That Point In Life

You're not always going to like this, but it's an absolute truth about life. There come those times that are in your face. They're reminders that we're going to face something painful.

In the movie The Last Jedi, Luke tells Rey, it's time for the Jedi to die. What he was doing was facing the truth about life, loss, and pain. He'd lost what he believed in. He'd lost all that he held dear. And he felt like he'd failed his nephew.

When that happens to you, what do you feel?

Saying Goodbye

Always, bound and determined, facing things is often tough when they aren't going well. And eventually, the brain sees what the heart may not want to accept. But it happens to us all; we have to say goodbye to things.

Since 2024, I've had to say goodbye to far too many things. And the hits keep coming, even today. Yes, it started with the day I was diagnosed with cancer. And this year, it's a regular reminder that I'll be saying goodbye to even more.

To date, I've had to say goodbye to the following:

• Enjoying a healthy sex life. Prostate cancer puts guys through hell. The first thing doctors do is put you on medicines to strip your testosterone from your body. That alone would make it hard to have a sex life. Then come meds like Nubeqa or Xtandi. Neither is safe, and exposing people to those chemicals in the system can cause other problems. That cost me a girlfriend, my metabolism, and my overall physical condition.
• The world doesn't stop turning when you get sick, so get ready for others not to circle the wagons around you and do the right thing. As it's Father's Day tomorrow, I'm reminded of my son and his divorce. When he and his ex got together, there was a child in the mix. Instantly, a Daughter-in-law and a grandson. Because of how things played out, despite my admonishing them ahead of time that I didn't want to get close to a child only to have them ripped out of my life if things didn't work out, that's what happened.
• In the summertime, I'm always in the pool. This year, that went up in smoke, as the cancer and the effects of life's changes timed out with a catastrophic failure in the pool system. There aren't any around where I live to visit. So, that's that. I know, it might sound petty. But it's one more thing that I haven't been able to fix, and had to say goodbye to.
• As a guy who avidly fished most of my life, since age seven or eight, I looked forward to that, and it too has become something I'm going to have to say goodbye to. I don't know why, but after multiple attempts, I tried ten times this year, and I've managed to go ten shutouts. I've caught trophy-sized fish, catfish, dozens of bass, bluegill, crappie, walleye, gar, and red ear. Now, for some reason, I can't catch a single thing anywhere I'd normally go.
• Decent night's sleep is a phrase that doesn't exist in my world. I started wearing a fitness watch to track my sleep. This was months ago. And, as I suspected, I barely sleep 3 hours a day. It's not for a lack of trying, but for the effects of the cancer. So, having any energy without testosterone aside, I probably wouldn't ever feel good or clear-headed again with the type of sleep habits I have.

What's the point? Saying goodbye to things sucks. It's never easy to say goodbye. Not to people. Not to places. And not to things we love.