How To Teach Your Cat a Lesson
A Surefire Way to Get Your Revenge From the Feline Community
Cats! Or the definition of ‘pain in the arse’ are beings (if you are a cat owner, you can relate to that) that don’t exactly fit the definition of a pet in my opinion. Where there are dogs, or parrots always looking forward to you, loving your appreciation and attention given to them, on the contrary, cats enslave you.
With their charm and those cute eyes, they conveniently fool you into falling for them, and deep inside they laugh at you were driven by the pride of their charm.
BUT NO MORE, THE ENDLESS REIGN OF THIS FELINE CREATURE OVER HUMAN EMOTIONS IS OVER NOW!
I have devised the following surefire ways to satisfy the burning fire in your heart, and the plan to realize your vengeance against the disobedient cat which refuses to obey, to be pet, to be picked up and chews your charging cable (mine does) and wakes you up with the “meewish” voice of hers in the morning commanding you to feed her.
Common comrades! Let’s unite and use the following tactics to seek revenge:
1: Exploit her instincts
Cats, no matter how domesticated and swollen with fat they are, deep inside (genetically speaking) they retain these wild instincts to react to sudden movements and voices! You just must master the art of surprising her at the perfect movement to get the best revenge, and through practice and careful analysis, you’ll get there. And just as her attention is diverted, and she’s singing in her mind (I am convinced mine does), a clap, a pillow, or just fur ball is thrown her way would get the job done!
And Oh Boy! When you see her react and jump in surprise, you’ll know your revenge strategy is working.
2: Turn her into a clown
Cats are proud animals, haven’t you witnessed them licking themselves all over the body, that’s how much they care about their fur. I am greatly convinced that evolution has shifted their skillset from being agile hunters to freakishly attractive creatures that munch on the human soft spot for those cute eyes and cushy fur of theirs. So, here’s the plan! Dress her up in pajamas, and she’s a white cat! Make a santa out of her, you’ll visually see her disgruntled over it.
Pro tip: Make sure the insides are of soft fabric, that way you won’t spoil her hair coat.
3: Steal victory from her
Does your cat like playing? Like playing with lasers? Exploit her curiosity by never letting her win. Never let her catch that laser, that ping pong ball attached with a ball. Tire her, and irritate her endlessly 😊 that’s a sure way to get your revenge on her.
She’ll try to convince you by her sweet meows, don’t bulge (but you will as I often do, we the weak creatures often succumb to the overwhelming cuteness of cats.)
4: Crazy hug technique
So, cats love attention and love, but only on their own terms. Whenever things go a bit out of their hands and control, they get annoyed. While dogs can basically enjoy petting for hours, Cats! Not so much.
So, here’s how to do it, get her on the couch or sofa with you, and basically hug her with your arms like loving her. At this point, you can also consider singing for her as well to add a bit more to her ordeal. And after you leave her, for good ten minutes or so as she remembers what you did, you’ll see her wearing a frown. But after that, things will go back to normal with she is jumping on everything you have, pressing your keyboard buttons just for fun and so on.
5: Hit her foodie side
My cat wakes me up in the morning by literally suffocating me by leaning right onto my face. While the gesture, from a distance, seems lovely but for the one experiencing it on a daily basis, it’s nothing less than a lesson that I do not have privacy, even in my own bed. But here is the thing, she does it because she’s a foodie and she gets hungry early in the morning. So! Why not exploit this weakness? As I bring out her favorite crumbles, I get her excited. I can see it in her eyes, but then I give her the one crumble. And as she finishes it, I enjoy the expression on her face. But she kills me with her cuteness again, and I am forced to feed her properly.
This is to the love of cats, the creatures who amaze us with their beauty, quirkiness and above all their exceptional ability to win the hearts of people. For those who, like me, just cannot imagine a life without their cats!
Originally Published on Medium By Author