Foreign travel and unknown societal norms.

Beware foreign societal norms and mores. (That you aren’t familiar with).

Young females on missionary work in Zimbabwe, deep in rural districts, are safe doing their daily routines, until they do something off script, like go to a movie or go have a dinner unescorted with a man. Under local perceived societal mores, she is available for sex, a wanton woman, almost a prostitute, and most men who go with her on this date take advantage of the situation and won’t take no for an answer. Besides maybe the obvious stumbling blocks of language, there is also the cultural societal norm of that rural society that when an unchaperoned woman goes on a personal “date” with a man she is projecting her desire to go to the next level in the relationship, and take it to a sexual level. All the men understand that the woman is thinking this, and even all the local women understand this conclusion. But because the missionary woman is not from this society, she does not understand this thinking. It is totally normal to go to a movie, or a casual dinner, lunch or even a coffee break with a man you are not married to and it will not project her desire to have sex, or mean she has loose sexual morals. But the society she is immersed in on her missionary work does perceive her willingness to go off unchaperoned with a man as such, and so it is basically understood that she wants sex with men and so there will be no support from the people in the community when she is raped from the man she went with alone, or any other man who forces himself on her after that incident. She wanted it, she is that kind of loose woman. That is the thinking. I have known situations like this to happen. Good sweet young women from America and Europe belong to a church back home come to Zimbabwe on a year long mission, and either aren’t trained or educated by their church on this problem, or build a friendship with a young man in the community and forget about the training or think that it doesn’t apply to her situation and goes off on a harmless date, only to have a tragic incident happen and then thereafter she is tainted as a scarlet woman and will be in danger of being raped from then on. She will have to end her mission and come home. And the local police will not investigate, or even be sympathetic. It’s her fault.

And it’s not just in Africa, or in Zimbabwe that this happens. I met a woman recently that as a young girl of 26 went to Croatia and Hungary on a Rotary Club mission for one month, and the club assigned a chaperone to be with her every minute of the day when she was alone. The chaperone was introduced to her as her safety escort and entertainment guide. At the time she was unhappy with the situation, but now that she has matured and understands why it was nessessary to have a chaperone she is thankful the club insisted and provided one.

So when you go to an unfamiliar country or area, it’s a good idea to investigate the local society and cultural mores and norms so as not to have mistakes happen. What is normal where you live might not be normal there.

Back to Zimbabwe, I have another example. Zimbabwe is a wonderful country, and the people are very warm and friendly, but there are bad people in the world. So I don’t mean to pick on Zimbabwe. But I met a fellow Zimbabwean one day in Iowa, who told me his wife’s story. He was living in a small town in Zimbabwe, rural, farming community, and he heard about a white American who was in a small black village close by who was in trouble. She was isolated and alone there, and was being traded among all the single men in that village as a virtual prostitute. Being from Zimbabwe as a European white settler, he knew she didn’t willingly want to live like this so he went to the village and rescued her. She came to Zimbabwe to help the local natives, not with a church, but by herself, to do good. And she met an older man, a chief of that village, actually he was a witch doctor, and he took her to his village and basically imprisoned her there with no way to leave. And being a single women unchaperoned by someone to protect her, she was fair game by all the men in the village. Knowing she didn’t willingly want to do this, my friend took her out of the village and out of the control of the witch doctor and flew her home to Iowa. Of course that is the short story, there was hospitalization, therapy and other things that needed to be done to make it better for the young woman he rescued, but he didn’t go into details. Eventually they fell in love and married, and when I met them they were living in Iowa and had a baby together. It ended well.

Now, here in the States it is normal for a woman to go out alone to a movie or have dinner with a man and they won’t be perceived as having loose morals. And we have laws protecting people from predatory behavior. But at the same time a woman has to use common sense and maybe not go out alone nightclubbing and don’t dress provocatively. Are they allowed to? Yes, of course. But should they? Probably not. I’ve heard so many stories about woman going out for a dinner date with a man and then having to fight off his advances and pressure to “put out” because he spent so much money on dinner and drinks. And he is outraged if she won’t sleep with him after. That’s why so many women insist on going Dutch on the first date. Maybe I’m old fashioned, ( I don’t think so, I’m just a gentleman, my mom raised me right), but I couldn’t imagine pressuring a woman to have sex. All my life I’ve heard the expression “men are pigs” and a lot of men are, but not all.

Anyway, this is a cautionary tale to women to be aware of foreign societal norms and mores, and plan accordingly. Foreign travel is fabulous and should be done, but investigate what you will be getting yourself into, and be careful.