10 Types of Horse People We All Know

From the accidental equestrian to the ridden hunter, dressage diva, endurance enthusiast, and every personality in between, the world of horse people is full of diverse characters.

No matter where we come from or what type of discipline we prefer, there are several types of personalities that we all recognize in the world of horses. Whether you love to ride for show or just for fun, you can be sure that someone will eventually show up who is like one of these ten types - you may even find yourself included! Let’s take a look at some of the 10 types of horse people many of us know and see which one best describes you!

1 - The Stirrer

This person knows everyone's business and tells it to everyone. They are very careful not to reveal too much about themselves but manage to know everything about everyone else. They always know just what information to share and with who, yet they never seem to get caught, even though everyone knows it is them.

Usually seen by the kettle, gossiping by the school, gossiping with judges at shows and listening to everyone's conversations in the yard.

2 - The Vet's Best Friend

We all feel sorry for this one. They truly love their horse, they care for them perfectly and they want nothing. Yet the horse is always ill or injuring itself. So much so that they have a tab at the vets and are on first-name terms with the office staff.

Usually seen walking around the yard on the phone to the vet again. Sitting in their car crying or trotting their horse up the yard. Again.

3 - The Untrained Trainer

This one has no qualifications and usually has only owned their own horse and maybe worked on a couple of yards. They have then decided because they have taught a couple of kids to do rising trot, that they are a fully certified BHS instructor. So now they charge a fortune an hour to teach unsuspecting people, usually novices on cobs and kids, the basics. Bonus points if they are 'breaking in' people's horses whilst having no idea what they are doing.

Usually seen on Facebook with a page called 'their name' equine services or somesuch. Teaching people to rise trot on the wrong diagonal, advising people about bitting with the only three bits they know the name of and avoiding questions about their qualifications and insurance.

4 - All The Gear, No Idea

We all know one of these. They went out and purchased a ridiculously expensive horse, usually 'HOYS potential' or some rubbish like that. They then proceed to have a made-to-measure saddle, a brand-new trailer, and a new car to tow it. Everything is matchy-matchy and they have to have their clothes and hat to match the horse. They are terrified of the horse, rarely ride, giving excuses every time. They spend more time shopping than they do with their horse.

Can be found on LeMieux Facebook groups trying desperately to claw back some of the money they have lost on sets whilst simultaneously buying every new set they sell.

5 - All The Idea, No Gear

This person is the polar opposite of the one above. Their entire life is held together with bailing twine and their horse still wears a Jute rug from 1975 that has been on every horse they have ever owned. The only branded clothing they own has either been given to them or purchased from the bargain bin. But they don't care, because all of their money is spent on actually caring for their horse and they have a wealth of actual knowledge about horses and caring for them. They have nothing to prove. They look like a scarecrow most of the time but their horse looks like the equine version of a Calvin Klein model.

Can be found glueing the bottom back onto their boots, grooming their horse with a goat hair brush that is at least 40 years old and giving actual, useful advice to people.

6 - The Full Time Show Rider

This person spends every year chasing qualifiers. They work a full-time job in the real world, but then spend every penny they earn and every minute they have driving all over the country to qualify for shows. They usually call their horse it, will check every single schedule to see who the judges are, spend a fortune on show shine and fuel and are out every single weekend and even some weekdays.

Can usually be found in the judges' tent, trying to suck up and get their faces known so they might actually win, volunteering at shows for the same reason or crying behind the portaloos because a lame horse with the judge's best friend riding it won the qualifier they spend £500 trying to win.

7 - The Feeder

We know that a horse's health starts in the gut, but this person takes it to the extreme. They have them on two feeds a day, every supplement known to man, with only the most expensive feeds and mash available. They have an equine nutritionist on speed dial on their phone and only feed them the most expensive hay or haylage that they can find. After all this, the horse is overweight and riddled with anxiety and they wonder why it keeps colicing.

Can be found at every single feed and supplement stall at shows, constantly asking opinions on Facebook groups and giving unwanted, usually incorrect advice on the yard to anyone who will listen.

8 - The Social Media Star

This one is more concerned about getting a photo or video of what they are doing than actually doing it. They own everything matchy and blingy and have thousands of followers on social media. Although, most of the followers are pervy lads who have no interest in horses because the social media star is usually a pretty young girl. They record and post everything they do, from a nice neat bed to product placement photos of a new supplement they bought and everything in between.

Can be found tagging every brand they use in every post, replying to the pervy comments with things like 'omg thanks hun' and taking 500 photos and videos before they get one they like. Bonus points if you get dragged into taking the photos/videos for them.

9 - The Sleazy Other Half

You know the one, he stands around the yard, watching the women walk around in their jodhpurs and then when his other half takes the wheelbarrow down, he starts the sleazy talk to you. He is always making off-hand comments that are supposed to be a joke but you know they aren't. Luckily he isn't there much because he hates horses, but he seems to be there more in summer when everyone is wearing less.

Can be found near the school in summer when women are riding, sidling up to people when his other half is occupied and generally making everyone feel uncomfortable.

10 - The Down To Earth Horse Lover

Everyone knows one of these. They aren't interested in competing or brands, or showing off. They just love their horse. You can talk to them about anything and you know they won't tell everyone. They are always there to lend a hand and are usually quietly knowledgeable. As long as they are around horses, they are happy.

Can usually be found with a brew, just listening to their horse munching their hay. Sat in the field watching them graze or on a long, steady hack, just enjoying their horse and their day.