Complimenting kids to become confident adults

How often should you say a compliment to a kid?

Every time they do something to the best of their ability.

Childhood is a time of discovery, so a child deserves a good word of praise when they accomplish (or sometimes even attempted to do something and it didn’t turn our successfully.

While adults receive compliments for a finished product, children ought to receive compliments for the process, because that’s where learning happens.

It is in the process that a child learns to trust his abilities, that self esteem, confidence, and courage is developed. The process is the main part. Not the end product.

So it is up to the adult to have a paradigm shift, and stop praising children only if everything wea up to par with the adult’s expectation.

It is up to the adult to acquire some new phrases like: ‘’I’m proud of you for trying’’, “ that was great thinking’’, or ‘’That part when you connected these blocks together, that was really great’’. So concentrate on the process, praise your kid in the process, and you’re going to raise a confident, happy, brave adult.

When complimenting a kid, praise how well he did the task, not how smart he is.

Why?

Because that will built ambition in him, as well as perseverance.

AND THAT IS A SMALL DIFFERENCE WITH A VERY IMPORTANT LONG TERM EFFECT.

Let's look at both scenarios:

Scenario #1:

You told you kid that he did great in 9 different tasks.

Now task #10 is on the horizon, and this task is more difficult than the other 9.

Your child won't get it right the first time, but he remembers that he succeeded the other 9 times. So, he keeps on trying, tackling that task with different strategies. And finally. he did it! He is smiling from ear to ear, both arms in the air like he just won an Olympic medal!

Scenario #2:

You told you kid that he is smart after finishing 9 different tasks.

Now task #10 is on the horizon, and this task is more difficult than the other 9.

Your child didn't get it right on the first time. He gets frustrated, but tries again, and unfortunately didn't get it this time, either. He gets more frustrated, his shoulders slump, and he's on the verge of crying.

Meanwhile in his thinking there's a battle emerging : ''Mom and Dad say that I am smart, so why can't I do this? Maybe I'm not really smart, I must be stupid then!'' And a new strategy emerges in his thinking:

''I must never try things where could fail. From now on, I'm only going to try new things, when I'll know for sure that I would win. ''

There is a poem by the late Dorothy Nolte, Ph. D. that goes like this:

''If children live with criticism,

They learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility,

They learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule,

They learn to be shy.

If children live with shame,

They learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement,

They learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance,

They learn to be patient.

If children live with praise,

They learn to appreciate.

If children live with acceptance,

They learn to love.

If children live with approval,

They learn to like themselves.

If children live with honesty,

They learn truthfulness.

If children live with security,

They learn to have faith in themselves and others.

If children live with friendliness,

They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.''

Go on, and compliment your child's efforts today!