Da day I eated da seaweed

Oh hai, I am Alfie, but my pawrents forget all da time and call me other names like Socks Dog, Flalfington, Buddy Bud, and NO! I'm going to tell you a 'mazing story about da beach but first I'll tell you a bit about ME.

Appawrently I am a "beagle-cross" but I don't know why coz I am not cross, I am happy all da time.

I am six in March which means in dog years I am nearly 42. It's not fair coz dat makes me da oldest in our house so I should be in charge but I'm not even allowed unlimited treats or 100 walks a day. If I was in charge, dis would be our daily schedule*:

ONE ) 8:00 Wake up. Snuggle in bed for many hours coz I was allowed in da bed all night coz I'm in charge.

B) 10:03 FOOD. But not my food, maybe some apples or crisps or peanut butter or chimken. I am not fussy. Breakfast takes a long long long time coz we eat soooooo many tasty fings coz I'm in charge.

iii) 9:123 Nap. I am very laidback so I don't mind if we get comfy on da sofa or back in bed, as long as we are all squashed into a big pile.

TWELVE) 7:30 OUTSIDE. Running and playing and rolling and sniffing and eating dropped food which is allowed coz I am in charge. My pawrents can bring a ball and I will definitely catch it for dem when day frow it. Must keep da hoomans entertained.

Repeat steps B to TWELVE for da rest of da day until bedtime.

* Timings may vary coz I am a dog and I cannot tell da time.

Oh no, I got distracted! I did inform Hoomum dat it wasn't a good idea to let me tell da story about da beach coz I am in da middle of protecting our house by looking out da window, but she was too busy playing on her internet rectangle and sweeping potential snacks on da kitchen floor into da bin. So imconsiderate.

Anyhoo, I'm here to tell da story of when we went to DA BEACH.

Now, da first fing you need to know about da beach is dat it has DANGER WATER. It's big water dat tries to jump on you when you get too close. Hoomum says it's called da See. I am assuming dis is coz it is ALL YOU CAN SEE FOR MILES AND MILES AT DA BEACH.

I like paddling but I don't like swimming and when you get near da danger water, it rises up and shouts SURPRISE and tries to get you wet. I do NOT like da See. Hoodad actually goed in da danger water for swims and keeped trying to get me to go in too, but every time I was feeling brave da danger water creepeded towards me and tried to wash me away. NO FANK YOU.

HOWEVER, da second fing you need to know about da beach (and dis is a good fing) is dat it's ENORMOUS and HAS LOTS OF SMELLS. Seriously, you should try sniffing all da rocks and sand and stuff.

It does NOT smell like da park OMG DA PARK I FORGOT ABOUT DA PARK ARE WE GOING TO DA PARK?

Hoomum says we can't go until I has fimished da story. Hmph. Maybe if I look at her like dis she will say we can go.

She said not yet. Dis is a bomination.

Anyway, I got to sniff lots of fings like pebbles and shells and I FINK I even seed a crab but da See was a bit close so I sniffed other fings instead.

Dat was when I finded da SEAWEED. It smelled AMAZING. It was all salty and smoov and long and windy (wyndy? whyndy? Not da best at spellings). I sniffed it for ages and den guess what I did? I eated some. And it was YUMMY. Hoodad keeped pulling me away so I didn't eat too much but I kept finding it and sometimes you has to SNAFFLE da tasties in case your pawrents say no.

It was delicious BUT it was a bad idea. Normally I has da BEST ideas like playing wif da tennis ball or shouting at balloons, but I has to admit, dis was not so good.

I was okay on da way home. I spent most of da car ride like dis because I LOVE riding in da car.

(I already checked if we could go for a ride in da car. Hoomum said, "FINISH THE STORY ALFIE OTHERWISE YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT LONGER TO GO OUTSIDE". It's like she's never even heard of having a break. Note to self - call da Beagle Welfare hoomans and discuss my worker rights.)

But when we got home, my tummy felt funny. It was hurty and ouchy and I feeled a bit sick. Den I WAS sick. But it wasn't normal sick like when I has eated biscuit crumbs or anyfing else I've discovered outside. It was weird.

Hoomum was a bit worried so she checked on her internet rectangle and it turns out dat dried up seaweed is NOT good for doggy tummies. It's actually VERY VERY VERY BAD. All da waters and juices in da tummy make da seaweed EXPAND. You would fink dis would be EXCELLENT coz it's like having EVEN MORE FOOD IN YOUR TUMMY, but actually it can cause a Blockage. Hoodad finked I might be okay coz I didn't eat much but I eated a lot more dan he seed. It was TASTY!

So we had to go to da mergency vet.

Can I tell you a secret? Normally I LIKE going to da vet. I get lots of fuss and cuddles and I am always told I am a good boy and I get tasty treats. Dis time was not as good. We had to wait in da office for AGES. Maybe even DAYS. Hoomum said it was a few hours but I fink she was trying to downplay my MORTAL PERIL.

DIS is how I sad I was.

(Aldough dis picture is actually from a different day when I stole Hoomum's chair coz she was too busy worrying about me to take pictures at da vet's but I fink it accurately portrays my sadness.)

You'll never guess what? I got to has a SLEEPOVER at da vet's! Okay so day had to give me some medicines and stuffs but den I got to sleep and got lots of cuddles and fusses. Appawrently I was a bit loud but I fink I was good as gold. Yes I howled but don't day WANT protection!?!? Day made sure I didn't has seaweed in my TESTINES. I'm not sure what testines are but I know what day are NOT and day are NOT a place for seaweed.

Da next day, my pawrents came back and I was SO HAPPY to see dem! Day gave me soooo many cuddles coz day had been worried about me all night long. Hoodad said he had to give da vet lots of money from his money card coz I was so poorly, and den Hoomum went on about "insurance claims" and "unreasonable excess charges" and "jumping through hoops to get our money back". It was all a bit boring, so I had a nap in da car on da way home. Den I had ANOTHER nap on da sofa coz all dis driving made me so sleepy. Plus da beach visit AND da vet visit was all a bit too big an adventure for being awake.

Dis might seem a weird story to share coz da memories are a bit up and down, but until I was sick it was a GREAT day and I had LOTS of fun at da beach when I wasn't near da danger water. Hoomum said dat even dough she was worried when I was at da vet's, she always laughs when she finks about our day at da beach coz I was really funny near da See. I don't really understand what's funny about ALMOST BEING WASHED ALL DA WAY TO DA HIMLAYAS but whatever (dat is where da See goes I fink. I don't know, my pawrents was watching TV and I heard someone say da Himlayas and it sounded like da kind of place to have a beach) .

We haven't been to da beach since den but Hoomum said we can go to a sandy one instead. I have mixed feelings about dis coz da smells won't be as AMAZING but I have been to a sandy beach before and it was still fun.

So dat is da story of our eventful trip to da beach! Finally I have fimished and now we can go to da PARK! Have a pawsome day and remember, DON'T EAT DA DRY SEAWEED.

BYE!