The Power of Space

We all need space. And not just from time to time because we happen to be feeling overwhelmed at that particular moment. We need consistent space in order to grow and thrive. It is a necessity. Put a plant in a crowded bed and it will slowly but surely become choked out. The plant won't be able to get the nutrients it needs to truly flourish. Human beings are the same. We need mental and emotional space to thrive. We need the space created by ample, unscheduled time.

Unfortunately, if you're anything like me, your days and weeks are often so scheduled that there is barely enough time to breathe. Take my schedule this week. Out of the 168 hours available to me, 37 percent will be spent sleeping. (Yes, I do try to sleep 9 hours every night because that is what my body needs.) 32 percent will be spent working and commuting to and from work. Necessary self-care (cooking, eating, showering, etc.) and home maintenance (cleaning) will take up 13 percent of my time. Social obligations will take another 9 percent of my hours for the week. That leaves a mere 9 percent of my time available for other tasks I'd like to accomplish such as exercising, reading and writing, working toward personal projects, and of course, having space to think and recharge.

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Creating space for yourself helps in the following ways:

1. It relieves stress.

2. It gives you time to pursue personal goals.

3. It allows you to live with intention.

1. Relieving Stress

We are stressed out. Who can blame us? Work is stressful and we devote so much time to it, even taking it home with us, checking emails on our phones, etc. We are on call 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year, and not just with the people at work. Friends and family, as lovely as they are and as much as we treasure them in our lives, can be a source of stress if they expect us to respond to every text immediately upon delivery. Forget it if you have children to take care of. Game over. Whether we realize it or not, we are all craving space to help relieve the stress of living in this fast-paced society.

While searching for a good article on this topic, I stumbled across an article on WebMD that proffered 10 tips for relieving stress... quickly. The introduction stated that these tips would help you relax in 15 minutes flat. Now if you are so busy that all you have is 15 minutes to relax... I'm afraid that's the whole problem. Meditating for ten minutes might indeed help in the short-term, but its a band-aid on a gaping wound, not the ultimate cure.

Instead of rushing through your "relaxation," try to create some space for yourself. Space means turning the phone to silent when you get home from work. Space means having a week of vacation on occasion. (And I do not mean to take a trip on which you feel pressured to see all the sights... I mean to go home and have time to relax.) Space means asking your significant other or your parents or even a babysitter to take care of the kids for a weekend. We all need breaks—from work, from socializing, from responsibilities. Take a break. Create space.

2. Pursuing Personal Goals

Another benefit of creating space for yourself is that it affords you the time to work on things you actually want to work on. These are your personal goals—things you want to accomplish even if you don't get paid to accomplish them. I, for example, want to increase my speed and distance when I run, improve my writing, publish another piece, and study up on business so that I can one day found my own school. These are things for which I do not generally have much time or energy. In the evenings, when I get home from work, I spend most of my free time just trying to unwind from all the stress of the day. I can barely think and breathe, let alone take the time to truly pursue my passions.

What kind of goals would you like to work toward? Maybe your goals are similar to mine, but I doubt it. We are all so vastly different in our interests and desires. That is part of the beauty of the human experience. Yet, we often deny ourselves the chance to be our authentic selves because we refuse to give ourselves the space we need in order to accomplish these individual dreams. We are too busy living up to others' expectations and fulfilling their wishes that we, like the genie, forget what it is to be free. Stop overcommitting. If every evening is stocked with this activity or that obligation, you need to learn to say no. Give yourself space so that you can work on your own projects. Do things that bring you joy.

3. Living With Intention

Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, space gives you the ability to live with intention. Most of us drift through life on occasion, but for far too many people this "drifting" is a habit of which they are not even aware. When you choose to live with intention, you choose to be the captain in your own life, steering the ship where YOU want it to go, not wherever the waves seem to take it. Circumstances affect our lives. Tragedies happen. You fall ill despite taking excellent care of your body. There is a death in the family that no one could have prevented. Someone breaks into your home and steals from you even though you locked the doors. Things do happen. But these "happenings," are they par for the course, or are they the exception? And when things do happen, how do you respond? This is the difference between drifting and living with intention.

A person who lives with intention takes time to decide what they want out of each day. Benjamin Franklin made it a habit to ask himself every morning, "What good will I do today?" Take the time to set the intention. How do you want this day to go? Do you want to accomplish a task such as going to the gym, cooking a wholesome meal, finishing that paperwork you never seem to get around to? Do you want to go through your day with a particular mindset or mantra? For example, maybe this is the day you pledge to find the small joys or the day you will say to yourself, "I am enough" every time you feel inadequate. Decide what the day will look like. Decide what your day will bring.

On the flip side, to live with intention also requires reflection. At the close of each day, Benjamin Franklin asked himself, "What good did I do today?" Take the time to think about your intentions. Did you accomplish the task? Did you keep the mindset or repeat the mantra? Did you do what you intended to do? If so, congratulate yourself and think about what made your success possible so that you can replicate it. If you did not, don't beat yourself up. Instead, think about what prevented you from success and how you can do better tomorrow.

To live with intention requires space. It takes time to set intentions and to reflect each day. Some days it may take more time than others. If you had a particularly challenging day, you may need extra space to think about what made it so challenging. You need time to problem solve. Additionally, sometimes we seem to get in a rut that lasts more than a day or two. At these times it is helpful to have extended space so you can reflect more deeply. What is the cause of this stagnant period? Are you entertaining self-defeating thoughts? What kind of thoughts are you entertaining? How can you switch your thinking around to be more positive? You may need to take time to journal about your thoughts and feelings. You may need to speak with a friend who will help you take a higher perspective. In any event, if you are constantly on the go, you will not be able to fully live with intention. So be sure to create the space you need.

TIPS & TRICKS FOR CREATING SPACE

1. Turn off the phone when you get home from work.

2. Take a few days off of work, not for a fun-filled trip, but for that downtime I call space.

3. Ask someone you trust to care for your children for an evening or weekend.

4. Say no to commitments. Each week, try to have more evenings that are free than ones that are scheduled.

5. Get up early enough that you have quiet time in which you can set an intention for the day.

6. Take time before going to bed to reflect on your intention, as well.