What did you like about 'this'?

How many times have you heard, ‘You liked that? You should check out this thing.’ Yet as you listen, watch, read or consume the thing they have suggested, it leaves you wondering, how the hell could you have thought I would enjoy this?

The problem is that just because you liked the same thing, doesn’t mean you liked it for the same reason. The recommendation you were given was based on their recollection of what they adored but it was not the thing you noted. You loved it for a different reason.

Maybe they heard the melody but you heard the lyrics. Maybe they watched the action and you watched the characters. Maybe they read the story and you read the prose. Maybe they consumed the texture and you consumed the taste.

And so we get recommendations of ‘if this, then that’ that leave us completely unsatisfied. It may not seem like that much of an issue but what if you like an album for its heavy beats and someone makes a recommendation because they liked its cover art, and you ended up listening to reggae. Or someone recommends a movie because it’s got the same actor in it but one is a romantic comedy and the other is a psychological thriller. What if you enjoyed a book because of its exploration of what it means to be human and they recommended one that also has vampires in it. What if you enjoy sandwiches because they’re savory and soft and someone recommended baklava, which is sweet and chewy because it was in the same triangular shape.

Recommendations based on two different experiences will never help someone find the next thing they love. But what can you do to overcome this problem? Well, you can’t stop other people from suggesting shit you don’t like, but you can stop yourself from falling into the same trap when it’s your turn. Lead by example and maybe they will do the same in time. So how do you give better recommendations? Get more information with which to give your suggestion with a simple question: What did you like about ‘this’?

They might launch into a huge explanation about the use of a sitar in that particular song, or the strong female lead and how they found her inspiring or perhaps the easy-to-read style, or they really liked that salad because of the beetroot. Either way… now you know. And now you have a place to start. You liked the sitar so check out this song and its equally inventive use of the mandolin. You liked that strong female lead check out this movie focused on female empowerment. You like the easy-to-read style, here are several other books with simple sentence structure and a plot focus. Did you like that beetroot salad? Have you ever tried freshly squeezed beetroot and apple juice?

And maybe they don’t know, maybe they can’t tell you why they like something. We don’t always know why a thing brings us pleasure, sometimes it just does. However, that is easily overcome, if you just make offers.

Take music to start, if you like Jack Johnson for his relaxing sounds you should try Slightly Stoopid, and don’t let the death metal style album covers turn you off, they’re a very soothing band. But if you like Jack Johnson for his lyricism and the content of his songs, try Ben Lee, especially his album Awake is the New Sleep.

Or in TV, if you liked Brooklyn Nine-Nine because it was a fun show about New York detectives then try Castle, both have a fun approach to the world of crime-solving as well as similarly diverse casting. But if you like Brooklyn Nine-Nine for the cold opens and funny characters then try Parks and Rec, they were both created by Michael Schur and have a similar style.

When it comes to books if you enjoyed The New York Times bestseller 'The Courage To Be Disliked' for its dissection of human behavior you might enjoy, 'Loving What Is' by Byron Katie as she approaches the same concept of how the human does internal storytelling but with practical tools to overcome. However, if you enjoyed it for its dialogue format and theoretical style then Daniel Quinn’s Ishmael is an absolute must-read.

And as for consuming, if you like bacon and egg rolls for their ease of eating on the go, then try a quiche or sausage roll. However, if you like the mixture of salt and fat on bread, you should really try the BLAT (bacon, lettuce, avocado, and tomato) sandwich.

Knowing why someone likes something, asking them just one question,, and waiting for that response, opens you up to a world of better suggestions because you’re no longer focused on what you loved, but on what they loved.

However the trick to making a truly great recommendation and getting a reputation as someone with great taste is being able to put the pieces together. Ask them for a few of their favorite things, why they like them, and find what is common between them.

For instance, if you like the music of Lonely Island and Garfunkel and Oates, I can assume you like parody and mocking humor. And if you enjoy shows like Rick and Morty or The Good Place then you like humorous shows with a tentative grip on reality that are tackling shockingly big issues. And if you delighted in reading Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and Lord Of The Rings then I know you like adventure stories with interesting characters. And lastly, if you enjoy a beer or a curry then you’re probably up for something a bit weird and spicy. So based on all of that, I can highly recommend Red Dwarf.

Red Dwarf is a show with a mocking and often dark sense of humor, which we know you love because of your taste in music. It follows the adventures of Lister, an average man stranded in space with a humanoid developed over millennia from a cat, a hologram obsessed with the rules, a senile floating head that runs the spaceship, and eventually a protocol robot who wants to learn how to break the rules, so there you have your fun characters on an adventure we know you enjoy from your reading habits. And in this story reality continues to shift as it tackles issues such as what does it mean to be good, what’s the right balance between confidence and humility, or how do religions develop, and we know you’ve got a taste for that from your choice in what you watch. And lastly, the main characters' favorite foods are beer and curry, so I think you’ll like him, but also the show is kind of weird and spicy.

And that is a recommendation I can feel confident in by just putting the pieces together. What do these things that you like have in common is a simple way of better understanding what someone enjoys and why. And so next time someone says they like ‘this, before you recommend ‘that’, ask them why.

Let’s all get better and remembering our experience is not the same as everyone’s experience. We can love the same thing for different reasons. And it really doesn’t matter as long as there’s more love in the world.