World of Propagating

In my self-teachings of house plants and learning to propagate little plant babies; succulents have always been the most easy, and most intriguing. Though, in the beginning that was not always the case. I could never get the sun to shade ratios correct, or if I should even bother watering the finicky-f**ks or leave them neglected for thirst. Unlike other plants, where you just stick a leaf in a glass of water, and ta-dah, roots begin to grow; succulent leaves couldn’t care less if they get tossed in a tray of dirt to be forgotten about, much like myself (just kidding.. maybe).

Don’t touch them, don’t think about them, don’t even look at them. They’ll soon begin to thrive-- under certain grow/sun light conditions, obviously. Thus, creating my peace-abiding hobby of tearing apart a succulent plant when life gets rugged, and raising a whole wack-load of neglected, young succulents in the process. A mother of thousands, if you will.

I start by picking out the most gloomy looking plant, the dullest of them all, the one who cries, “Mother, take my leaves and make me into something more!”. Which is hard you know, it’s not easy choosing a plant for sudden death.. but then you have to realize, it’ll re-birth that same plant by at least 10 more plants, so in the end.. its worth it.

Then, ever so gently, I twist a leaf to one side, then twist it to other side. Until I feel a little ‘pop’ and the leaf falls off. Take in mind, these plants are fragile to begin with, so most of the time I’ll just find leaves around the house, growing new succulents out of no where like, “where the hell did you come from?”. Or one of my cats (as well as myself) will accidentally hit, knock, or shake one of the plants; and there you go, new babies to be had. Sounds cruel, but they wouldn't but so abundant if they hadn't been so delicate, if you think about it. This is the part I find the most satisfying, and might I say, soothing to my senses, calming to my mind. Odd, I know.

One might ask, "how is ripping apart an innocent little succulent so satisfying?" Well, it may sound morbid, but in the end, you get all these teeny tiny babies and the rebirth of the mother plant, to me, that's beautiful, that's life.

What's less is more, no? Yes!

Anyway, I then place the butchered leaves in a tray of soil, nothing too deep, just a light layer they can rest on until the raw ends callus over for a day or two. After about a week or so they begin to make roots (yay), and then EVENTUALLY, you’ll see the itty-bitty baby succulent poke its way out. It’s honestly the sweetest thing to watch, its slow, and takes hell of a lot of patience; but it calms my mind.

What do I do with the decapitated mother’s head you ask? Well, I usually leaf a couple leaves at the very crown, stem below, and again, eventually little leaves will poke out of where the previous leaves were. It’s a bit of tongue twister, in terms of, growing plants.. if that makes sense. But ANYWAY, this glorious plant I feel, is quite misunderstood for the sole reason that people just don’t know how to grow them. They need LOTS of light or they become leggy and ugly (more babies though); people just don’t seem to understand them. I personally keep mine under grow lights for more then half the year. They only see real sunshine in the peaks of our summer time (which is not much here in Canada). and most people overwater them, these ***holes thrive on neglect. I water MAYBE every 3 weeks depending on temperature, even then they look at me like, "are you ****ing kidding me? More water?" but then again, they are desert plants.

Pretty simple, right? It's definitely a calming gig if you have the patience for it. I often gift them to friends and family too, cause what else would I do with thousands of little babies. I don't want them, I just like butchering them from time to time.