Guys, I'm here to give you a helping hand. Big ring? Over the top proposal? Wondering if she liked the small ring you got her?
I got you.
I know a lot of women. I know them well enough to know when they're lying to me because they lie the way I do.
I know when they're deluding themselves, because they give all those signals I give, too. I know when they swear black and blue they don't care that they do care, harder than ever.
I see these women pretend.
They pretend as every normal human being does. They pretend they don't hate their job, where they live, or how much they earn. Everyone does a normal amount of lying to cover up their shitty life.
And if you say you don't, you're lying.
But when it comes to the big ring, the flashy proposal, and the big wedding, women lie the most. It's become cool to pretend you don't care about those materialistic things.
We live in a woke world where if you care about possessions, money and what possessions that money can buy, you're out of touch.
Despite the fact seeking opulence has had its day, it doesn't mean the want for nice things doesn't lie deep down inside. It simply means people don't say it as much.
I've seen a lot of women pretend they don't want the big proposal. They don't care if their husband-to-be doesn't get down on one knee.
Or, in retrospect, when recounting the story of their proposal, they pretend not to care he gave her a pea-sized stone pretending to be a diamond.
The way they talk about the biggest moment of their romantic life, they let the world think they didn't care it wasn't a fairytale.
I'm not one of these women, but I have seen the lying first hand. And, I hate to say, this lying has been painfully turned inwards on me.
That's how I know they're lying to you about what they want.
Let me explain what happened to me.
My husband's proposal to me trumped the fairy tales.
It was six years ago on my twenty-eighth birthday. My husband told me to pack a bag and that was all the information he would give me.
After following his instructions, we left our house to find a stretch limousine waiting for us. I hadn't been in a limo since my year eleven formal.
This was a big deal.
Like a celebrity, the limousine took us around the city streets until we arrived at the Melbourne Heliport. It was then I found out he had hired a private helicopter to take us to our next destination.
I didn't know where, but after the forty-minute flight, I found us in the Yarra Valley.
The chopper landed at one of my favourite wineries, Yering Station. A waiter stood waiting for us with a tray of Champagne. We toured the gardens and drank our bubbles until we came to this little spot near the restaurant.
My then-boyfriend told us we were having lunch here and started telling me a story about penguins.
He said that when penguins find the penguin they're meant to be with their whole life, they give them a pebble. As he got down on one knee, he presented me with my pebble.
It was the ring he always joked he would give; a ring he got from a gumball machine. But he had the ring custom-made with the proposal date etched on the outside.
I later found out the amount of searching he had to do to find a gumball-like ring and get it engraved. Let's say, it was a lot.
But as I quickly shoved the ring onto my finger, I watched as he wouldn't move from his spot on his knee. He said to me, whilst presenting a black box, "Or you can wear this one instead."
It was my dream ring, a 5.25ct amethyst on a platinum setting with a halo carat of diamonds.
It was huge, beautiful and everything I wanted. He had been listening to me talk about an amethyst engagement ring for years. And he had it specially designed for me.
"You have my ring," I said, quickly replacing the other ring.
After lunch, another limousine took us around to other wineries where we had drinks and dessert. We then finished at our favourite country club, where we eventually had our wedding.
He had the room filled with my favourite flowers, vintage champagne and bridal magazines.
Once the moment settled, he showed me the elaborate plan he made to execute the big day.
- Driving our car to the country club the day before and then getting a taxi back, so we could drive home after the weekend.
- Getting the ring designed without my knowledge.
- Asking my mother and stepfather for my hand in marriage days earlier without my knowledge.
It was an operation and a half.
I've told women this story.
I've also heard a lot of proposal stories. None of them involved helicopters, limousines or surprises, at all.
Most of the stories centred around the man picking a random spot and handing over the ring. Some stories didn't even involve asking the question. And most lacked getting down on one knee.
Women share their proposal stories. It's what we do.
One friend of mine sent me a message about how penguins are actually quite slutty and give pebbles to everyone.
Another friend of mine told me about how much money my now husband wasted on asking one question. A relative told me that their proposal, though small, was more intimate and special than mine.
I've shown women my ring.
My ring is huge for someone like me. I'm not rich, I'm not famous, and I don't have a socially acceptable reason to have such a lavish piece. Except for the fact that's what I wanted to wear on my hand for the rest of my life.
I don't know anyone personally with a bigger ring than mine.
I've had multiple women, friends and family, try my ring on and profess it's too big. They say it's not the size they would pick. Or they say they're happy with their smaller ring size.
All their remarks are backhanded insults. But why make them?
These aren't strangers, by the way. These are the people who love me and should feel happy I got what I want. Why were they insulting me?
Unless they didn't love me at all, jealousy is my only conclusion. And considering it happened with many different women, I can't draw any other conclusion.
What's the point of all this?
No, I'm not bragging about what I have. And yes, this is just my experience. But I feel like my experience has a place in society now.
I can't be the only person out there to face negativity because I have the bright sparkly thing everyone wants. I know I'm not the rule.
I'm sure as hell not the exception, though.
From the reactions of the people in my life to my proposal, and to my ring, to what I have and they don't, women haven't humbled themselves.
Ok, some of them have; truly, honestly don't want those things. But they are so many out there lying and pretending they don't want romance. They do.
They want it. They're just not telling you.
What do you do about it?
Here's the bigger problem; you think you have us women figured out and we go and lie about it all. That doesn't help you make any romantic gestures or give the person you love what they want.
I get it. You're kind of screwed.
And with society downplaying the want and need for luxury, this doesn't help those who want romance.
It means they can't openly talk about the superficial things they want from life. In a way, they can't be themselves, nor can they be human about their desires.
Screw society. That's what you do about it.
Screw society by giving her a safe and nonjudgemental space to say what she wants from romance. Allow her to say she wants the big ring and fancy dates and flowers. Don't let her feel like she's a bad person for wanting nice things.
And, whilst we're on that, if that's what she wants, it's not a bad thing. She isn't a superficial woman with superficial demands. That's a cliche that's boring and completely suppresses all desires for life.
Don't be that guy who gives into the cliche and guilts her for it. She's a human being. She has wants.
Stop pretending she doesn't.
And when you're contemplating asking her to be your wife, think about how to make it a moment she will want to tell her friends. A moment she will cherish forever because it truly showed how much you cared about her.
If you love her, you will give her that much.
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