I have to leave now

I look at you and I feel an incredible love. You have been everything that a creature like myself could have asked for from someone who took care of them. As soon as I saw you that day through the glass of my prison I knew it was you. You’d be the person who would take care of me. So I tried to get your attention. I jumped, screamed, turned around in circles around my cell, and when I stopped to see if my stunts were working, I could tell right away from your gaze that I had captured your heart. You were mine. All of a sudden I was in your arms, and from that moment onwards we’ve been inseparable. It’s true that sometimes I felt a bit smothered, but I can’t deny that I enjoyed all the attention. A lot.

I remember our first walk, our getaways to the forest to go hiking. I know you couldn’t go without me. I was your compass and led the way with pride, always in front so that you wouldn’t get lost.

I remember when you’d take me on trips wherever you went. The first time I boarded a plane was the most unreal experience in my life. I could sense you were nervous, I guess because you weren’t sure whether I’d bark from excitement, fear, or both. I also think that perhaps you thought I was going to use my cage as a bathroom since you put something very weird around my private parts. I don’t hold it against you, but are you sure there wasn’t another way?

I am sorry for that time I worried you so much when I had the oatmeal bars with dark chocolate. I got very sick. I got bloated like a balloon, you were a complete wreck of nerves, and you took me urgently to that place where we’d go sometimes to be prodded, studied, and observed, or where they’d give me something that made me sleep. I didn’t like that place very much, although they were always nice to me. I’m also sorry for all the times that I couldn’t help but escape through the back door to discover the world outside. To discover on my own, and without you looking over me, that which was hiding in the world outside our home. I know that you worried immensely when I disappeared like that, though I would always come back, especially when I heard my bag of food calling me. Cleverly done! Oh, the adventures!

I remember how you’d have a broken heart for some reason or other. I gathered that it had to do with the fact that the human with that specific smell stopped coming around. I never understood why some humans would stop coming around. I would’ve never left you… except for now that I have no other choice. I know you’ll forgive me.

Those times when your heart was broken, I’d come over and cuddle around your legs, or I’d lay on your lap and try to lick away the tears that were rolling down your cheeks. You would then hug me and I’d feel incredibly fortunate to have you by my side. Not knowing who’s going to look after you from now on makes my heartache.

You know the moment has come. After fifteen years together, my body can’t hold on anymore. Six months ago they discovered the reason why there was blood in my urine, or so I think since after that visit to that place that smells of many animals, you started giving me some pills with the food. They’d make me feel marginally better, but we both knew that that was just delaying the inevitable.

Since I know that death is not far behind, I try to be near you as much as possible. You greet me with tears in your eyes, fully aware of my need to have you near me. I do it not just for me, but also for you.

I know it will hurt, I know you will suffer and you might even promise yourself never to adopt another creature like me. But I know you are strong. I know you’ll heal and that you’ll remember all the adventures we lived together, and then your heart will be filled with love and light. I know you’ll want to repeat the experience with a new dog.

I will now rest my head over your lap… I’m extremely fatigued… I can’t keep my eyes open…

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