The Key to Strong Marriages

Many men have become cowards who can’t handle their own business.

Ey-Oww! Jeez, that’s a terrible way to start a conversation, huh? After all, who made me the authority?

Most Men, Probably

Dang, you’re right. What right do I have?

All I have to offer you are 17 years of happy marriage.

How many times have you, as a husband or boyfriend, found yourself tempted to blame your significant other for things going wrong in your household?

Cue the dramatic denials

·         But what if it was really her fault?

• SHE was temperamental.

• SHE was late.

• SHE spent the money.

• SHE was unfaithful (caveats abound*).

Who among us can honestly say that doesn’t trigger blame? After all, how can we be considered responsible for the actions of an independent, autonomous woman?

Here’s the rub.

When Eve was tempted, the temptation spread to Adam. But why was Eve tempted? Where was ADAM when the temptation crept in? I don’t mean physically, of course. We can’t be by her side at all times.

·         Temptation doesn’t happen in a vacuum

A wife who felt secure could have resisted temptation. A wife who felt led may have been given pause. A version of our wives who are confident in our ability to lead and provide are more resistant to temptation.

Now, I realize not all readers are spiritual, so let me be clear-

·         None of this is exclusively true to Spirituality

I have been married for 17 years. I can confidently tell you, young men, that the secret to a lasting marriage, if you want one, is recognizing that while your wife is:

o   Independent

o   Powerful and willful

o   Capable

She absolutely looks to you for guidance, direction, and leadership. Security most of all! I am not going to declare that there are no relationships where this isn’t the case. I speak to the majority, not the outlier.

So here may be the part where you roll your eyes and say “No DUH”, wondering if I plan to arrive at anything remotely profound, or if I am just going to spout Hallmark platitudes at you all day.

You may have missed something here.

If you want your wife to be

o   More Intimate

o   More flexible (Emotionally, behave yourself!)

o   Happier and less confrontational

·       Then it’s on YOU to make sure she feels secure.

That is to say, when she makes a mistake, be on the lookout for where YOU let her down. The big mistakes, gentlemen. Not every little human failing. But when your bride, the woman you said “Yeah, that’s forever” to (or the girl you’re thinking about saying that to), slips up in a big way, and you’re tempted to pull back and put your hands in the air and say “Not me!”, hoping she learns her lesson and doesn’t’ do it again?

·         You failed her first. And you’re about to fail her again.

·         All Men:

·         Speak life and positivity over your bride REGULARLY. Make sure she knows, in her moments of failure, that you acknowledge your place in that, and in the way forward.

·          Stop living as a “First Responder” in your spouses life. Be present. And do not sit by silently when the serpent is speaking. Whatever you consider the serpent to be.

That's my secret to a happy marriage. I have 17 amazing years with my wife, and I'm only 37, so I look forward to many more. Please feel free to ask me anything.