A Puppy Saved My Marriage

My husband always said that he did not want a dog in our household.

“Me or the dog” he would say.

When we separated in the summer of 2018, I did some quick research and impulsively found a puppy that could come home to me a month later. I wasn’t sure what my husband Adam would say but I knew I had always wanted a dog. Now that the children were mostly grown it was time to do what I wanted for a change. There was a part of me that was mad our situation had come to this and I wanted to draw a line in the sand. I would no longer be stifled. I would have a say. The puppy was a huge step for me – we had always made all the decisions together in our marriage – even small things like what bathroom rug to get or the throw cushions for the couch. This was the first time I had made a major purchase without talking about it and agreeing, first.

I named our puppy Chavez, and my boys and I fell in love. When Adam met him, he was enamored right away. He bought things for him and encouraged me to bring Chavez over when I visited. We spent time in our backyard throwing ball repeatedly for the puppy with endless energy.

This puppy gave us all something to focus on other than just the sadness of the time. When Adam and I had date nights and we sat on the couch to watch a movie we could pet the dog between us, and it wasn’t as awkward. When the boys were sad that their parents weren’t currently together, they could spend time with the dog.

Having something else to take care of also helped me to move past doing everything for the men in my household. I was depressed about my marriage but also busy with a new puppy. The boys had to step up to the plate and help around the house more. We began to divide household duties and conversations occurred with my husband that should he return there were new routines in place. Everyone was on board because who could argue that the little puppy needed more care than them.

More than just day to day household tasks – the puppy prompted us to have some serious conversations.

I had wanted a dog for 20 years and my husband had blocked my desire the entire time. But I allowed that. I had never really asserted myself. I had never really sat him down and said “I know you are not in favor of a dog but I don’t think it is fair that by choosing you I have chosen to never have a dog. Can we please talk about this?” and then we could have discussed his concerns (possible allergies, hair, smell, etc) and I could have shown him hypoallergenic dogs that do not shed much, if at all.

That was the biggest thing – my actions of bringing a puppy to our home prompted us to talk more. We talked about the puppy and what it meant for our relationship. We went beyond the puppy and into what we wanted for the future now that our children are preparing to leave the nest (hopefully). My husband moved back home a short time later and every day he talks about how bringing this dog into our lives was the best decision I ever made.