The Highlight

To Mr. Darryl Franklin of 428 Comstock Rd, Ottawa, ON

Messrs. Gilmore and Saxon regret to inform you that your second cousin Rodney has recently passed away. We offer our sincere condolences.

As Executors of his Estate, we are obliged to inform you that you have been named in your late cousin's Last Will and Testament as the Sole Benficiary to his Estate.

Please contact us at the number below, so that we can take the next step.

Regards,

Messrs. Gilmore and Saxon

Well, shit.

Not the way I saw my day starting, standing in my kitchen, rereading the notarized document I had to sign for in my dinosaur slippers instead of the newspaper. I barely noticed the two, now spattered with Peruvian dark blend and the shattered bits of my favorite cup., which hit the floor about two seconds into reading.

So many questions flooded my mind at once

Am I dreaming?Is this really happening? Am I gonna wake up soon? Who the Mickey Mouse Fuck is cousin Rodney?

You know, the normal questions you ask when you get an official-looking letter on expensive stationary from a relative you didn't know existed.

A lifetime of bad luck has never done my optimism any favors. In spite of that, I guess you could say I remain hopeful.

It only took a minute or two for the shock and confusion to give way to elation. but even that was overshadowed by the sudden dreadful thought of inheriting more debt than property. This back anf forth continued long enough for an episode of American Dad to play itself back in my mind while I figured out my next move. In the words of Jackie Chan, being still and doing nothing are two very different things.

Suddenly I was animated, as if struck by lightning. I bolted across the room, grabbing my phone and my keys before bursting out the front door like a shot. The dinosaur slippers, still on my feet, slightly damp. the shattered pieces, the Peruvian dark, and morning paper lay forgotten.

The law office popped right up in the GPS, and I was tearing down the road like a bat out of hell before I had the last number dialed.

Growing up in a small town, the only people I knew even close to wealth were the local doctors and dentists. Their kids always won every sales contest and Playstation 2 on the books simply by filling up their parents' offices. I was the kid that went door-to-door and still only managed a tenth of their sales quota. So I learned from a very early age that life wasn't always fair, and that good things didn't always come to the hard workers who deserve them.

Now, driving down the road 20 miles over the speed limit, my heart racing, I'm still skeptical that this is anything but another one of a long line of scams I've fallen for since my grade-school disillusionment. Or worse, my long lost cousin Rodney was a financial delinquent of the worst kind: the kind that presents wealth while racking up insurmountable debt that's only revealed after they're dead and gone.

Naturally, when I arrived at the law office I was amped enough from the various ways I could imagine this going wrong that I was in no state of mind to be made a jerk of.

The offfice walls were lined with exotic fish of every description. A drop-dead gorgeous teal in stilettos sat behind the solid oak reception desk. we exchanged information and I was ushered into Mr. Saxon's office, which was even more opulent.

A smallish man, Gabriel Saxon nonetheless commanded respect from behind his prescription Ray Bans, seated comfortably behind carven ivory, more a work of art than furniture.

This was getting annoying. I sat there hoping for the tunnel vision to pass. I barely registered everything the legal guru sitting in front of me was saying, the ringing in my ears drowning out every other sentence.

"In a nutshell, Mr. Franklin, your second cousin did very well for himself. He was a very savvy investor, a visionary really, with controlling stock of many different, independently run companies that never saw a profit drop on his watch. An industrial giant, this man. Oil, pharmaceuticals, energy, weapons, advanced research, as well as several hedge funds that tripled investors' net worth in a little over two years. However, devoted as we was to his work, he had no other living relatives, save you."

I looked up: "So how much are we talking here?"

"3.7 trillion US."

And my heart fucking exploded.

"Say again?"

"3.7 trillion dollars, Mr. Franklin"

"Three questions: Where do I sign, exactly how much control do I have, and what's the catch?"

"Rodney's Will was very clear on that point. You are to use these companies and their controlling stocks as you see fit, win or lose, stand or fall."

I had heard enough.

"So I sign where again?"

After the signatures were squared away , Saxon stopped me from going just long enough to ask if there were any changes I would like to make in my holdings.

Suddenly I was all business

"Divest the oil, pension the windfall and distribute it to the newly retired workers. Invest the remainder in renewables. Merge the advanced research and pharmaceutical divisions, with the directive to evolve and revolutionize the medical industry. Divert the weapons, divest the dirty energy, and drain the hedge funds of every bloodstained dollar. This conglomerate has some changes to make, and if our scientists are to be believed, little time to make it in. Lets make this a company that works toward global growth and longevity."

Saxon looked as if he'd been hit in the stomach.

"Is that all?"

Looking back, still in my dinosaur slippers, I said"Believe me, Gabe, I'm just getting started"