Boss Cat

Big Baby Girl: AKA Big Boss Lady

By: Madison Ann Hawkins

"Show me the baby!" is a common phrase people use when greeting a loved one who just delivered a fun-sized human being. The excitement, the giddiness, the proud tender moments usually captured on film when displaying their little bundle of joy. There is this sense of pride when you become parents, no matter how you came to be. Doesn't really matter in the end, does it? If they are yours, you love them, and do what you can to provide them the best life and opportunities to succeed. I may not want kids, but I understand; honestly, I understand the hype of showing off your love-child however they came to be in your arms. Why? In 2019 my partner and I adopted a kitten. The most beautiful, full set of hair, chunky cheeked, adventurous, and cutest green-eyed baby girl you ever did see. Have I lost you? Did I just compare having a kid to a pet kitten? Have I completely lost my mind? All the above questions could be answered with a solid yes. The last question especially, after these past two years, I think we all might be a little messed up in the noggin. During the pandemic, I was "promoted" to a stay-at-home cat mom as an occupation title. At least that's what her dad and I like to say because it has a more uplifting tone than "I became unexpectedly unemployed." I will explain this situation more in-depth below, so please, stay with me here.

Before you think I'm a crazy cat lady, I must confirm that I am. Still, I also understand that a human being is entirely different than having a fur baby. However, it's important to note that my first moments with her did include the excitement, giddiness, and proud tender moments captured on film. I never thought I'd witness my big hunky Canadian man on the floor clapping with me as she used her litter box for the first time. I also never thought that this couch potato would fill me with comfort and pause for a split second, anything troublesome going on around me. So yes, she may not be my child, although my partner and I refer to her as such, but we adore her and the goofy quirks of our snuggle bug since the moment she sat in our lap coming home from the shelter. After a lovely volunteer explained why one kitten was separated from the rest during feeding time, I picked her from the bunch. You see, my big baby girl would eat her pen mate's food, all four bowls. So, they separated her during feeding time for portion control. I fell in love. This food-hogging, extremely fuzzy, big girl, stole my heart, and the obsession began.

To this day, she does her feeding dance for breakfast and dinner. It consists of 3 twirls, a tail high in the air, a jingle of high-pitched meows, and some full-body rubs to my calves as I fill her bowl. She would cry out from under the door when we left for work or school. It was heartbreaking. I remember wondering if we both had developed separation anxiety. I always fed her right before I left. Why? So she would be distracted, and so I wouldn't be haunted by that perfectly shaped circle head and flaring whiskers in the window. Then, boom, the pandemic hit. The bloody world shut down in what felt like an instant. All I can tell you is that this clingy, attention-seeking, lover girl has never been happier. The day I was promoted to stay-at-home cat mom was her favourite day. It was a change that ended up working out for both of us at first. Gtmiuyrtgfrdew. Oh, sorry about that. She's still working on typing words when stepping on the keyboard. Will get there. Back to the original program, oh yes, working and attending my final year of college from home was going quite well.

I have a lap buddy, an encourager, and a master mouser at my disposal for help if needed. This was great for the first part of the pandemic during the end of 2019 and most of the year in 2020. She did what i'm sure most your pets accomplished. She introduced herself in many of my online lectures, became background music to my work zoom meetings, and her purrs were muted while laying on my lap the day I found out I was laid off due to the pandemic in a group call. When the pandemic hit, I was in the process of immigrating to Canada through my partner, sponsoring me, so we could continue our life here in Alberta after my degree was completed. This is where the pandemic made things hard, and then it had a domino effect and touched every part of my life in a very negative fashion.

My current application for my work permit and permanent residency has been in processing for longer than I imagined or prepared for. I have been unable to work since November 30, of the year 2020, during a pandemic. My partner picked up another job while we waited out the delays in immigration caused by the state of the world. While I'm grateful I get to wait in the comfort of this beautiful and safe country, our savings have been drained. I don't have access to healthcare/ covid relief programs on implied status unless you are willing to pay the out-of-pocket price. So our brains are constantly in a state of worry. There is still the lingering reality that I could be denied. Our whole worlds will be flipped upside down, more so than the pandemic has already done for many. After sacrificing everything for this hope of our application being approved, thinking of having to leave my family is earth shattering. Due to the pandemic, I've waited longer for an answer than most. Not knowing is exhausting and never-ending. Those in charge of immigration are doing everything they can. Yet, they told us due to the pandemic delays, it could take a very long time for us to even get an update. It's easy to become depressed in a state of never-ending what-if scenarios. I know I did.

I found myself crying on the bathroom floor, feeling a sense of sadness not being able to contribute toward my success or my partners. I could not work once my student/ work permit expired in November 2020. My visa for Permanent Residency was left in what still seems like a forever pending state. I've had to adapt and find ways to make purpose out of my life without pursuing my career. Being dependent on someone else's salary as a very independent individual has been the most challenging transition. Through many sleepless, depressed, and lonely nights, Saké, our cat, was there. She picked up the pieces with every nose kiss, sitting on the floor with me as I sobbed. She was a part of every facetime call home to my family that I could no longer visit or see when I needed them most.

Our angel baby was there for both my partner and I's grandmas passing away, without the ability to have a funeral or closure. She was there when our final goodbyes were from a screen and not hand in hand. She was my only state of constant comfort through working and school from home, to graduating, to not being allowed to work or have access to basic health needs. She was something that couldn't' be taken from me, in a time where I felt my career, life in Canada, and family in the United States were out of my reach and control. My partner is the strongest man I've ever met. He is taking these challenges caused by my immigration process with grace and compassion. He works from Monday- Saturday to support us while we wait. Saké knows the sound of his car beep when locked. If you ever want a chuckle, watching a big, happy, and a little larger than average cat running full speed in your direction is up there in the best mood-lifting sights you could see. Even in total exhaustion, my partner greets her with a second wind of energy. One time, we just laid in bed late at night. It was quiet. Even living downtown in a major city, you could barely hear any traffic noise. Most people opt out of public engagement now, restaurants were operating with pickup or delivery only. All you could hear was Saké on her window bed. Next to ours, she sat purring loud, content that the three of us were together after another long day of surviving.

Sundays are the only full day we have altogether now, and it's a day we cherish most. We take her on walks, she gets to see the birds, she rides on our shoulders when tired or in her travel pack. We want her to be able to be a cat. Just like parents with their kids, we try to give her the best life possible, because as weird as it sounds, she's helped keep our sanity week after week when I thought I had nothing left to give in terms of my mental state. We adopted her only two years ago when everything was going perfectly for us. In a blink of an eye, everything was being taken from us. Except, we still had each other. Our little family of three. While she may not be my "child," she sure is my companion. While we laugh at my new title of stay-at-home cat mom, it's the only thing that keeps me going. She is a mood lifter for my soulmate, who is working harder than anyone I've ever known to keep our dream of living in this beautiful place a reality. The place he was born and loves.

So, EmPAWyee of the Month, yes. Saké deserves EmPAWyee of the month. I personally would like to nominate her as EmPAWyee of the last two years because she deserves it. My lifeline, therapist, confidant, could you ask for anything better from a lazy lap monster? She has far surpassed the job description of what a cat should offer. Other than my main homie, her dad, I can't think of someone that has helped me more during such a high anxiety time of my life. She started as a tiny speckle of fuzz and is now a full-blown hairball that has galloped her way into every part of our most intimate moments.

When I look back at these challenging times, I remember her. Finding some goofy way to stop us from crying, stressing over finals, or the state of the world. Whether it be sleeping on her dad's face, grooming his beard while he's passed out on the couch, or with her mom, who just watched another job opportunity slip through her fingers after she no longer could work due to legal reasons, or sitting in the window patiently for us to come home, just to offer a friendly paw slap to the face to wake us up and remind us of who is boss. Saké is family and everything in between. I don't care how crazy that may sound to you, knowing she's a four-legged feline. Hi, my name is Madison. I'm a crazy cat lady, and please, enjoy these photos of my daughter/boss. My big baby girl, who has become the ying to my yang, she is the only job I have remaining as of now as I wait on my status.

Throughout this little inside scoop of my life and employment as a stay-at-home cat mom, I hope if you are struggling with the effects of the pandemic, know you are not alone. On days, weeks, or years that it's hard to find the light in a situation, do as Saké does. Dance in the living room, put your hands high in the air and do 3 twirls, sing your favourite jingle while you wait for your food, and give a big hug to someone you love. Even with no job, my furry assistant reminded me of simple necessities in life worth celebrating. Fall back in love with real moments of ups and downs in life that shape you. Not just the picture-perfect kind. The best type of employees, are the ones that make you look forward to each day, just knowing they will be a part of it.