I'm Not There

Preface: to whomever has lost a pet, remember that they were loved, and that those moments that brought you joy weren't quiet little nothings, but a booming fire letting out a seizure on the ballroom floor.

A had just left my job after a less than staller performance, my grandmother had just passed away, I was recently broken hearted and I ha nothing better to do with my time than spend it at a Walmart parking lot and that's when I met him.

I was bored to death and had nothing better to do than to see how my old co-workers were while on their break and use the time to at least pretend that things were fairly okay. Waiting on the bench on a chilly winter evening for something to happen a skinny little cat with a janky tooth came u p to me meowing his weakest meow - a cute little yellow cat, very loving, he must have belonged to somebody I thought.

Well, one thing led to another and he had ended up following me into my car and when I got home decided to help himself into the house. So just like that I had brought home a cat, he was eating like he was starving and hadn't had any food in days but wasn't scared, I gave him a bath and took some photos to print out flyers to post around town to see if anybody was missing him. As luck would have it nobody ever claimed him and he wasn't chipped so what was I to do?

Keep him of course! although he needed a name, a few were thrown out but the one that seemed to be the best fit was that simple little name of the most unassuming of all dinning condiments, "Mustard". and just like mustard on a hotdog (of which he loved to steal) he was a perfect fit in the house. I never felt lonely when he was around, the nights spend cuddling him or mornings woken up by his kitty -kisses across my face were always a joy - but I didn't get to see his final night alive.

After all that time of silly little personnel pet nothing and love he gave me, I felt him with my family and moved away, sure I meant to get him but I knew full well that I would more than likely never see him again. He was just a cat and his world caved in, his hair, thinner, his meow, weaker, he was dying and I left him there. One night I got the call tht he passed away, he was loved by my family but I wasn't there, I failed to be there when he was at his loneliest, like an atom bomb going off in my heart, when the phone rang I just knew the world had caved in. so, with no surprises the big theif of my heart was gone. We all have that one animal that shows us love as full as a landfill when we're tired or unhappy - who make us linger in love while we dance in the dark at the light from the hallway adjacent to the bedroom door, no longer feeling the same way we used to. It's hard to take a living, loving creature home, with a love of all that's to come ahead, and little regard with when the time will come, we still fill our home with photos and mementos, toys and little things to make their lives better - the guns for hire of our hearts.