Coney-Bear-Dog

Coney-Bear-Dog, neither muppet nor man, The best friend that I've known, down to hatch any plan. Whether out on the lawn, or snug in my lap, He taught many lessons, but one large one, perhaps.

There are no guarantees, so live hard on this day. What's more valid than endorphins from cuddles and play? The answer is nothing, as sure as his chow; My puppy taught me to enjoy things right now.

See, I did the math promptly, the day we first met, Not thinking so much of which dog I should get. And not knowing the love that his cuddles would bring, But setting expectations on one simple thing.

"It's forever," I thought. "Well, at least a good stretch. At worse, a full decade to stroll and play fetch." Yes, at least a full decade, and probably much more. If I believed any different, I'd have skipped the uproar.

Guarantees, (yes, I realize) they rarely hold true, But a dog for a decade seemed likely to ensue. I did every equation, to plan what might be; Every option showed a life with my doggy and me.

Till my 40s at least, time to figure things out, Maybe boost my career or at least find my spouse. So when he was taken, after such a short stay, It left quite a mark; a permanent fray.

I was broken, and empty, my soul had turned blank, There were holes where the joy had been, no gas in my tank. I remembered our times, I could feel his paws press, My heart and apartment were a chaotic mess.

No love I was sent could get through for a while, Till eventually met by a magical child. No, she wasn't my own, not by blood with no parting, But five weeks after Coney, my nanny job was starting.

They were sometimes a "distraction" and yes I made cash But the amazing thing that happened was the love that they matched. Two children, I loved- and not that I had a fave But a best bud emerged; Coco was her name.

As spunky as Coney, slightly more potty-trained, She was three at that time, she loved giggling and games. It was rough those first months, she was wild and unwound, With a voice so high pitched, a remarkable sound.

I thought of my dog often, still in that first quarter, Time with Coco was precious, I surely adored her. But my heart wasn't present, it was there in the sky, Lamenting my sweet furchild, how he'd suddenly died.

But dogs teach us of love without limits and scales, From the glint in their eyes to the wag in their tails. They don't dwell in the future or look back on the past, They're not bitter you didn't get home super fast.

Dogs are steadfast and true, boldly loyal and fluffed, Not the fur on their body, but their souls that are stuffed, With something more lasting than we comprehend here; A permanence most humans hold in quite heavy fear.

We're not in the moment we like to make plans. All the places I'd take him, his life in his hands; Though we'd just gotten started and had places to go, That was never the plan... owners don't always know.

We don't know things are ending, sometimes that's how it goes, With a sudden disease sparked from who even knows. Was that always the lesson and always the way, That his time would be short here, less than 1000 days?

I don't know. But I trust that he's sleeping on clouds, running cross every rainbow, happily barking out loud. And loved as he loved me, with joy unrestricted, unconditional, boundless, watercolor depicted.

The colors all blending, the canvas pure art, It was short, but somehow he completed his part. And I havent found love and I barely meet ends, But my heart's better than ever with love for my friends.

So when Coco calmed down and made it past three, Coney lived in the clouds, so best friends we would be. And in very odd style, she greeted me that way, My coneybear had, begging me to stay...

When I howed up each AM she banged on the glass, Walked me right to my car when the noon time had passed. We were pure BFFs, besties right through and through, Til 3 years had passed and she left just like you.

Is this all there is, Coney? Am I losing again? Her parents divorced and moved and I'd lose my friend. I fought with my emotions, a job I could recover, but lose my little BFF... with how much I love her?

It's love with no conditions, proven solid with time, In stories, and baking, in batches of slime, In L-O-L dolls, dances in sequined-clothes, And her acting out lines memorized from her shows.

Last time I'd done math and it wound up in vain, When you love someone do you always just end up in pain? And does nothing just last with a craftsmanship vibe? Where's that steady love to keep me safe til I find my own tribe?

But after goodbyes and tears and all of that, A month later we did our first video chat. I missed her no less, but she missed me as much, We would do our best to keep staying in touch.

But as my Coneybear taught me, dont measure in time. Keep track of the love, dont keep track of the climb. There is no destination, you'll never "arrive: So stop living so simple, just trying to survive.

You are lovable, cuddle-able, Coney has proved, and Coco retold that, the way she loved you. And the future, I'm hopeful for something more steady, but these shorter-term loves is what's made me most ready.