The Inherent Pessimism of Weddings

I have to say that I am confused. Why say yes to attend and then spend the next year waiting to be uninvited? Why not strike first and say thank you, but we're not that close? Surely you would want those who are closest to be there on your special day. Surely you invite people as you can't bear to 'tie the knot without them?'

COVID-19 is here. This is not news and weddings are not the most pressing concern for many. They are however of concern for those that have spent years saving for this one day. 

In less than 140 days I am supposed to watch my fiancee walk down that aisle. Will it happen? Who knows! I have my hopes, yet never considered that a major set of detractors could be those on the guest list.

Why Say Yes

If you now turn around and consider yourself extra baggage, then why say yes? This is something that no matter how old I get, I will not understand. If you never considered us to be that close, or have any investment in me, beyond a hello, then why waste the time?

People seem genuinely surprised when I say that we have no updates until the 21st of June. At this point, those living in the United Kingdom, who are hoping to run their weddings will know if they can go ahead if planned. It is the relationship equivalent of Christmas. 

It is on this date that we can say, yes, we are going ahead, or no, we are moving back a year. Before then, why would we uninvite you? If you no longer wish to attend as you consider your relationship with your kettle to be of more value, then why don't you say that you cannot attend?

People Hate Making Decisions

In my experience, no one wants to make a decision and no one wants to upset anyone who is looking to get married. This then creates a vortex of indecision. The guest feels irritated as they cannot book their summer holiday whilst they await your decision, yet your deadline never moves. 

Being clear and consistent is something that has been lost in 2021. All you need to do is look at the continual updates delivered from Downing Street over the last year. Consistency has been lost, but not with me. From day one I wanted to be respectfully consistent. 

A wedding is such a personal event and I have felt the wrath of unpopularity over the last year. Being uninvited via letter and little in the way of communication has been my experience of weddings, and knew that I didn't want to offer that to our guests. They are our friends and family and therefore deserve respect. 

Why Did You Not Say no?

If there was no intention beyond having nothing better to do, then why did you not say no in the first place? This I do not understand. If you had no thoughts beyond a free bar, then why waste my time? Honesty is the best policy and to think of others first is what I was brought up with.

If I had not wanted those that I invited there on the day, then why would I have wasted the time offering a space? Life offers you no end of chances to make friends and create connections and therefore saying no would not hurt me. Okay, that is a lie, if my Mum or my best friends said no then I would be insulted. This in itself creates an argument against my stance as it suggests that my feelings may be hurt and there are some people that I am closer to than others. This is, however, life. 

Everyone on the list was invited for a reason. There are some who I am closer to than others, yet I want everyone to be there, and that may be selfish. Maybe I should have only invited my Mum and closest friends? Maybe that would have been the right thing, but then I would not have the chance to develop those other friendships further. This is a line of questioning that will not be answered today, yet that is not the purpose of this article. 

The core question here is why everyone assumes that they will be uninvited? Maybe it is because we all have those we are closer to than others, favourites in a sense. Maybe the process works both ways, those who are saying they would not blame me if I uninvited them know that we are not that close. The pandemic has released these inner truths to the world, forced us to recognise the hypocrisy of the lives we are leading. 

A Final Thought

The Invention of Lying shows a world incapable of telling a lie. Within it, there is no deceit, yet people do not seem to be happy. Lies provide comfort to a dying woman and they provide comfort to us each and every day. If we truly knew how we all felt about each other, then would we ever have peace?

I was always taught that honesty is the best policy. If you do not want to do something, then do not do it. If you have no intention of attending and are simply saying yes as you have nothing better to do, then what is the point?

Lies offer protection against the darkness, yet when it comes to personal relationships they inhibit us. We are caught in a world where we consider the truth hurtful, yet it is freeing. If we allow ourselves to be honest then there will be no worry, as we know that our decisions have been made with the best intentions.