The Mental State of Falling In and Out of Love

The feelings of love can easily lead to feelings of confusion, heartbreak, and even despair. When we fall in love, our brain releases a flood of chemicals that create a euphoric feeling. We become infatuated with the object of our affection and feel a sense of excitement and anticipation. This initial stage of love is characterized by intense emotions and a heightened sense of connection. However, as time goes on, the intensity of these feelings may start to fade. The brain's chemical response to love begins to normalize, and we may find ourselves questioning our feelings and the compatibility of the relationship. Doubts and insecurities can creep in, leading to a shift in our mental state.

While the intense rollercoaster of emotions and brain activity that typically lasts a few months in early love typically only lasts a few months, it slowly transitions into the more long-lasting stage of love known as attachment. In this way, romantic love shares some similarities with other forms of love as oxytocin and vasopressin signal trust, feelings of social support and attachment.

What is called oxytocin, can inhibit the release of stress hormones which is why spending time with a loved one can feel so relaxing. As early love's suspension of judgment fades, it can be replaced by a more honest understanding and deeper connection. Alternatively, as your rose-colored glasses begin to lose their tint, problems in your relationship may become more evident.

No matter the reason a relationship ends, we can blame the pain that accompanies heartbreak on the brain. The distress of a breakup activates the insular cortex which processes pain - physical and social - both alike. As days pass, you may find yourself once again daydreaming about or craving contact with your lost partner. The drive to reach out may feel overwhelming like an extreme hunger or thirst.

It can be painful to fall out of love. As the once-strong emotional bond weakens, we may feel a sense of loss, grief, and disappointment. A desire for something different or better consumes our thoughts and then there are doubts about the relationship. There can be feelings of sadness, frustration, and unease associated with this mental state. The human experience of falling in and out of love is a natural one. People may find that the excitement and passion of an initial stage of a relationship have faded as the relationship becomes more comfortable and secure.

When looking at photos of a former partner, heartbroken individuals show increased activity in the VTA (Ventral Tegmental Area) - motivation and reward center that drove feelings of longing during the initial stages of the relationship. This emotional whirlwind also likely activates your body’s alarm system leaving you feeling shaken and restless. Higher cortical regions which oversee reasoning and impulse control can pump the brakes on this distress and craving signaling over time but given enough time and support most can heal.

Relationships evolve, and our feelings may progress too. Allowing ourselves to be open to these feelings and recognizing their legitimacy is essential. To handle the feelings of being in and out of love, we need to take time for self-reflection and talk openly about what's happening. In some cases, when we fall out of love it can mean that the relationship isn't benefitting us anymore, so making choices for our own good can be necessary. Ultimately, it's alright to not be in love as it can lead to new possibilities towards development.