So there I was looking at him shaking underneath a table, watching me as a 14 year old girl excited about finally being able to have a puppy. His sisters and brothers running towards me witht their tails that had no halt. I could have easily went with one of them by my research findings- "Choose the dog that is very social. That's the way in which to find the right dog for you." My logic, but if everyone is going to choose the dog that runs to them, who is going to choose him if he is shying away. So underneath a coffee table I stretched my hands and picked up the black and white panda patterned Shih-Tzu I had fallen for. Did I make the right decision? I did. Absolutely.
Bindye became my best friend of all time and one of my soul mates. Bullied in school living in an toxic household, it was unbearable at times, but Bindye was always there for me. He sat beside me when I cried. He licked my face when I needed cheering up. He kept me company by curling up on my back as I laid on the floor drawing. He amused me by sleeping in my tracksuit pants as I laid thinking about the world and what I'd like to accomplish. He gave me peace of mind when I'd come home from school and I was afraid if someone had broken in and was upstairs, so I'd beg him to go up there and he would. Sometimes just going half-way up the stairs and starting his journey back down and then after begging him he'd give in and go back and do the full scouting.
I think to myself of all the trips he'd take with us, where half his body hung outside the car window, enjoying the breeze as if he was superman, enjoying the freedom of flying. His patience of having me cut him and dress him up and supporting all my efforts by strutting his stuff like a top model.
He saved me, on many occassions. When I felt life wasnt worth living, the thought of no one caring for him as I would, was enough to make me keep my writsts safe from harm. Eventually in me aspiring to fullfill my dreams as a fashion designer, I migrated and left my baby down in Jamaica. Unrealistically I planned for him to come to live with me within two years. I was only able to visit him once and during that time I could tell he was nervous to trust me like he did once before because he was scared he'd lose me again. He was right. I had to return. Then I couldn't visit him ever again. I could only see him in pictures every few years.
Not many people knew how much that killed me inside. Literally. To this day I can't forgive myself for leaving him behind. No dream was ever worth giving up one second with him much less a decade. If I could, I would go back and leave the chance of a life in America behind me.
One year as I celebrated my birthday on my own, I received a call that he passed. He died on my birthday and I know he did it because he was giving me everything he had left to give. He knew my spiritual energy was low and he wanted to give me what I needed to keep fighting.
No one could ever nor will ever understand the love I have for him and he had for me. Most people still compartmentalize his and I's relationship to a human loving a dog/animal/pet. They'll never get that he has a piece of my heart that no one has access to and I'm pretty sure no one ever will.
I think in life we get soul mates that come in all forms. He was one of mine. It's my hope I was one of his.
I LOVE YOU BINDYE.
About the Creator
Karimah Peart
I've always had difficulty in being raw and vulnerable but fine and literary art allows me the ability to do so and the process gives me joy. I hope that my art inspires you to do the same and if it does, you try to inspire others as well.
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