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Moving On

Death affects us all, but everyone has a choice to let go

By Blake VincentPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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Sitting across from a silver carafe, I pondered the antiquity of the lacquered table I was sipping bourbon from. I arrived into town yesterday, but only this morning did it dawn on me that my wife is gone, as well as the journey that started together had come to its end. After forty years of marriage, the decision was made to pull the plug.

Let me explain the choices that lead to making this decision.

It started in 1981...I was seventeen, in my senior year at Boonville High. I had just made the varsity football team, and we won our first game of the year against Central. After the game, the team went over to Will the QB’s house to celebrate. Within an hour, we invited the school. I only had two or three beers, but there was a group of stoners out in the garage, passing around a make shift pipe... You know, the old apple and tinfoil thing that isn’t even usable after the night.

There was a girl in the corner wearing all black, with blonde hair. Her name was Jessica. She took a hit out of it, and asked “Do you want some, or are you too cool to be seen with us?” I called her bluff and said “You little retards don’t know how to party! Stop trying to act cool. Pass me that shit.” I knew I was bluffing, but I was afraid & wanted to act better than them. After two hits, I coughed until my eyes teared up. Everybody laughed, and I laughed too. I passed the pipe to someone, and Jessica grabbed my hand and said “Show me around; your friend Will lives here, right?” I said “Yeah, but his parents will be home in the morning. We have to clean after everybody leaves.” Jessica said “Oh yeah? Well, if you give me a ride home, then I’ll stay and help clean?” I said “I don’t know what you’re expecting, but fine. Only if you mop the floors while we pick up the trash...” Jessica said “Deal! My mom’s a maid, I know all about mopping...So, are you going to give me a tour upstairs or what?”

Hesitantly, I brought Jessica upstairs. When we got to Will’s room, she pushed me onto the bed & took her shirt off...she was braless. From that night, we were inseparable.

We saw each other every day, and nothing kept us apart. I picked her up for school in the mornings, and we talked on the phone every night.

Soon it was time to submit applications for college, & we weren’t sure where we were going. I think I was more worried than her, but she talked about it nonstop. During summer, we found out we were going different places. I got into Berkley, and she got into Julliard for acting. The day before we left town, we broke up. She didn’t have the heart to hurt someone she cared about so; I did it. We promised if we were in the same city, we’d look each other up. That uncertainty scared me more than the breakup ever could.

Life continued, and ten years passed before we’d meet. I tore my ACL in my second year at Berkley, and couldn’t play anymore. I finished my degree, started a business, and became wealthy after a few years. I moved to Los Angeles, and some nights I’d imagine when I’d see her again. One afternoon after walking the beach, there she was. I couldn’t believe it. She was yelling at a barista for a messed-up order. I walked up to her and said “Is that you, Jessica Fisher?” She paused, glanced, and said “OH MY GOD! Johnathan, is that you?” We embraced within seconds. I said “I can’t believe you’re here! It makes sense since attending Julliard, but what are you doing with your life now?” Jessica said “Well, I quit acting years ago, and I manage an agency. It’s not what I thought I’d be doing, but I do okay.” I laughed and said “Well, we did say we’d look each other up back in the day... how about dinner?” Jessica smirked and said “I did get into town yesterday. I had no clue you were here! Let’s try Antonio’s at say, 8pm tomorrow?” I said “Absolutely, see you then!”

Dinner went better than imagined. It was like nothing changed, even after so much time. We slept together and within a year, we got married.

We spent years traveling. From the desert in Cairo, to Loch Ness, and even the glaciers in Antarctica. We settled in Copenhagen, and had two children. Both were the joy of our lives. By the time they reached their teens, Jessica came back from shopping on a humid fall evening, and had a stroke. Jessica’s family had a history on her father’s side. The children and I visited every day. On one visit, Jessica said “Look after them Johnathan, there’s no time left.” I asked her “How do you know, honey? The doctors say you’re doing better, and soon you’ll come home.” Jessica languished and said “I know what they said. I know my body better than them. Don’t mourn me. Go and live your life. I know you can be happy without me.”

Tears in my eyes, I said “Jessica, you’re the one for me. Nobody else makes my heart soar when you’re the wind beneath my wings.” The kids and I were at home when Jessica had another stroke. She didn’t wake, and stayed in a coma. It took a while to come to grips with the fact that my wife was gone, even if her body remained. Once the plug was pulled, I couldn’t bear staying in Copenhagen.

I flew to Booneville with the kids, and told our families the news. I hope in time, we meet again after wandering life without her love. I’ll move forward, while her memory withers into a reality that can’t be relived.

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About the Creator

Blake Vincent

Artist/Author/Army Veteran/Studio Engineer

linkt.ee/blakevincent23

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