Coping with Cat & Dog Sibling Rivalry

As parents of human children, dogs, cats, or any type of animal, we want our babies to get along. We dream of them becoming best friends and are filled with joy when we see them playing together happily. My human kids went through various phases of loving and hating each other, leading to times of peace and chaos. I hadn’t considered that these phases would also occur with our pets. I was so naive!

My wife and I live with two cats, one dog, and my two teenagers who occasionally spend evenings and weekends with us. We have two cats because when we went to adopt one kitten from my wife’s brother, who had taken in a pregnant stray, each of us was chosen by a different too-cute-to-leave-behind ball of fluff.

The dog, Kola, was adopted as a puppy from a rescue shelter shortly after the kittens joined us. We thought they would all grow up together being great friends. It worked out for a few years. They rubbed up against each other, gently sniffed one another, and sat calmly as I distributed bits of food to each of them. Then things changed.

We suspect it had something to do with another dog we had to take in for a time, but that’s another story. The fact is, our dog’s prey drive kicked in, meaning that every time the cats started picking on each other, as brothers sometimes do, the dog wanted to get involved. Specifically, she wanted to chase the cats and break up the fight.

We’ve found ways of managing the behavior that keeps the cats safe — mostly keeping her on a leash and positive reinforcement whenever the cats are near. We’ve pondered the cause, and studied the behavior. The dog is mainly interested in chasing one of the cats, Max — my cat, the one who chose me. I wondered if it could be an issue of jealousy, as both Max and Kola feel I am their person. I was feeling bad for Max until I started examining his actions more closely. He is not an innocent bystander.

Here’s an example. A few nights ago, Max was curled up with me on my (and by “my” I mean “his”) favorite blanket. The dog had already been put to bed in her crate nearby. She was loudly snoring away when Max jumped down. He got within a few feet of the crate and just stared at the dog. She continued to snore. He stared some more. She snored some more. He then hissed loudly, waking up the dog and causing chaos. He ran away while I made Kola settle down.

It seemed to me at that moment that Max had purposely awakened the dog and gotten her into trouble. Echoes of my kids loudly proclaiming “she/he started it” played in my mind.

There are probably those that would say Max is simply reacting out of fear, and that could be true. My sense though is that there is more to it. The more carefully we study Max’s behavior, the more we see him doing similar things to our other cat, Jasper. He even occasionally hisses at me if I move more than he would like while he is sleeping on me.

Maybe he is turning into a cranky old man. My wife has noticed that his hiss sounds suspiciously like my heavy sigh of annoyance. Could he be mimicking me and the sound is just an expression of exasperation or disgust? I found an article in Science Magazine that indicates there is some evidence that such a thing is possible. The article speaks more to mimicking physical actions than sounds, but it doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch to me to consider it a possibility.

Our other cat, Jasper, is also not completely innocent when it comes to uncivilized actions. We’ve noticed that as the two feline brothers have gotten older, they compete for dominance more and more frequently. While they will still often groom and sleep with each other, they will also do the mount and bite thing. (Yes, both boys have been neutered.) Jasper is the instigator at least as frequently as Max. They also apparently often feel the need to pull each other’s hair out, especially just after the carpets have been vacuumed. We rarely see it happening, but the evidence is clear.

These dominance games are sometimes accompanied by the cries that get the dog going. They squeal, she barks and runs to get involved. Not exactly the peaceful co-existence, much less the friendship, we had envisioned.

Sometimes, all is quiet for days or even weeks at a time, then there will be a streak where chaos reigns supreme multiple times a day for days in a row. Is it something in the air? Springtime? Pheremones? The smell of dead mouse from under the house? A sense of calm too peaceful to leave alone?

We may never know. A good dog trainer could probably help us find solutions to getting Kola more under control. For the cats, we have tried Feliway diffusers with some luck. I’ve considered contacting an animal communicator, similar to the one I wrote of in the Medium article Animal Communication — Fact or Fantasy? I am interested to see what Max, Jasper, and Kola have to say about their living situation.

In the past, after speaking with an animal communicator about various things going on in our household (many years ago — totally different animals), it ended up that one of the behaviors I was most concerned about, one cat picking on another, was a non-issue for the cats. Neither of them saw it as a big deal, and after talking about it with the animal communicator, the behavior decreased dramatically. So, I have learned it is good to try to get the perspective of those involved.

Until then, like all other families, human and otherwise, we will live with each other’s quirks, enjoying the good times, tolerating the not-so-good ones, and loving each other through it all.

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