New Year's Resolutions

Let’s kick off the year with a quick guide for keeping New Year’s resolutions, shall we? The first thing to remember is that it’s not necessarily about what we want to change, but about why we want to change those things. Not understanding this basic first step is why some people end up in an endless cycle of making the same resolutions year after year, adding a layer of “This year I will really do it” as the calendars turn around.

So, in order to get moving and keep those resolutions, the next three steps are vital:

1. Make a resolution for the right reason. Do you want to lose weight? Is that your real wish or are you under social pressure? Is it for health reasons? If you want to change the way you look to make someone else happy, you might never be able to lose any weight at all, but if that’s your own choice, be it for health reasons or because you actually want to, it will give you real motivation to achieve it. Is your lifestyle choice a problem for you or for your family or friends? Are you deciding to take courses or workshops because you actually want to, or to appease someone else? Even when you’re making a choice for the benefit of another: is it because you’re actually harming them with your actions or is it just because society “says so”? Remember that the first beneficiary of your resolution should be yourself, and when you consciously see that the reason for the resolution will actually make you healthier and happier, that will give you more motivation to actually move forwards with it.

2. Rather than focusing on what you’re not doing, focus instead on what you’re doing. So, you want to take up gardening? Read more, relax more, take a yoga class? Learn to cook or travel across the country? We all know the story, there is that something we want to do but there is never time for it... But what if instead of going week after week such as “I haven’t been out in the garden”, “I haven’t had time to check out that yoga class”, “I have not chance to take a holiday”, “That book has been sitting by my bed for a month” and so on, you ask yourself what you’re doing too much of which doesn’t “give” you time to do the things you actually want to do? Chances are that it’ll be something we’re not too happy with anyway, or that we’d rather not be doing, hence our making a resolution of doing a new activity that would actually make us happier. Now, because most people would say “Yes, I’m doing too much of something I don’t actually like: work!”, I will ask two simple follow-up questions: Do you actually dislike your job? And, what can you do to be more efficient in your job so you’ll have more time for things you could enjoy more? The answer to these questions could push you in the right direction. Outside from work, there might be other things that possibly keep us from doing what we really want to do, such as family life or social activities. For family life there might be a nice solution: why don’t you make gardening a family event on Saturdays after lunch? Or have a family reading hour after dinner, where everybody sits with their book in the lounge and then talk a bit about how the stories they’re reading are going? That way you get to teach your kids some really good habits as well as bring in quality time for the family. If you’re stuck in a club you don’t like, or are taking an evening class that you’re not enjoying, there is nothing wrong with changing your mind about them; remember that your time is very valuable, and if you’d rather be doing something else, there is no shame in going for that other thing instead. (For countries which are still currently in lockdown there might me some time before all of this point can be applied fully, but there is no harm in looking at it and making preparations for when it can happen).

3. If you know that you’re in one of those endless cycles of a bad habit that’s really hard to break, ask yourself what the hidden benefit for you is. The thing about the hidden benefit is that it’s not always positive and it’s often only beneficial for a short period of time. To smoke a cigarette, for instance, will give a short, satisfying feeling of calm and relaxation, and most people who can’t quit are too afraid to lose that swift satisfaction; a lot of people who can’t lose weight are actually hiding themselves underneath the ten extra kilos because they think that if they look attractive enough to be sought by others, they will get hurt, and that’s their protective barrier. Plenty of people who work too much are actually afraid that if they stop, their life will be meaningless; people with bad communication skills or compulsive liars find themselves in a better place when they’re playing the victim; people who keep failing their university classes might be too afraid to graduate and face up to the real world, and so forth. When you discover your hidden benefit, it becomes much easier to understand why you do the things you do (or you don’t do the things you actually want to do), and the process of changing the habit starts becoming easier.

One more thing to understand before we go is that this might be a quick guide, and to follow it will make any process easier, but hard work still has to be done, because the change of habits and the acceptance of personal truths is something that only corresponds to each and every one of us. This will only be as easy or as difficult as your resistance permits.

I hope you had a lovely holiday period, wherever you are in the world and whichever of the traditions you follow which are celebrated around this time. And I hope your year has started wonderfully!

Bright blessings and much success for 2021!

Sandra Tena Cole ≈ Actress, Model, Writer, Esoteric Practitioner