Funny Face

It was a pretty ordinary start to the day, I got up as usual around 4 a.m, got my shower, got dressed and ready for work, grabbed coffee to go, walked over and opened the door to leave and as I always do, I turned and grabbed the knob to the front door, closed and locked it. As I started turning to go to my car, I had to literally jump over a brown paper box sitting about two feet away from the door, I then clumsily toppled down the 4 steps onto the lawn and caught myself, but landed on my hands and knees! As the pain set in, out of my mouth came "OWWWW, DAMMIT" very loudly, as I paused to collect myself, then I rolled around and sat down on my tucas and stared for a minute at the box that just caused me to do the flying swan onto my front lawn. It was the size of a large shoe box that was neatly wrapped with plain brown paper. I decided to get to my feet, and investigate said box. I picked it up thinking "did I order something I forgot about"? I noticed it wasn't really heavy and upon picking it up, I immediately felt something moving inside, I freaked out a little and almost dropped it, but decided to quickly put it back down. As I stared at it, I heard a tiny scratching sound coming from the brown paper box, it was the sound of something small and alive, but what could it be? All I could think was "God, please not a rat, I am not fond of them".

I started thinking "Is this a practical joke from Rita"? I decided to pick up the box once more (since I was now fairly sure whatever was in there could not scratch, claw or bite it's way out or it would have by now), and go back into the house and find out, so I unlocked the door and headed to the kitchen, grabbed the scissors hanging on the wall, and carefully began to cut the paper off the box. I noticed as I was cutting the plain brown wrapping that whomever left the package had poked several small holes in each side for air, I got the paper off and noticed that the person or persons who left the box had securely taped down the lid as well. It was a shoebox(size 13), but I could not see the brand, because in large permanent marker someone had written "FF" on the lid and colored over the name brand on all sides. I assumed that whatever was in the box wasn't supposed to be able to push the lid off. This could mean one of two things, either they didn't want the "being" in the box to get hurt...or maybe they didn't want me to? I felt like this box was wrapped with loving care simply because of how neat and clean the brown paper wrapping was. I started asking myself lots of questions like, What could possibly be in there? why did they leave it on my porch when there are 25+ houses on this block? I assumed the person knew me, or knew of me somehow, Is it a gift? Is it poisonous? Does the person know me and like me, or did they mean me harm? it could be as simple and sweet as a tiny turtle, or it could be as terrrifying and dangerous as a cobra. Who left it? How do they know me? did they leave it on the wrong porch by mistake? Are they watching me now to see what I will do? I then paused and looked around to see if there was anyone watching, I studied all the cars and windows in the closest houses for signs of life, but there was nobody around. The questions just kept circling around in my head, and within minutes I had literally worked myself into a frienzy until I was almost frozen with fear! I knew at that moment that I was getting to much in my head, so I took a few deep breathes to slowly calm myself down and bring back some semblance of rational thinking. I suddenly realized at that moment that I should probably call Rita and tell her I was going to be a tiny bit late.

I called Rita to ask if she was ok without me for a few and she informed me that she would be fine getting the pastries done alone, but if I could, to please be there by opening time. We opened the store at 7 a.m. so I knew that I would need to be there by then because usually the line starts forming at around 6:30 and the store tends to get crazy busy from 7 a.m. to around 9 a.m. During morning rush, there is just the two of us running the place. That is why we decided to finally hire another person to help out because we were steadily picking up a reputation that had gone as far as Kingstown from where we lived in Gostovia, which excited us to our core! People would actually drive in traffic for two or more hours to get our amazing pastries, we usually arrive at 4:30 a.m and get the machines up and running, to be able to open at 7 a.m. We would have to load all the ingredients into the machine for each different pastry, but the machine was programmed to crank out 15 different kinds of muffins, puff pastries, and cakes, just put in all the ingredients and turn it on(it could also be programmed to make specialized recipes). It could whip out 95 pastries in 30 minutes, so we would get a nice head start, it took 4 years to save enough money to buy it, but we finally did. Let me give you some backstory on how Ritalia, (Rita for short) and I met. You see we both happen to be pastry chefs, and our love of such delighful little tasty dreams is what brought us together. We first met the mall (We both had concession stands) where we were competing for sales of our pastries. I would send people to buy hers and she would do the same so we could try to compare and guess what was in each others recipes. I had sold all of mine for the day and decided to walk over to her stand where she still had a few pasteries and muffins for sale, I saw one named "Rita's Orange Crush Muffins" which just looked delicous! I asked if it's ingredients were a secret, she said "not really, and by the way your creations are such delicous delights, that I think you would be able to distinctly taste each of the ingredients in my muffins, like I did with your Apple Pear Tort, which i realized quickly, is a simple custard, but has a secret ingredient that sets it apart right"? I said "actually you would be right'! she then said "Bet I can know what it is"! and I replied Oh? so, you think you know what it is huh"? she replied "yep", I asked her to tell me and she said "lets pack up our spaces and go have coffee and more pastries at Chevalia's and chat". I agreed since Chevalia's French Pastry Shop was the best place in town to get a decent pastry. We sat there for what seemed an eternity talking of our love for great pastries and where we have tasted the best. We learned that we had both gone to literally the ends of the earth in search of amazing pastries! Our friendship blossomed from there and here we are five years later owning our own Pastry shop lovingly named " Tarts and Teas - Home of the Berry Dream Fingerlings" which we are extremely proud of. We worked very hard developing some of the specailized pastries we sell, making mistake after tasty mistake, until they were perfect! We spent hours in each others kitchens crafting and developing amazing pastries like our signature"Berry Dream Fingerlings" which are finger shaped pastries with a custard filling and either blueberries, strawberries, or lingonberries and they are dusted with a light sprinkle of powdered sugar, perfect for a quick bite on the go. We also have "Rita's Orange Crush muffins" which were crafted with a special blend of blood oranges, rasberries, and cranberries, as well as my own specail addition "Anna's Apple Pear Torts" which I spend most weekends baking 30+ racks of these amazing little torts in a special oven at my house, then they are put into small tins and kept cold until I transport them to the shop, but as you can imagine, they fly off the shelves daily, so we have had to ramp up production over the last 3 years or so. Rita's mother used to make the muffins for special occasions like birthdays and and they were better than any cake I have ever had. My Apple Pear torts came from an actual recipe which I tweaked with a secret ingredient and they became an instant hit. We also specialized in coffees and teas blended specifically for our shop by our favorite South American growers. We even brokered a deal for our own blend of coffee and tea. They arrived with such names as "Anna's Artesian Blend Coffee" and "Rita's Relaxing Herbal Tea". Ok, back to the brown paper box. While I was on the phone with Rita I asked her if she had sent anything or had she been expecting a package that she had delivered to my house, and may have forgotten to mention? She replied "no, why"? I told her about the box sitting in front of me and that whatever was in it was alive. She immediately started squealing "oh my god, are there air holes so the poor little whatever it is can breathe"? I giggled and quickly informed her that someone loved the creature in the box because of how carefully it was wrapped.

I told Rita I would be there soon and hung up. I decided that it was time to find out what suprise awaited me inside the box. I got a kitchen knife and cut the tape around the edges and standing at a distance with a wooden back scratcher, I quickly popped the lid off. The tiny creature wasn't moving or trying to climb out and all I could think was "Oh my god, did I kill the poor little thing waiting to long to open the box"? Then suddenly I see what appears to be a tail waving around, and then a little head slowly popped up out of the box, but it was facing the other way so all I could see was two tiny ears and the back of a very fuzzy head. I stood back waiting for this little creature to turn around, but it just sat there in the box looking toward the living room window and it seemed to be either waking up or dazed and confused as it sat there bobbing around. I decided to slowly walk around to get a clearer look because the anticipation was killing me! At this point I was fraught with pure adrenalin and a little excitement, but I was clearly not expecting what my eyes saw. As I came around the counter, I saw ears, a very bright pair of blue eyes, but the rest of it's face startled me and I gasped! It would seem that this poor little thing had been born disfigured. It's face from the nose down was very distorted and it almost looked like the entire jaw on one side was undeveloped. There was just a gaping hole which caused it's tongue to hang out of it's mouth on the left, I went from horrified at the sight of it, to a broken heart in an instant. I walked up to this poor little creature and discovered it was in fact a kitten. I couldn't contain my pain and anguish at the sight of it. I began to cry as I picked this poor little kitten up and pressed it against my chest, I told this baby that I would take care of it and not to worry, all would be ok from here on!

I called Rita and told her what happened and she told me to take the cat and get it looked at to make sure it was ok, so I did and I also learned he was a boy! So, right then I named him "Funny Face". The vet told me that the jaw bone just didn't grow while he was in the womb, but that he should be able to eat fine on the other side and that I should feed him soft foods only since he might not be able to breakdown the kibble. Rita and I had a great time shopping for all of his needs, food, toys, and a really awesome cattree. She loved him as much as I did, she taught him little tricks and somewhere along the line, she and I discovered a very deep love for one another that neither of us could deny, so we decided to get married and the three of us became an amazing family. Funny Face grew into a 11 1/2 lb Siamese. He lived to be 9 years old and passed away due to other complications, but he was our baby and we spoiled him right to the end.

I never did find out who left him, but someone knew he would be well loved, and he certainly was.

This story was completely fiction...hope you enjoyed it.