Spit It

“I’m scared Mama,” he whispered as he hugged his best friend’s mother goodbye. She could hear the tears in his voice as he clung tighter and tighter. “I have a hearing tomorrow. I’m looking at a possible two-year sentence. I can’t go to prison, Mama. I don’t know how to survive in prison.” He cried.

She placed her hand on his head and began to pray. “My Father God in Heaven, I come to you on behalf of my son Matthias, I ask that you cover him in your blood and protect him by your spirit. Lord allow him another chance as you did Jonah. Let this be a sign for him to understand your greatness as you did Gideon, and please Father deliver him from his troubles. If it is your will for Mattie to do time, God, please allow it to be a productive process, a learning experience. Father I as that you lead him, guide him, protect him, and show him your will. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

“Mattie, you know I love you right?” He nods his head as he sits down beside her. “You know I think of you as one of my own sons, right?”

“Yes ma’am.” He said humbly.

“Well, because of that I can only talk to you the way I’d talk to one of them. And honestly son, I am extremely disappointed in you. You’re too smart and have too much going for you to get mixed up in this mess. I don’t care what your brother, sister, cousin, uncle, or aunt is doing. You ain’t got to do it. Hell, if your mama and daddy were selling drugs, that ain’t got nothing to do with you. You’re your own man, you’re twenty years old, you have your own apartment, your own car and two jobs; so, don’t even try to tell me you got into this because of them. I don’t want to hear that lame excuse. Why are you mixed up in this life, Matthias?”

“For the money, Mama. The money was good.” He spoke.

“I can believe that. Now, let me ask you this. All that good fast money you made, how much do you have in the bank; checking account, savings account?” He shook his head.

“How much do you have hidden in your apartment? In a mattress, taped behind the toilet, under a drawer, in a secret safe? Tell me Matt, how much money have you invested?” He shakes his head again, too ashamed to voice his failure.

“How much is in your pocket?”

“$56.”

“$56. In your pocket?” She asked. He nods his head. “What about your savings?”

“Honestly Ma, I don’t have a savings. I haven’t saved anything. To tell the truth I never even thought about saving anything.”

“I know, that’s because it’s too easy. Easy come, easy go. I guarantee if you get a good job and put in some long hours of real work you would want to save as much as you can. Hard earned money is much more valuable than easy money.

“So now that you are in trouble, you don’t even have the money to retain a good lawyer. You gotta depend on a public defender to speak for you. See, that’s what’s so stupid about that drug slinging mentality.

“What about life insurance? You know one of the dangers of the life you live is death, right?” He nodded his head yes. “So do you have an insurance policy in case one of your junkie friends kills you?”

“No ma’am.” He said with his head in his hands.

“What about you Alisha?” She asked Matthias’ girlfriend who had been quietly listening to their conversation. “Have you taken out a life insurance policy on either of you?”

“No ma’am.” She answered with tears in her eyes.

“Listen, I’m not trying to scare you with outrageous scenarios, I’m just trying to give you real life. So, if one or, God forbid, both of you are killed or even badly injured and have to spend some time in the hospital, neither of you have a backup plan. Neither of you have attempted to figure out what you’d do if something like that happens.” They gazed at each other with a look of hopelessness. “You see, this is the sort of thing you’d think about if you had a real job – something more than a hustle.

“Alisha, I don’t know you, but I think it’s safe to say that if Mattie brought you to meet me, he values your relationship. And, if you care anything about him, about yourself, you would require more of him. Don’t ride his coat tail down to a life of trouble and despair. Require more of him.

“What is it you want to do with your life?” Mama asked Alisha.

“I want to be a veterinarian.” Alisha answered.

“And what steps have you made toward that goal?” Mama asked. “Are you in school this semester?”

“No ma’am, not this semester, but I’ve already done two semesters at the Community College.”

“And why aren’t you there this semester?” Alisha hunched her shoulders. “Oh, you know! You just don’t know that I already know. The reason you are not in school right now is because when you should’ve been registering, you were slinging drugs or getting arrested with this knucklehead. Ain’t that right?” Alisha looked up with tears in her eyes and nodded her head. “Look here, I’m not trying to make you cry, nor am I trying to sound holier than thou, nor judge you. All I’m doing is trying to get you two to see yourselves for who you are. I feel like if you open your eyes and took a good long look in the reality mirror you may wise up and see the truth. You see babies, it’s only when you see your real truth can you decide whether you like it or not. You understand? If you can gaze into that mirror and honestly tell me that you like what you see, that you are totally pleased with where you are and where you’re going, then I can leave you alone and let you live your life.”

There was a long silence as Mama examined their faces. “Well,” she said expecting an answer from either of them, but none came. “Come on, I need to know, do you like who you are? Are you in love with your lifestyle? Are you happy with this profession and the risks you must take to maintain it? Honey if either of you can answer yes to all these questions, I will have to leave you alone. But if there is the slightest doubt in either of your mind, if either of you want more out of life than this, then now is the time to do things differently. Now is the time to commit to getting out of the game before it’s too late.”

“Yeah, I hear you Mama.” Mattie said.

“I need you to do more than just hear me son.” Mama insisted. She glanced over at Alisha whose face and eyes were the same color red. “Come here girl, give me a hug.” Alisha sat next to her, and Mama wrapped her long-oversized arms around her shoulders and back. As she rubbed her back Alisha sobbed uncontrollably. “There there nah child, you go on and get your cry on.” Mama rocked her side to side slowly. “Yeah baby, I know. It feels good to cry. Get it all out. You ain’t got to be nothing you don’t want to be. You are beautiful and smart. You must learn to live your own life. Don’t just lay there and let life choose you. Figure out what you need to do to make you happy. Don’t just be with a man because he chose to talk to you. Be discrete, be choosey. Select to be with that man because he wants to be with you and, he is willing to do the work required to get you. He is willing to accept the fact that you have goals, dreams, and aspirations. He has to be willing to stand beside you and work with you as you work to achieve your goals. He must be willing to achieve some goals of his own. He needs to be going somewhere, more than just the courthouse, jail, or the cemetery. Baby girl, it’s time to start loving yourself. Start requiring more of the woman in the mirror. And then require more of the man on your arm. If you love my son, then leave him and don’t accept him back in your life until he is doing better. If he chooses to not do better, then he loves the lifestyle more than you and you don’t need him.”

“Mama! Really?!” Mattie protested.

“Yes Matt! If she is a good woman and you want a life with her then you need to start doing better – bottom line!” Mama told him.

Alisha stopped crying and sat straight up as Shi handed her some tissues to clean her face. “Thanks,” she said.

“Ok now listen,” Mama began, “I have prayed with y’all, and I believe I hear the Lord telling me that you’ll get another chance to do things right, but you better get your behinds outta this thuggin’ druggin’ lifestyle cause your next incident is going to be much worse.” They looked at her with blank expressions. “You don’t have to believe me tonight, but after you leave the courtroom tomorrow with only a slap on the wrist, you’ll realize that I know what I’m talking about.” Mama laughed at how easily she hears from God sometimes and other times it seems like a scrambled signal. “Oh Lord, I thank you for these children and the love you have for them.

“Alright Mattie and Alisha, come on and give me a hug cause you gotta be in court by 7:30 and it’s almost 2:00 now. So ya’ll go on home and go to bed now. Don’t worry about tomorrow – both of you will sleep in the bed of your choice tomorrow night. I got that on good authority. Call us after you leave the courtroom to confirm what God just said. Ok!” she said with a smile.

“Ok, Mama.” Mattie said, “I’ll have Alisha call and let you know how much time I have.”

“I don’t care which one of you call me, just know that we gon’ be waiting on the call saying you’re not locked up.”

“Ok Mama, I love ya,” he said as he kissed her on her cheek. “I love you Shi,” he said as he gave her the tightest hug of her life. Alisha hugged Mama and Shi as they left still in tears.

The phone rang nearly twelve hours later at 1:10p. “Hello?”

“Hey Mama, it’s Mattie.” Said the smiling voice on the other end of the phone. “I’m free! The cas was dismissed.”