How I Allowed My Ego To Nearly Ruin My Life

The ego can be a dangerous thing if you allow it to be. Based on our life experiences and upbringing, our egos can create a sense of self that we take with us into our lives and that helps to form our reality.

The dictionary defines the ego as “a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.” Further psychoanalysis shows the ego to be “the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.”

All the information you receive from others is filtered through your ego. Therefore it makes sense that the level at that you allow your ego to control you is the same level at which you can allow your relationships to be affected.

Your self-worth impacts everything around you when it comes to how you interact with the people around you — the love you give and are able to receive, the boundaries you are able to set, how you view forgiveness, how you accept correction, how you serve others and in several other areas.

For me, my ego has affected me in ways that I ultimately regret when looking back on it. A defensiveness when taking on advice when given to me, a lack of acceptance for correction, an unhealthy sense of pride, a need for control, and a denial to face the honest reality of my situation which hasn’t allowed me to truly grow.

If I’m going to be truly honest, the reality is I have allowed my ego to nearly ruin my life in many ways. And make no mistake, I allowed it to happen. Living in alignment means understanding when your ego is operating throughout your life and when you do, this allows you to operate better from a place of true self-awareness.

On reflection, I see how my upbringing has helped form what I know to be my ego. But this is no excuse for allowing it to control me, especially with loved ones.

My ego has damaged friendships and relationships by not allowing me to be truly vulnerable due to avoiding what I believed to be shame in my life. But it’s only by shedding the ego that I’ve truly been able to open my heart to the people around me.

Shedding the ego is something that I am continuing to work on because the more I go through life, the more I understand that my ego simply does not serve me in many life situations. Instances where I would have benefitted from acting from an open, honest, and grounded perspective instead had me acting out of character due to my ego.

Letting my ego take control has proved to be destructive and damaging to my healing and has led me to ask many uncomfortable questions to myself such as -

“Why I have allowed an over-inflated sense of worth to not allow me to see the truth in situations that would have benefitted my growth?”

“Why have I created a false sense of reality from situations that are not consistent with what has actually happened?”

“What do truly believe about myself which has caused me to act in manners which I’m not proud of looking back on them?”

I can certainly say that my ego has protected me from hurt in several instances but part of my continuous growth has been me asking myself the burning question — was it truly hurt I was letting my ego protect me from or was it my fear of facing pain and discomfort which was necessary for my growth?

Because make no doubt about it, you cannot grow without pain. If you let it, your ego can convince you that you are above feeling that pain but the majority of the time, that is to your detriment.

I allowed my mind to play tricks on me to have me believe that I couldn’t and shouldn’t do the work needed to be who I wanted to be. To be comfortable with what and who I was because that was ‘good enough’.

But it wasn’t. This thought process had me sleepwalking through so much of life thinking the standards I set for myself were good enough.

The result was watching work situations be affected by not being willing to do the necessary work to elevate my career.

The result was not cultivating certain friendships through taking actions too personal and thinking I was above reaching out and addressing issues.

The result was not being willing to match my partner’s efforts in the relationship because I “was who I was” and wasn’t willing to change.

I acknowledge that how I’ve allowed myself to live has nearly cost me everything through sheer pride and stubbornness.

My ego has played a key role in what I’ve understood to be suffering in my life and a key part of my healing is affirming that I will no longer allow my ego to be the cause of my suffering.

With understanding, I see my ego for what it is — a false sense of reality created where my mind and emotions are not truly in alignment with how I want to live my life, and the longer I allow this to be unchecked, the more damage this can cause in mine and the lives of people around me.

With time, I hope to achieve true mastery of my mind and emotions because who wants to continue to knowingly suffer?