I had to call dad to tell him I had made it home. I was hiding how much the death of my dog had crushed me and decided to joke about how I was letting Nala in and said,”Nala, Sara come inside”. I didn't like the fact there was one dog. When I ended the call all the things that I did wrong with her came rushing in my head and I feel I'm the one to blame. The last thing I could remember doing with that dog was yelling at her because I had a bad day and just lashed out on her. Although this had happened a few weeks before. I couldn't remember any good memories I had with her. I got her when I was about 5. She can't be gone, it's Sara. I was holding Nala saying sorry almost like I was sorry Sara was gone cause it was my fault. Maybe it was, what if I had got someone that morning. Maybe she would be fine. I will never know, but I wish I could have one more day with her to make her last day the greatest day ever.

A few days later I had not settled into the idea or even exempted the fact I have one dog, but I've had to get used to it. Although I still sometimes try to call Sara to come jump in bed with me and when she doesn't I remember things I wish I could forget. I had realized something though, that day hadn't felt real even now it felt as though I was living in a story. Like I was getting a bad story told to me in a good way. Almost like it would end and I would have both my dogs back. But I never woke up and wasn’t going to. It took me a long time to know I wasn’t waking up. All I wanted was for someone to come to the door and say, ”Hello is this your dog she was caught running in our yard”, but I knew that wouldn't happen. I've lost people in my family before but I never had a connection to one like this. I will always miss Sara and never be able to forget her, but I think I can hope she is happy now more than she ever was here.

It has been seven months since the unfortunate death of Sara. I have learned to live with nala and have started saying,” goodbye see you when I get home” everyday whenever I leave her. I do wish that Sara was still here but know that wish will never come true. We got her cremated so she is still in this house. Saying that is a little creepy but I'm happy she can still be here. I now know life moves on even if you are sad or upset it will always continue and you just have to go with it. The further you get from an incident the easier it is to say it happened and to think about, but it is never really easy. We overcame this, but every now and then I think I'm going to have to do this again. Nala will one day pass away and this feeling will come back, and that is ok but this time I know I don't have to keep it a secret or feel any guilt around it. I have many friends and some of my family that will help. I love Sara and know she is ok and safe where she is, because she is Sara.


About the author

Kira =)

Hi, I am still in school and like writing, so I wanted people to read them. I'm not very good when it comes to spelling and grammar so sorry. I don't have much confidence so please be nice and leave a comment if you'd like.

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  • Cristina Hector2 months ago

    Your beautifully written story had me in tears, very relatable. Losing such an important part of the family is never easy.

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