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How did you find out you were gay?

by Tim 4 months ago in lgbtq
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Want to hear how you discovered or fully realized that you were gay

For as long as I can remember, when I was almost five years old in kindergarten, my mother went to Guangdong to work, and I followed my father and grandfather. At that time, my grandfather was 70 years old, and my father had to go out to work. I took my sister to play, and began to learn to bathe and wash clothes by myself. All the neighbors and villagers said I was very clever. Slowly began to grow, began to go to primary school, exam each semester are among the best, get certificates and notepad (what merit students, outstanding cadres, a semester can bring back several pieces), remember to my primary school graduation when a drawer of notebooks, the wall covered with my certificates.

In this way, I became the so-called children of others in the eyes of everyone. The good times did not last long. When I was in grade two, my mother took my father to Guangdong to work together after the New Year. With my elderly grandfather and sister, I became a left-behind child. At this time, I am more sensible, because I am older, cleaning the room, cooking, washing clothes with my sister. On weekends, I often follow my big sister next door to herding cattle, and in spring, I pick ferns and pull bamboo shoots with my brothers and sisters in the village. Summer to the mountain to pick up mushrooms, swimming in the river, the ditch to catch fish, fishing frogs in the field, pick up field snails, autumn to the mountain to pick up wild fruit, winter when the mountain to pick up pine balls and pine leaves to do firewood, school night with the village partners playing marbles, rubber band, hopscotch, pick up stones, throw sandbags, playing cards, playing mahjong. Suddenly feel that time what will be, in fact this is one of the most critical, the most things are followed me five or six years old sisters play together, and the age of the boys are playing in the village I never care about what, at least one thing I know, they don't bully me, maybe weak chicken character is to start from here.

To my 5th grade, parents due to the SARS incident back in the home, also built a new house in the home, after work in the county seat, unfortunately because the village resources is not good, no teacher would like to the countryside, the school does not bottom go to, I have to go to more than a dozen in the town of reading, but my parents just say let's go to the county also to avoid the sinking of reading, I wouldn't have gone to college, and I probably wouldn't know where to hang out now.

Went to the county seat of a elementary school sixth grade, the result is failed in the exam, don't know what is it in English, a parents' meeting the teacher went to my dad said I poor grades, self-abased psychology and unable to blend in class's and grade's feeling arises spontaneously, most of our classmates in the school lodging, I live with my parents, also led to I didn't make any friends in a year, But a year soon ended, most of the people were successfully admitted to the second middle school or a middle school, and I silently into a very poor school.

When I was in junior high school, I was still living with my parents and my personality was still so silent. I never brought a classmate to my home and I only talked to girls at school. I remember passing a note to a girl saying that I liked her and then she said that I was not liked (heartbroken). In life, because my parents want to go to work every day, my parents started teaching me how to go to the vegetable market to buy food, how to bargain, high performance/price ratio, and how to buy food, so the weekends I will buy food to cook for my family to eat, also told me to give them wash their clothes, mop the floor clean room, due to these will follow when grandpa, so they said what I'll do what, But when I went to school, my father came back to cook and my mother washed our clothes. Since I have no friends, I should have spent time with my friends on weekends, but I watched idol dramas with my sister at home (Taiwan dramas and Korean dramas are really good). I watched almost all the dramas of that period. The only thing that is in the study, with junior high school, I began to learn to learn, because there is no boy to play with me, all of physical education and recess time in playing basketball to play table tennis, and I learn in the classroom, so take an examination of the first semester final exam in class 4, seems to be motivated by the primary school students with excellent performance mode, In the whole middle school, I played well with several girls with good grades, and had no male classmates or friends. In the final examination, I was admitted to the key class in the county with the highest score in the school.

After I entered the key class of the county in high school, I found that my grades were in the middle and top of the class. However, I inherited the practice of junior high school. In the final examination of the first semester, I entered the fourth class and ranked more than 20 in the grade. Actually freshman year, I am still very introverted silence, but a little different is high school boys began to get close to me, they will take the initiative to take me to play, then began to learn to play badminton, but also can have boys bully me hold me to pinch my face, I don't seem to mind that, at least someone will play with me. One thing that has not changed is that I still have a good relationship with girls, and everyone is willing to talk to me. However, in terms of life, there seems to be no big difference from junior high school life. My parents rented a house near the school to accompany me to study, so the pressure in senior high school is naturally greater than that in junior high school, so I have to make up lessons on weekends. During this high school life, I made many friends, both boys and girls, and they are still very close. Therefore, my personality becomes much more cheerful. My academic performance also improved slowly in three years, and finally I was admitted to the university with the seventh grade (county high school is not compared with the provincial key middle school).

I have learned a lot in college. In fact, I like group activities, but I can't fit into a group quickly. However, at least in every stage now, I will find one or two good friends, which is enough for me. When I was a freshman, I had a girlfriend who split up after a short time because I was too passive. Later, I asked her why she liked me, and she said it was because I looked good. In the second semester of my freshman year, my roommate took me to watch Brokeback Mountain. It was the first time I knew that there could be boys who liked boys. Later, I secretly searched "gay" and "boys like boys", which was enlightenment.

Sophomore year bought the first smartphone, begin to use mobile search terms, obscure somehow strange begin to pay close attention to the boy, then began to watch the youth novels (are bossy, President of fall in love with a Cinderella, what school hunk campus story), once the story, a novel and campus results inside painting style change, become two male leading role of love story, Opened the door of Tanbi novels, from then on out of control, slowly from the Qing hydrology to children should not text, also opened the door of GV in the novel, but at this time I just look, never dream, also did not think I want to find a boyfriend. Almost at this time I met him. He lived across the hall from me, with different majors from the college, and knew my roommate, so he often came to our dormitory. I had no intersection with him, but just knew him.

In June of my junior year, I caught a cold during the plum rain season. I went to the university hospital to get medicine at night. I met him in the stairwell. The next day, the cold is not good also have a fever, early to the school hospital intravenous drip, just ready to start the injection, he came, he said on the way to meet my roommate, my roommate said with him. During that time, he kept touching my arm, saying it was too cold, and gave me warm, inexplicably moved. Always accompany me to finish, also took me to eat porridge, said a cold to eat some liquid food. In this way, our contact began to become more and more, when Transformers 4 was released, he asked me to go to the movie, I refused at the beginning, he said several times, I agreed. After the mall, he took me to have a meal, and then took me to buy clothes, he also bought the same T-shirt with me, the shopping guide said brother outfit (inexplicable became the first couple outfit), I was speechless...... Out of shame, I gave him all the money when I got back, and he said it didn't matter. In fact, at this time, my heart has begun to like him, because a self-study, after dinner in the river walk, he hugged me and kissed me, this is the formal together. Not too much romantic beginning, not too many ups and downs, so flat light a walk is four years, the future is still a long way, we will hold hands together to go down.


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