Expiration Date: Never

Me and many a military man have had disagreements over expiration dates on food. With me insisting on throwing things out by the date listed and most men in my life, proclaiming that the expiration date is merely a suggestion. I am firmly believe I am the correct party in this debate, but I am also arguing with people who have skinned rabbits and squirrels as well as eaten minnows from a stream somewhere in Maine during survival school.

Today I thought we would take a look at ten foods that pretty much never, ever go bad.

White Sugar

I was surprised at this one. Sugar does not expire. The white sugar that is. Microorganisms usually are the reason for food going bad. Sugar has a secret defense mechanism, namely that it soaks up the moisture from the microorganisms. I wonder if it does the same for us too? Either way, these microorganisms die due to lack of water and therefore the sugar does not go bad.

Special note: In very humid and moist environments this may backfire due to the high concentration of water in the air. Also, if sugar is mixed with other ingredients, it can expire.

Coffee . . . The Instant Kind

Not to be confused with fresh ground coffee which DOES expire, which in the case of coffee, just means it won’t taste as good not that it will make you sick. Instant coffee on the other hand, does not have an expiration date probably because it tastes bad no matter when you drink it.

Powdered Milk

Powdered milk or dried milk has more preservatives than most aging porn stars. Survivalists love some powdered milk and the storage life depends on storage methods as well as variety: nonfat, 1%, 2 %, full fat. Again, this is a food item that doesn’t taste super great no matter when it’s consumed which I believe attributes to it’s 25+ year expiration date.

Soy Sauce

One of this author’s fave condiments which I loved even before I took on a lover who used to be a sushi chef in Miami, soy sauce can last for five-ever. Soy sauce contains an ingredient called acid hydrolyzed vegetable protein which makes it last a lifetime.

Popcorn

The kernels will last almost indefinitely before it’s popped and after popping can last up to three weeks, this fact is confirmed by my friends over at AMC in Regency. Even the pre-buttered bags of microwave popcorn can last around 6 months.

Wine

Red wine that is. Red wine can last hundreds of years as long as it’s not opened and there is no damage to the cork or bottle. Rich people have collected wine for years and openly brag about how long one of the bottles has been preserved. I have never had this problem as I spend a lot of time with degenerates and we drink everything before there is any chance of it going bad.

Canola Oil

So it may not be the best for you, my Greek self enjoys olive oil far more but as far as shelf life goes, canola oil will last two years in dry storage and indefinitely in a refrigerator. Even the spray kind.

Spam

My mom made us eat this. I swore never to do it again. Spam is that meat that comes in a can. It is covered in salt and can survive a nuclear apocalypse. That’s reassuring. It’s also a state favorite in Hawaii of all places. I feel like that needs a follow up article.

Dry Beans

Kidney, pinto, black beans, any of the dried beans will last a lifetime. They need to be picked through to remove rocks and should be soaked overnight in water before cooking. These are a staple in most kitchens across the world and my Nanie (pronounced Nan-EE) basically force fed us pinto beans growing up to the point no one in the family will eat them as adults.

White Vinegar

White vinegar is used for pickling, sauces, marinades, and cleaning. It is classified as self preserving and will last indefinitely. I am uncertain if it is a good thing that it can clean your toilet and also go in a sauce but I’m not chef so I’ll just go with it.

Final Thoughts

So there you are, dear readers, ten foods that almost never expire which can be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it.

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