REAL Masculinity

What do you think of when you hear the word masculine?

Testosterone?

Beards?

Strong jaws?

Hairy arms?

MUSCLES?

Well, I'm gonna stop you right there. That's not what makes a man really, truly masculine.

I mean sure, he looks super manly, but is he really that manly?

People back in the Middle Ages didn't really care if a knight appeared manly. What really mattered was whether he conducted himself with chivalry and valor.

The painting of a perfect knight...

He ain't masculine at all...

Take a character (the love interest) in my WIP, for instance.

He doesn't look manly at all. He is super boyish, yet he is the most manly of all the characters because he is brave and selfless. He defends the queen and the main character with his life, even protecting the main character from his own feelings for her. When he rescues the main character, he forces her to go on without him because he is wounded and the enemy is approaching and they will both be captured unless she goes on without him.

*Sigh* How romantic...

Maybe I should stop falling in love with this character before it destroys me.

Anyway, I digressed. Where was I?

Oh, yeah. So masculinity is not solely based on appearances. It is mostly based on conduct.

Chivalry is key.

Most of the aspects of chivalry are obsolete, such as bravery, strength, and skill in battle, but many can be applied today.

Knights were expected to show respect to women. Now, I'm not saying to be ridiculous. Don't do anything you would do for a girlfriend to just any woman. That's going to make people think you're a player.

Just be courteous. Hold doors open, let the women go first, and please, please don't keep hitting on women when we've already said we're not interested. It is so rude when you do that, and we do not appreciate it!! No means no, and efforts to try to change our minds are not going to work. In fact, we are just going to become more and more annoyed. Annoyed = no dates. Simple equation.

Another one of the rules of chivalry is loyalty to your friends and family... and lord. Ignore the last one.

You can be loyal to your friends and family by, being faithful to your wife, honoring your parents, being respectful to your siblings, no matter what differences in ideas or politics you might have, and being kind to your children.

Being loyal to your friends entails not gossiping about them and always being there for them whenever they need you.

And, oh, the best for last; courtesy is also a rule of chivalry.

This isn't just being polite and minding your manners. Courtesy is also thinking of other people's feelings, and being kind and respectful. This is the exact opposite of what you guys have been taught masculinity is. Masculinity is being tough and so stolid that you seem unfeeling.

Well, that is farcically untrue.

Being kind and sensitive is way more attractive than being tough, even if you are this super giga Chad with a ten-pack. That brings me around to Dwight in Shining Armor.

I am obsessed with the main character, a nerdy teen named Dwight. Oh my heavens, he is adorable.

UUUUUGH, who can't fall in LOVE with that face?

And if you need more convincing, hear me out.

It's not just his adorable, boyish face I fell for, it's his sweet nature, the way he does care about people's feelings. He's the most chivalrous man in the show. Even if others are braver, he makes up for his shortcomings in kindness, loyalty, caring about other people's feelings, and being polite.

Yup. He has a baby face, yet he is still the most manly character in the show.

...

Now, I'm not saying that people who look super manly are not masculine by default. I am saying that looking manly isn't the only aspect of masculinity.

Those who can't grow a beard and look more like little boys than full-grown men- don't give up hope! You can still let your manliness shine through your behavior!!

Go be chivalrous!!