Bam! My Pet Rhino.

Before I tell you about Bam!, my pet rhino, let me first give you these two disclaimers: 1) Would I lie to you? Of course I would lie to you! I'm a fiction writer and, by definition, that's what fiction writers do. 2) I don't really like these pet challenges since I no longer have any pets. I think it's unfair. It's like having a challenge 'Tell us why you love your Chevy". Well, if you don't have a Chevy I guess you're just shit out of luck. Am I right? Of course I am.

Bam! followed me home one night, well, it was really very early morning after a hard night of drinking and partying near the zoo. At first I thought he was just a big ugly dog. Slowly I realized he wasn't a dog, as he just kept following me. I began to wonder if he was even there at all since I was fairly messed up on intoxicants. After-all, the old song is about elephants following you, not cute little baby rhinos.

I eventually made it home and left the door open just in case my delusional rhino was actually real. Sure enough, when I awoke in the middle of the kitchen floor a day or two later, Bam! was there curled up with me. That's it, I'm keeping him!

I saw on the news, later, that the local zoo had lost one of their rhinos. I had no idea rhino's were so popular as pets. I got one too, I thought, and would be heart-broken without him. I sure hope they find theirs soon. Poor little thing.

Bam! has been a big hit down at the dog park. All the girls seem to like him and not even the biggest dogs mess with him. I will tell you this, though, if you are going to have a pet rhino you'd better invest in the big industrial-sized pooper-scooper 'cause you're going to need it.

For this Vocal challenge, I was going to upload dozens of cute photos of Bam! dressed up for Halloween... Bam! as a ghost, Bam! as a witch, Bam! as a ballerina... but Bam! accidentally stepped on the camera and flattened it before I could.

It happens. Lots of things get crushed and flattened when you have a pet rhino. No, we won't talk about the neighbors mailbox or that little incident down at the car dealership. They're still pretty mad about that, I guess. You'll just have to trust me here, those Halloween photos were awesome! I'm sure Bam! and I would've won first-prize.

I've been in a bit of a panic knowing everyone will want to see photos, but I don't have any. Well, at least I didn't until those nice people from down at the zoo showed up. They were still looking for their lost baby rhino.

I just had to ask them, 'How on earth could you lose a baby rhino?' I would never let anything happen to my little Bam!. We talked and drank for a while and, with the police on the way, I reluctantly agreed to let the zoo people take Bam! for a visit to the zoo.

That's just the gracious, noble-hearted kind of guy I am. I knew there was a heart-broken mother rhino down there pining for her lost little rhino. If my Bam! could help console her for a few weeks until the zoo people found her baby, I'll be okay with it.

I must admit I'm a little lonely without Bam! bouncing around. The zoo people and the police have agreed not to press charges, the car dealership has insurance, and I've bought my neighbor a new mailbox.

The good news for you, my dear reader, is that I did manage to salvage one photo of Bam! in a Halloween costume. It's the one where he's wearing the invisible man/rhino costume. Check it out.