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I Am Good Dog, I Deserve All Treats and Accolades

Definitely not cat, though, okay?

By Lissa BayPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
This and all photos by the author

Hello, I am Willow, a very good dog. Best dog, really. Other dogs, not so much. I’ve sniffed them and I know. I am better dog than rest. I deserve to be EmPAWyee of month. Here is why:


Other dogs, they are loud. Dog next door? I hear him. Always “bork bork” this and “bork bork” that. Me, I am quiet dog. You have work to do? I will not disturb. Even when mail comes, or when someone knocks at the door, I will not hurt your ears with borking. I will only stand very close to you and look at you, eyes wide, until you do something about dangerous intruder at door.

*Note: Should knock at door turn out to be take-out lunch arriving, I accept payment for services rendered in form of fries.

Hard worker

While it’s true I sleep most of time while you talk to voices on computer, what you do not realize is, I do important jobs when sleeping. For instance, sometimes rabbit gets in house and do you know what? I chase and chase, and even use my usually silent voice to scare creature away, with my ferocious roo roo roo roo’s. Other times, I have seen you humans in danger while I sleep and I get very tough, growling and going hoof hoof so you come to no harm.

Yes, I bet you would not even be here to do your job if I did not work so hard while sleeping.

I Protec’ You

Yes, I am good guard dog. I make sure to pace around checking everywhere if I hear loud noise outside trying to hurt you. That is why fireworks do not hurt us, because I have inspected home to make sure they cannot get in. I will not let boom booms endanger you. You sit there at your computer like nothing happening. Such menace, very fright. Thank goodness you have me here to inspect premises.

Also, when I see scary little dogs on our walks, I pull us a different way. You do not realize because you are human, but although chihuahuas are smol, they are vicious. Full of bork and always mad. We should not trust them, yet you act like you wish to pet their heads. You will lose a finger that way, my naïve human friend. I am only reason you can still type your work reports.

I Better Than Dumb Cat

Cat is a fuzzy drunk. Does not help you at all, only passes out, exposing himself. Weighing down your lap, how can you work in such conditions? Always want to pounce and play, very bothersome. Not helpful, not like me.

Definitely don’t reward cat, you will only encourage him. Reward dog instead, I am good dog, not annoying you by begging to be petted always.

I like cat treats very much, can you please give to me now?

I’ve Had Rough Life

When you brought me home from SCPA, I skinny and I barely had any floof. DNA test says I wild dog from streets of Korea. Somehow I flew long long time in scary box to USA, then when I got to fresh air I RUN! Run run, am escape artist. Not spayed, not chipped, I free dog on streets of Philly. Couldn't find food or clean water to shlop shlop shlop. I starving and thirsty when someone scoop me up and put me in dog jail.

Now I live with you and I do my best to be good. You feed me and always keep water bowl filled, so I try to be helpful while you work from home. Thank goodness you are here and not off in office because I know from experience how sad sad sad it is when we are apart. I cry by door, where do you cry?

Look at My Face, I So Cute, Don’t You Want Me to Have Treats?

Main reason you should declare me EmPAWyee of month and give me treats? I cute. Look at me. You love me. Want to give me food. None of those vegan peanut butter banana treats, though, okay? I am beast, please give me freeze-dried duck hearts, show duck who is boss. Is symbolic, must eat heart of my enemies. Will settle for salmon treats as well, or anything meant for cat. Please give me all cat’s treats.

In conclusion, give me award. I deserve very much.

(P.S. Again, do not give to cat.)


About the Creator

Lissa Bay

Lissa is a writer and nanny who lives in Oakland, California. She enjoys books, books, playing Disney songs on ukulele for kiddos, books, and hanging out with her deeply world-weary dog, Willow. And, oh yeah, also—get this: books.

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