Night Night, Sleep Tight, Blue Light

Sleep.

No.

More than that. A good night's sleep.

Seemingly elusive, right? I mean you've heard about it, surely, you're always awake so it's not like you've got an excuse. But that's all anyone really does, hear about it... Resting in some fabled haze, the stuff of literal bed time stories. A Holy Grail for our modern times.

I don't get it, you don't get it, your friends don't get it, that cartoon wheeze and billow of a deep snore, the proud boast of a full night's rest. Just out of reach.

Notice how I said 'seemingly'. Well. Turns out all we need is an action plan. Or rather, an inaction plan. Don't laugh too loud, we're trying to encourage rest after all. What do you mean it wasn't that funny? You're a terrible liar.

So, this is it, you and me, tasked with the mythic quest to finally sleep like a veritable baby... Only ironically, babies have notoriously difficult journeys to the land of nod. Mission accomplished right? A night of tossing and turning, regular scowls at the alarm clock, the confirmation of failed efforts written in peaking beams of light. You can go home and not sleep soundly because the erratic twitch of your red eyes is perfect joke to some distant cosmic entity and you can't deny them the laughter.

You're not going to give up are you? Good. Me neither.

We've barely started. Like I said, this a journey, it's time to take our first few steps. Look at you go, slow and soft creeping, head already heavy, eyelids drooping. What? I oversold it didn't I? What can I say? Of course you're not going to immediately turn into a sloth, icon of lethargy, sleepy-time royalty. The road ahead is long and winding, and while that may seem discouraging, ultimately, it's the perfect setting for drifting off.

Time for a new dawn, notable for the occasion to skip it entirely. So don't sleep on these tips and tricks to encourage a full night of rest.

INACTION PLAN! Let's do this!

No that's too lively... Maybe we should whisper. Inaction Plan. Yeah, that's more like it.

(Made by me, for us both)

Sleep.

Thinking about it ensures its absence, like some metaphysical conundrum crafted by the finest philosophers. So relax, it cannot be willed by conscious thought, but rather, submission to the unconscious. Now that sounds suitably vapid, the type of vague mindfulness that is sold to the soul searchers. Repeat charge for peace of mind. But it's ultimately true.

Release the day's tension as best you can, that clenched jaw, those hunched shoulders. Focus on your breathing, stretched inhales, considered exhales, a rolling lullaby crafted for this exact purpose. Don't resist your thoughts, let them rise and fall in their natural rhythm, and in that eventual absence, you'll find exactly where you need to be.

Screen time.

The pacifier of grubby fingered toddlers the world over. Screen time, the mortal enemy of a consistent healthy sleep schedule. That dreaded blue light you've heard all about. Stimulation through sound and image, entertaining though it is, is better suited to set intervals. Not so strict as with children, but truthfully in the same spirit.

What grabs your attention? Holds it so firmly, its touch lingers long after the lights dim? The critically acclaimed salacious drama, effortlessly bitesize and binge-able? The latest movie, be it blearing blockbuster or charming indie? Cat videos? Whatever it may be, put it aside at least 2 hours before bedtime. Promise me. Your brain will, in its ancient simplicity, start to wind down, and approach sleep with a full and honest earnestness.

Routine. Routine. Routine.

See how it repeats, that's exactly what you should do.

Circadian rhythm, no, nothing to do with the dreaded seasonal release of cicadas or their proficiency for synchronized dancing. It's a term that refers to your body clock, your internalized sense of time, entirely unique to you, and decidedly averse to disruption. Respect it, nurture it, build a habit and it will pay off in subtle but vastly encouraging inclinations. You'll feel it, literally.

After all, it's what your body wants to do, so let it.

Call forth the comforts.

What's that I'm sipping on you wonder? Oh, it's just a bubbling brew of chamomile tea, oh so soothing, not a lick of caffeine in sight. The perfect potion to summon a restful night. A night spent on what exactly? Comfort is key. Your bed, that thing you spend half your life on, needs to be respected, snug, cloud-like. Not some nightmare infestation spontaneously dragged from the sidewalk because it doesn't look that beat up really and recycling is in and you like to frighten your friends with your depraved bohemian lifestyle. Source the best bed you can, spring, memory or water, whatever suits. Whether it's a veritable Everest of cushions or a single Phoenix feather pillow, cover that bed in everything you need, duvets, linens, quilts. Wear pajamas, or don't. Socks on, or off. This is your space, control it, command it, it's yours. And in doing so, sleep will be too.

So with this handy, slightly sarcastic but hopefully endearing guide, I hope I've made a good night's sleep that bit more achievable.

I needed it to be more than a personal resolution, made in solemn silence.

Why?

Because the knowledge that this plan could be useful, in even the smallest way, that's what guarantees me a great night's sleep... Zzzzz

Why are you still here? Go catch them Z's.

No you can't have any of mine...